Yes, I know I am... People who tutor their DCs within an inch of their lives and then boast about their achievements

[lilolilmanchester]

Sorry, it does my head in

[loopylouu]

It happens all the time where I live. The entrance exams for all the private schools have just been taken (they are year 6). Most of ds friends spent thier entire Christmas holiday, with the exeption of Xmas day, Boxing Day and New Year's Day with tutors. Some of them up to three hours a day.

A few of them started experiencing behavioural problems around that time, I had one of their mums asking me why I thought her son had changed over night.

It's too much for some children.

I didn't put ds in for them, despite the school telling me he'd pass no problem as we couldn't apply for bursaries due to ex husbands salary (he could easily afford to send ds to a private school, but sends his step kids instead). But I wouldn't have put him in for any tutoring.

[loopylouu]

Also we'd have to stop eating for ds to be tutored and he state secondary down the road is perfectly good.

[SapphireMoon]

I always hope ofsted can see through good bottom line results at a school caused mainly by wide scale tutoring rather than teaching at school.
A relative of mine has had children tutored [4 of them] as a matter of course since Reception 'Because everyone else does'.
Never heard of [or if happens rare and kept quiet] at school my children go to. [Less middle class catchment].
To op, I agree boasting with no real substance and using children as trophies....

[brettgirl2]

Its not so much 'hard graft' as 'forced graft' is it?

[foslady]

Most of dd's friends were tutored for the local11+. Their choice, fine, but I did loose it with a friend the day after results came out. My non tutored but hete's the practice papers the school suggrsts have a go dd got the minimum pass score. Her dd got 20 points more. I was driving het and the dc's an hour for a treat and 75% of that time was her bragging about her dd's score (no other parents discussed scores btw only if qualified or not) despite me changing the subject regularly. The final straw was when with the dc's in the back she said my dd was 'lucky' to have passed. I let rip at that point (mama bear moment!) to say I was v proud of my dd as she'd done it without the aid of a tutor. Suddenly she back peddled, tried to say she hadn't had that many sessions blah blah blah......and then changed the subject.
Also lasts years normally well behaved class of dd's were awful but are all ok agsin now......fits with the majority of the class being tutored come to think of it...
YANBU after my experiences

[lljkk]

I love bragging people, they are so much fun! You really need to see them in a different light. You're don't need to like people to enjoy them.

I wouldn't like to see any child hothoused, too.

[Hoppinggreen]

My daughter will be getting tutoring for her 11+ and I don't give a crap if anyone else likes it.
She is very bright but the questions in the 11+ aren't something she will have seen before so it's just a case of sending her in prepared. She is in year 4 now and I look at a few example questions with her every week ( usually about 30 mins once a week) but from next year she will have a tutor.
My friend invigilates the 11+ and she says that every year there are children who turn over the paper and just stare at it blankly before usually bursting into tears simply because they have never seen anything like it.
I agree that less academic children who are coached to death and get a Grammar place might struggle but I also think that even the brightest kids at least need a bit of help to prepare for something that they probably have never done before.

[IDugUpADiamond]

In my area the state options are grammar schools and church schools. I think children who achieve a place at a grammar school through sheer work is laudable. Children who get a place at a church school because of their parents beliefs is a disgrace.

Some children will get into selective schools because they're naturally gifted, others through sheer hard work and determination. Both are perfectly valid in my opinion.

I agree with persimmon that parents need to be able to differentiate between encouraging and pushing.

[whatever5]

I know lots of children who are tutored quite heavily (I live in a grammar school are) but I've not heard any parents boasting about their achievements. Having said that, why shouldn't a parent be proud if their child does well (as long as they don't go on about it).

I personally think it's a mistake to heavily tutor a child, as I feel that they should have plenty of free time at primary school age. Plus, it will be hard for them to keep up academically if they do get into a grammar school. However, my children were/are tutored for the 11+ (one hour a week) as you need to do that just to level the playing field nowadays unfortunately.

[ComposHat]

The problem with the tutoring for things like the 11+ is that once a critical mass of parents start tutoring/hot housing their children to pass, then it makes it difficult for any child whose parents can't pay substantial sums for tutoring.

Then the grammar sxhool begins to become a middle class enclave for children whose parents have bought their admission.

[whatever5]

foslady -I don't blame you for feeling annoyed. Your friend was very rude. Nobody told me their child's score for the 11+ and I have no idea what dd scored either as you had to specifically ask and dd said she didn't want to know. I wasn't interested either - she got into the grammar school she wanted to go to and the actual score seemed irrelevant.

[whatever5]

The problem with the tutoring for things like the 11+ is that once a critical mass of parents start tutoring/hot housing their children to pass, then it makes it difficult for any child whose parents can't pay substantial sums for tutoring.

It is pretty easy to tutor your child yourself though with the various books you can buy. I did that myself for a few months as did quite a few other parents. I don't think that the majority of tutors do anything special.

[Floggingmolly]

Absolutely, op. If the child can only keep abreast of their classmates by putting in three times the amount of work with the help of one or more tutors; they're so obviously punching above their weight it's ridiculous.
What's the value to the child in being the (comparatively) "slow" one?
It'll bite the parents on the arse at some point, definitely.

[ComposHat]

But whatever that assumes that rhe parents have the time, skill and inclination to do that.

One of the cleverest people I know, her father was nearly completely illiterate and her mum wasn't around. He wouldn't have been able to support her through the exam process.

[whatever5]

Composhat I agree that parents have to have the time and inclination (though not sure that much skill is required to be honest). I am just making the point that you don't have to have money to pay for a tutor for your child to get into grammar school.

[DarlingGrace]

It will come home to roost. I didn't have DC tutored for grammar school but a lot of his friends were. Bar DC and one other, the rest all dropped out at the end of Y12 and went of to the local college to follow more vocational courses. One actually blew a gasket in the deputy heads office and told him in no uncertain terms where to stick his school and threw his bag at the dep heads head. The mother nearly had an attack of the vapours.

The trouble with helicoptering too closely is that when you achieve your goal - the child goes off to uni - they are suddenly off the leash and drink and drugs often factor in. A child who has been allowed to make their own mistakes tends not to have that same sense of recklessness.

[DumSpiroSpero]

I always hope ofsted can see through good bottom line results at a school caused mainly by wide scale tutoring rather than teaching at school.

Hahahahaha!

Ofsted is about numbers and politics these days, maybe a bit of safeguarding thrown in. Context does not interest them one iota.

[whatever5]

I have found that once your child is in grammar school a surprising number of parents like to boast that their child got in without tutoring.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

YABU. Some of you are so bitter! Nothing wrong with a bit of hard graft to get there. Even if you tutor children, they still need to put in the work.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

The trouble with helicoptering too closely is that when you achieve your goal - the child goes off to uni - they are suddenly off the leash and drink and drugs often factor in. A child who has been allowed to make their own mistakes tends not to have that same sense of recklessness."

Never heard such bitter tripe in my life.

[Floggingmolly]

Bitter? Not me. I've just seen the fall out.