to say "pardon?"

[matildamatilda]

So I'm American and in the US it's not rude to say "What?" when someone calls you or when you didn't hear something.

It's informal, but not at all rude. Especially if you say it in a pleasant tone. So kids wouldn't be told off for answering "what?" the way they are here. It's just "what" as in "what did you say?"

Since I've lived here I've been training myself to say "Pardon?" but I just can't get the hang of it. It sounds kind of... supercilious maybe? Huffy? Am I just not pulling it off?

I usually end up saying, "Here I am, " or "Sorry did you say something?"

Do you say "pardon"?

So what do the upper middle class say instead of 'pardon'? Is it always 'sorry?'

Piss orf?

Yes, I meant can't you just imagine Princess Anne shouting "what", she seemed the perfect example.

"what" is correct, as is "sorry" or "what did you say". People tend to think "pardon" is posh, it's absolutely not.

Pardon sounds weird to me, like someone who's not posh trying to be posh. I would say 'sorry'?

I do discourage my kids from saying I want ... though. My 3 year old has quite immature speech, and will say 'my want biscuit', but he knows I will make him ask properly, and he now very slowly and carefully can say, "Please can I have a biscuit?'

My dad was a headmaster and he used to do the 'may' thing. ie 'Can I go to the toilet, sir? Well I'm sure you CAN, what you should be asking is if you MAY go" Cue confused child nearly wetting themselves ;-)

Not sure why may is more polite than can really. But then my dad also hates people talking about 'train stations' and insists it should be 'railway stations'

I agree with Fraidycat - toilet sounds normal to me, lavatory sounds disgusting. Loo or toilet are both fine in our house. I would complain if my kids started using bog though.

May isn't more polite, it's just accurate in that context. The child certainly can got to the toilet (unless he is unwell) but what he is asking is whether he may!

"Pardon" belongs with apricot-coloured loo rolls and "serviettes" instead of napkins...

...they all make me think of Hyacinth Bucket

Pigeon - that's exactly what happened to my DS2. A TA corrected him one day and told him to say 'Pardon'. I was really cross. I know it's silly, but I had it drummed into me as a child that you never said 'pardon'. Took me ages to break the new habit.

I agree, unobtanium.

Can is an ability to do something, and may is permission to do something.

Nothing to do with politeness just pedanticness

I was born in the late 60's and as children we were encouraged to use the word pardon if we didn't hear what someone said - IMHO I think a response of "what" is rude and ignorant but not as bad as "eh"

In Scotland "what" is more common than "pardon"

My 11 year old FC is now being encouraged to say "pardon" or "sorry"

"Pardon" belongs with apricot-coloured loo rolls and "serviettes" instead of napkins...

Agreed unobtanium

I usually respond by saying "Sorry?" and sometimes I add "I didn't catch that/ could you repeat that/ what was that?", but usually find that just 'sorry' suffices.... 'Pardon' is just plain wrong - tho' we were taught (40-50 years ago!) to say it, or "I beg your pardon", neither of which is really what we mean.

I was taught to say what and not pardon. I was told not to toilet but say loo or lavatory. All this by my grande dame grandmother.

I got into trouble with teacher for refusing to be corrected for saying what - so I've told DCs both are fine so they don't wind up in detention like I did.

I saw this on a horrible history sketch - adopting the French words to sound all modern and hip. Is this where the conflict comes from?

Not to say toilet

Please all stop saying 'pardon'. And correcting 'what'. I agree, it's old-fashioned class-obsessed affected language.

All this by my grande dame grandmother.
Similarly had a grounding in this on my internship at Vogue alongside the grande dame sub editors. If one was heard to utter "pardon?" "toilet" or "serviette" one was just ignored. I tend to say "What's that?" as a contraction of "what was that you said?" or "what is it that you want".

I dislike being non-U, but I will always use toilet rather than lavatory

I do not understand this, you are either U or not. The vast majority of people are not U,the whole point of being U is because its meant to be an elite thing why dislike not being something that most people cannot and never will be.

If you have never worn your great grandmothers cashmere jumpers or the furniture you sit on is new or ever has been in your lifetime or you did not go to public school then it's highly unlikely that you are U. This is not an insult. Just like me saying I'm not a duchess is not.

Nothing to dislike.

Lavatory is not posh. Lav, maybe. Loo is posher.

I was brought up in a middle-class household with public-school-educated father where we said all the 'U' things. Dinner was in the evening (but kids had supper), tea was at 4pm with cake, we had a sitting room and napkins, etc. But we were told 'don't say what, say pardon' very consistently. I suspect there may be a lot of regional variation here, as well as class.

My GF said Bog was poshest because it was where the upper class officers got to go in WW1

'Pardon' is the pits.

I say 'sorry?' in a very unapologetic manner.

What is 'U'?

And I know, if I need to ask the question them I'm not it, whatever it is...

I was raised in the NE, had a WC family who ate 'Tea' (definitely never dinner) I was taught to say Pardon and never what, if I hadn't heard what someone said to me. I still use it now.
I taught my DC's to use it too. Along with -
Toilet or loo not lavatory
Pardon me - after belching.
Excuse me - after farting or to request someone move when you want to get past them.
What? or Yeah? - is fine if I shout someones name and they're enquiring what I want them for.

Gosh, you differentiated with the apology on farting and burping?