to think that as children get older they can't get *that* much more expensive?

[shhhw]

OK, laugh me off the planet. But everyone recites this mantra constantly - that they get much more expensive as they get older. How, exactly? I am already paying for 2 lots of music lessons, ballet lessons, riding lessons, school trips, presents to take to constant birthday parties, shoes and more shoes, clothes etc etc etc. So if I choose to be mean with pocket money, where does the huge expense come? And when does it kick in?

Ha! - just had a text from my 14 yr old - he needs new t shirts and hoodie as his are too small. He is growing like a weed at the moment, new football boots in September lasted until half term before he grew out of them

We had to go shopping for a new coat - not a problem as I thought they'd be in the sale. They were, but still around the £60 upwards price. Yes, I could have probably got one cheaper, but he wouldn't have worn it. They certainly become more fussy about clothes, if it isn't labels (which it isn't for my ds) they have to be comfy

And watch out for the price increases in school fees!

When my son is home, we notice that cereal/bread/milk and toilet rolls disappear overnight!

Food food and more food
Much more expensive clothes and trainers ( my ds2 is a nightmare if it doesn't have a label he won't wear)
Toiletries of their own
School trips
Football season tickets and money on match days
Football club fees
Football boots
Bus fares
Socialising
Holidays cost more

The list is endless my hand is never out my purse!!

Actuall, I found it all kicked off at sixth form, so 16+. that's when the massive inter-continental school trips and driving lessons kicked in.

And after that there's Uni...

sorry, posted too soon. I reckon there might actually be a lull after all the primary level clubs and activities calm down, Mine weren't bothered about labelled clothes or gadgets...

Ime boys eat huge amounts of food constantly - my now 18 year old has been adult sized since 13 wearing size 11 shoes since then! He's been in vat rated clothes too obviously. So school shoes uniform sports kit casual clothes. He's very good as he uses his own money (Xmas birthday) to pay for lots of his clothes over and above 'basics' . Adult bus fares and train fares cinema tickets plane tickets (talking Ryanair/easy jet here!). Prescriptions, toiletries (how much deodorant does one boy need?) plus his girlfriend is a permenant fixture eating with us 3 or 4 nights plus weekend lunches. Ditto for 20 year old daughter who is at university but in holidays costs is a fortune in food clothes boyfriend. We allow them to come on holiday so that's an extra too. Gsce/a level related field trips (day trip to Cerne) geography trips theatre for school. It is endless.

Btw, Brother on law says when his kids left very exclusive private school and went to university he really noticed he difference - saved him loads

I thought the same but this week alone ski trip£700, ski clothes £ 180 driving lessons( up front £200 a block) oh and a day snowboarding for fun £170.00 I'm nearly sobbing, I do find it goes in runs though and to be fair was never interested in much when he was younger so is making up for it now! Oh and he is not In too fashion-phew!Thank goodness We have big gaps in age for our 3!

DS1 has grown through 2 clothes sizes in a year. And the latest lot has VAT shoved on it. I've spent more on shoes for him, this year, than DH and I have spent on footwear for ourselves, put together.

And bigger clothes take up more space. I need to invest in some new bedroom furniture, as between all the extra clothes put by for DS2 and the space his current load take up, we're becoming slightly swamped with homeless piles of stuff.

Well I am in the US so...

Eating out and going on holiday costs more. Adult clothes cost more (but clothes are cheaper here generally so not such a big deal).

No bus fares here. So far no expensive school trips (oldest is 12).

Childcare starts to cost less once they can help out in summer camp rather than me paying for them to be there.

I am planning on each one learning to drive at 16, but car insurance doesn't go up by so much here. I might buy them a car to use though.

University will be a huge cost but it's up to us how much we contribute, and also they can work to subsidise it, and if they go to an expensive college then they'll either need a loan or a scholarship.

I think they are a fair bit more expensive as they get older but not as OTT as many above.

I have a 19 year old at uni, a 17 year old who is going in September and a 12 year old. None of them is 'wanty' but when I read your first post, I didn't know whether to laugh at the poor deluded person or do a head tilt aww hun

OK, LetsFAce, you are the person I need to talk to then! That is exactly the response I am talking about. So explain it to me - what am I missing - aside from the leap in food and clothes bills, what are the extras I need to know about (I am assuming you have read the above thread)?

I think some of you must be incredibly generous or I am outstandingly mean .

My teenager wears charity shops clothes; any gadgets (ie: mobile phone/playstation) has to be a Christmas present ie: from parents and grandparents clubbing together. Likewise if he wants trendy clothes/trainers he has to save up from pocket money (£10 a month) or Christmas/birthday money.

Whoever heard of a teenager wearing a winter coat - that's easily saved money.

Why are some of you paying for your adult children (plus girl/boy friends) to go on holiday with you - fine if that's what you want to do, but then you can hardly complain about the expense.

A lot of the things mentioned on this thread are 'choices' that some parents have made about things to buy/pay for - hardly 'essentials'.

Only read OP. ROFL. Try university. If you earn anything over a minimum, then your little darlings are not even entitled to get a loan that will clothe and house them. You will have to fork out at least £5k pa even if they max out with government finance if they are to go. And that is only the bare minimum. Of course, you will still keep their room at home for them, and still feed them in the holidays etc etc

And if you want them to be in the same position that you were (ie leaving university debt free) then try £19k pa through university for each and every DC.

Mind you, I nearly fell off my chair when DD1 announced that junior doctors are not paid much so I will still need to sub her for a few years after she qualifies (um, no).

Anyone else mentioned the therapy bills yet? No? Just us then.

JeanSeberg - the recommendation is about £8,000 a year in total that's required for maintenance so that's about £4,000 to £4,500 more per year that you get from a non-means-tested loan. Nowhere near £900 a month, but more than people expect.

If the OP is currently shelling out a fair deal of money on things for her DC at the moment, the costs and expectations will simply increase as they get older and reflect the chosen lifestyle and circles the family moves in. No-one can be as specific as the OP wants on how it will increase, but the consensus seems to be from those of us with experience that it simply does.

However, does our experience count for anything? Seems not.

Other posters have helpfully listed the massive predictable costs of older kids but here's my tuppence worth.

It's not just about the numbers. Your relationship with kids changes over time and maybe that will affect your view.

It's all very well in theory to say that they just won't be able to do the things their friends do etc etc or that they can get a job but my older kids have sent or given out well over 100 CVs/job applications between them with no luck.

And although they don't even like to ask for stuff/money, when they do, I actually don't want to be always saying no having been on the very sticky end of poor when I was their age. Some things I have to say no to but if I can, I end up juggling or doing without stuff myself. Those are the choices I make. Don't underestimate your own possible responses. Like I said, it's all very well in theory.

I want my kids to do the activities they do. They aren't spoiled - the older ones aren't learning to drive because they'll have to pay for themselves but there's no way I'm refusing a request from DSs 1 and 2 for A level revision tuition classes because they feel they are struggling. Or D of E gold award stuff that costs an arm and a leg because it's good for them and will help them get in to uni (both doing courses involving periods of field study)

Having said that, I don't regret 3 for a moment.

ProfPlum... Dsis is currently an F1 and on £22.5k. She goes upto £28k when she is an F2. I would advise your DD that she should just about scrape through .

I was told by a junior doctor that he was earning about £28,000 in his very first post, after completing 6 years of study. Plenty enough to live on when you've been living on peanuts for 6 years.

I understand what you are saying about university costs, but things may be very different by the time your children go to university. It is fairly niave to imagine that the student loans and fee situation will be the same in 10-20 years time, and it is something you should seriously consider.

If they chose to carry on with horse riding, the kit for that gets a lot more expensive when things are in adult sizes as well.

There are jobs available for 16 year old still, but these jobs don't cover the cost of driving lessons anymore, let alone pay for a car+insurace. Obviously it is your choice to pay for that, but in my experience most parents of 17 year olds do contribute some money towards it.

However, if you want three children, I expect you will find a way to manage financially!

If you manage to keep them off the "Designer Bandwagon", teach them not to be brats & don't spoil them you'll be pleasantly surprised (and smug).

University shouldn't cost you, as a parent, anything. The little darlings get a loan for that & pay it back when they're earning loads.

If they're not going to earn enough to pay the loan back, why are they going to Uni?

The loan doesn't cover all the costs, Grinch. If the parents are earning too much for the student to get full finance (and the thresholds are fairly low) then there is an expectation by the government that parents will 'top up'. It has come as quite a shock to a number of families I know.

IT - you pay for your daughters' eyebrow wax - - I've heard it all now . I never expected my mother to pay for 'beauty stuff' when I was growing up - yes, basic soap, shampoo and sanitary protection but surely anything else is a luxury?

Going on your first post, with the things you mention (2 lots of music lessons, ballet lessons, riding lessons, school trips, constant birthday parties, shoes and more shoes, clothes), here's how it could change:

They stick at the instruments, and need longer lessons. You wince but agree to stretch to this, because they're doing well and are now really enjoying it.

They take music exams. These cost more as you go up the grades, and you may need to pay the accompanist, or for extra practice.

The teacher says you need to upgrade the instrument (tip: start them on the recorder or triangle. Do not go near the harp, tuba or bassoon.)

You ignore the advice above, and need a bigger car to transport the tuba, harp, double bass etc.

They join an orchestra, and it becomes their main passion. They come home one day wildly excited because the orchestra is touring abroad. In velvet dinner jackets. Oh, and they are the only tuba/harp/bassoon player there, so Mrs Barksworthy is going to be very disappointed if they don't go.

Dance and riding lessons: as above, substituting 'horse' or 'tutu' where appropriate.

School trips: you refuse to consider the trip to Hawaii, the Alps or Russia. Feeling mildly guilty, you say yes to the camping trip to Snowdon, then find they need a tent, boots, sleeping bag, midge nets, more boots because they've already grown out of the others...

Good luck!

Actually, I think for us one of the main changes has been that they no longer all do the same things at the same time, so rarely share transport.