to feel a bit disgruntled when people claim they couldn't cope?

[resilientmaterial]

I probably am.

It's just like most people have had some rubbish thrown my way, but I unfortunately have NO support network whatsoever, so as a result everything comes down to me.

So I do feel a bit fed up when people say they couldn't cope with working long days plus DCs plus cooking plus work at home ... or say "I couldn't cope without my DP/mum/neighbour."

I know what they mean, but if they had to they would cope, mostly. We all would. Aibu?

Yab a bit unreasonable as people's experiences are always different but I do know what you mean.

YANBU, I get very impatient with people saying this too.
Of course you can cope, what choice do you have?

What they really mean is they wouldn't want to have to cope, which I think is fair enough. There is always someone worse off but still doesn't stop you wanting to have a moan about your own problems. I moan about money a lot but I know that really I am not poor in the true sense of the word. Still like to have a whinge from time to time though!

I am BU -

I think it's the smug tone, it's like "well I couldn't cope because I have never had to"

Like when people say "I couldn't last all morning without food!" You'd bloody have to in Africa, love!

Don't pay it any mind

Most of us say 'I'm starving' when we're just very hungry

We know we're not actually going to die of starvation

In the same way, they'll know deep down that if they had to cope alone they would.

Well, maybe they truly couldn't cope, but you can as you are more resilient (as per your NN )?

Everybody has only their own cross to bear - comparing just leads to discontent IME.
You are right, when there is no other choice, most people just cope. But not all..

Not sure. I've spent the last year coping with a lot of things. I'm on anti depressants now. Should I have coped better?

X post!

yanu

Almost as annoying as "Oh, yes, I'm a single mother in the week, I know just what it's like!" No, you don't. Because then your husband comes home.

It is smug.

Maybe they mean it as a compliment... like they're saying "I couldn't do what you do"? I'd use it as an excuse to give yourself a pat on the back, it sounds like you deserve it.

Worra

Depleted hardly! Taking ADs is one way of coping, amongst many others of course. I'm talking about statements like:

"I COULDN'T work full time with kids!"
"I COULDN'T do it without DH!"
"I just WOULDN'T be able to cope if ..."

They would. Not happily, perhaps. And maybe some would end up on ADs or whatever but very very few people would choose to commit suicide or work full time, surely?

My mother does this 'Ooh, I admire you so!' over and over again (I have 4 DC, I work, I have a house), it really irks me.
I also have no money worries, no health concerns and a nice DH - I don't feel 'admirable' as if I was some kind of heroine struggling against adversity .
It makes me feel uncomfortable even though I do think she means it as a compliment.

YANBU, but I'm guilty of to phrase all the time. Tbh, I would find it difficult to cope without my mum's help and support, I'd probably be forced into leaving work. So I couldn't actually cope in my situation without my mum but I'd change my situation to cope if I didn't have the support. Maybe that's actually what people mean but that's very waffly so they just say they couldn't cope to keep it coherent.

Pacific yes!

I consider myself normal, and it isn't that pleasant being considered a rare species of Coping Woman.

I'd rather just blend in!

Maybe they are trying to pay you a compliment by saying that they couldn't cope as well as you do

Ah, I see. Well, I did get to the stage of saying "I can't cope" - but then I went to see GP and am en route to better health :-) FWIW, I have 3 under 6, work 4 days a week and run a preschool. I like having DH around, but am sure I would be fine without him if needs be!

I think when people say "I couldn't cope.." it's more fear of the unknown. I think YANBU to say that, on the whole, people do just fine when required. And a compliment to you, as well!

But lots of people don't cope, or they don't cope well. I think YABabitU.

Yeah I do get what you mean there Pans; I've had to adapt my lifestyle of course.

I think the thing is, hectic and annoying though my life is, I ENJOY it! So when other people say they couldn't cope with it, it's really annoying! My life is awesome! Who wouldn't want it!?

YABU. Some people don't cope.

I didn't copy Hop really.

Ah, I get you now

Yes, weird.
Some people just don't realise what they could manage if push came to shove.

It's oddly overdramatic, this stance.

I couldn't imagine how I would cope without DH.

So what would you do if he left you, or died Forty?

I was very upset when mine left, I found it harder without him. But I never ever thought I wouldn't cope. I suppose the mindset just intrigues me.

I think the phrase is often trotted out when people could cope with something, but don't have to/chose not to and it implies 'why on earth would you do this?".
Not genuine being pushed to your absolute limit.

I know that my PA mum thinks I am mad to have all these offspring AND work she doesn't understand that I work to get out of the house a bit

Having been sectioned in a mother and baby psychiatric unit, I know that I genuinely couldn't, and wouldn't cope without my DH. Sorry if that annoys you.