to feel a bit disgruntled when people claim they couldn't cope?

[resilientmaterial]

I probably am.

It's just like most people have had some rubbish thrown my way, but I unfortunately have NO support network whatsoever, so as a result everything comes down to me.

So I do feel a bit fed up when people say they couldn't cope with working long days plus DCs plus cooking plus work at home ... or say "I couldn't cope without my DP/mum/neighbour."

I know what they mean, but if they had to they would cope, mostly. We all would. Aibu?

Its not smug, its intended as a compliment - they are admiring the fact that you do so much so well.

Me too Pacific. Plus the tiny matter of eating, shelter, food, clothing, shoes ... we would know the meaning of not coping then!

I have had moments where I have cried and cried and felt like the world is ending but it does not last, I think everyone gets those, I understand brief forays into "mp not coping." The reality is though people DO cope, they have to!

And without my DH who cares for me (I am in receipt of high rate DLA) I would be at high risk of suicide.

I had to cope. I refused to take medication so I could breast feed, hid from my CPN and was forced into hospital. Where I royally lost the plot and became completely manic/psychotic. I'm now on heavy duty anti psychotics, pregnant and worrying about having to cope

People don't cope because they have to.

They do their best to cope because they have to, and cope because they can.

People tell me they couldnt cope with my DD and her sleep issues.

They probably couldn't. .I dont always.

I meant they cope IF they can not because they can. Tired and not coping v well you see.

It doesn't annoy me Twos, why on earth would it? Mental health is very real and very important.

The point however is that 'coping' means 'the world will not end.' I had a very nasty case of appendicitis once and was in hospital for a while, that wasn't me 'not coping' with life, I suppose hundreds of years ago I would have died but now in modern times I coped with support from healthcare professionals which from your description you did / do too.

I'm saying we cope and with different means of support from different people and resources but if they were not there we would find them elsewhere in nine times out of ten cases.

I find your post quite insensitive towards those who can't cope, to be truly honest.

Fanjo you're coping. You're here, surviving, presumably functioning - that's coping.

I'm not sure I cope particularly WELL with life, which is probably why I don't take too kindly to raised eyebrows and shocked responses about it but it is what it is and since you can't put babies back then you just have to get on with it which is why you're doing by the sounds of it!

Mainly.

But some don't cope and have breakdowns.

There is no shame in it. We are all human.

I definitely did not cope, I was on 1:1 care after being found with a noose round my neck and a trip to a&e.

A lot of people genuinely could t cope with a spouse like me, but my DH can, and does. Everyone has their own limits.

Well, I've accepted I'm BU but it does still piss me off which I'm not going to apologise for - its AIBU, and to be honest take it or leave it.

Some people do not cope but they are in a minority.

It depends on who is saying it and why, yes some peope exaggerate but sometimes it's true

Without my DH my children would be taken into care and I would be unable to eat/use the bathroom/move and would have to hope and pray social services would help me (though it would be very unlikely they could meet all of my needs)

So no, I couldn't cope without my DH

Could you cope with caring for your dc if you suddenly became severely disabled and unable to get out of a bed without help?

I think the key is as you said you are coping with a hectic but enjoyable life.

Some have to try to cope with all sorts of shit piled on them..not meaning me necessarily. .and eother don't cope or keep going for other people.

No shame in it.

Well yes Two but there in your own post you have it:

Some people could not cope with a spouse like me

So they would leave, wouldn't they? Difference between not coping with a particular situation and thus changing the situation, and not coping as in "the world will end."

And massive difference between having two two year olds in FT nursery and severe MH problems and I think it's unfair to compare the two to be honest, you presumably discerned from my post I wasn't talking about cosy chats in a psychiatric hospital. In the same way a wheelchair user genuinely wouldn't cope with stairs for example - and why should they have to?

I enjoy it because I choose to enjoy it.

Well some things are easier to enjoy than others like illness disability or bereavement.

So in your world there's either coping or suicide. I couldn't cope without DP, but if I'm honest I probably wouldn't end up dead. So you think I'm lying or being annoying or whatever by saying I couldn't cope.

I'm seeing more and more of this on MN, people getting all shitty and high horse with anybody who uses expressions that aren't literally true.

So what if they aren't literally true? Bloody hard work trying to make everything you ever say to a fellow mother bullet proof. I can't be arsed, sorry.

No I couldn't IAmNot but then surely you have a better idea of what I'm talking about?

Yours is a really extreme and really sad situation. To say "I can't cope" in such a situation is TRUE.

To say "I can't cope working full time" is not the same, is it?!

It depends what you mean by cope.

I have encountered people who glibly say 'oh how do you work, I couldn't possibly cope' when what they really mean is they can see it involves hard work and they wouldn't fancy that, and they do sound insensitive and a bit smug.

I have also encountered people (and been there myself) who have been in depths of despair, depression, severe mh issues and they would say they can't cope but I have nothing but respect for those people.

Of course Glad but when people are making out they couldn't cope with your life/kids/job/house it irks. Really irks.

I have been told by people they couldn't cope living in my flat with children because its too small, they couldn't cope with twins, they couldn't cope being single, they couldn't cope working full time, they couldn't cope with disabled parent (not that parent in question is any real trouble) and I can't help it, honestly! It just REALLY pisses me off that people look at my life with such horror, when they way I see it, I have a good job, lovely family, nice home and am in many ways greatly blessed.

I don't think I could cope with DD as a single oarent.

People say "oh but single parents just have to cope ".

But I physically couldn't manage her needs without immense help from SS.

Just better hope he stays healthy for the foreseeable.

'The point however is that 'coping' means 'the world will not end.''

I would never have imagined 'coping' meant this. I understand it does to you. But I don't think that is necessarily what others mean.

There are various things I'd say I wouldn't have coped with without DH. One of them is the very nebulous issue of mental health. I don't know what I'd be like without him and I can't know. I'm scared to think about it. So yes, I do say 'I couldn't have coped', because I know for damn sure something could have gone differently and worse without him.

Immense help from SS is coping. Giving up your kids altogether (not saying you would!) is a form of coping. A sad state of affairs, awful,desperate and miserable but coping. We had to experience temporary foster care once because no one was available to care for them and I was in hospital. It wasn't pleasant but it was necessary, I still considered that coping - making use of resources available. :)

It is quite annoying, along with being told one is 'very brave' for doing something thousands+ do every day when really they mean that they just don't fancy doing that and/or that never crossed their radar before and seems hard.

Minor pet peeve: the vast majority of people in Africa do eat in the morning (starvation levels for Africa and Europe aren't really that different, the media just tends to latch on African ones).