Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

I don't think the two nights away are that big an issue now tbh since the baby will have to deal with childcare from two weeks later. May as well get used to it.

"I notice no one's getting het up about the father going away for 4 nights when the baby is only 3 weeks old"

^ This.

FFS, the poor woman isn't asking for advice on childrearing. The decision to leave her baby for two whole nights is sod all to do with anyone else.

Juno, best you get your DH on here sharpish and tell him to answer to the demanding mob who think they know how your and his baby should be raised. He, after all, is leaving the baby for double the amount of time you are.

RJ, "involving other people in its care" is not the same as taking a baby away from its primary carer(s) for 72 hours regardless of how it might feel about it.

It is two days, not two months. No reason why op should not enjoy a good wedding with her husband if she wants to, and all is well with new mum and baby, and the children are in safe hands with her parents.

I don't think money is in too short supply here given the money being spent on a wedding that does not necessitate an overnight stay.

expat - again 6 week old baby that the OP hasn't even met yet and a non-essential 2 night stay away. Very different to a woman having to return to work who will see her baby morning and evening.

How do we know? She has her reasons for wanting and needing to go back to work when she does, and again, not a quibble about the father taking off for 4 nights when the baby is 3 weeks old and again when it is 6 weeks.

How will the OP know how the baby 'feels about it', bumbley? The OP has other children, she has presumably been comfortable leaving them as young babies in the past. Why are you insisting you know better than she about what will be best for them?

How so? It's six weeks old. I can't remember who was feeding me. I don't it will be permanently scarred by it.

I don't think the OP ever suggested that she would continue with her plans if she thought her baby would need her particularly more than her existing children did at that age? What's the problem with making plans on the assumption that things will go well rather than assuming the worst? I wouldn't have thought it was necessary for the OP to include a list of things which could happen to make her change her mind about leaving her baby, especially considering that was not even relevant to the actual question she asked!

Yes, you are being precious.
If you are convinced that you will be well enough to attend the wedding and well enough to return to work at 8 post partum, why would you not be well enough to get up by yourself, pack a make up bag and drive 50 miles? You may not even have to do the driving part as you mentioned that someone could give you a lift.
I agree with those who think that you sound like a spoilt princess and that you have your priorities skewed. You don't seem to concerned about your newborn baby whom you haven't yet met nor your parents coping with two nights of sleep deprivation and other children, just how you will get up alone and carry your bag. Bizzare.

The OP is going back to full time work when her child wil be eight weeks old. On what planet does that make her a "spoiled princess"?! Sounds like she's down to earth and sorted out, to me.

OP, I'm sorry this thread has been derailed and I hope you have a lovely break. I know I could've done with a weekend off when my DS was six weeks old, but I never would've been brave enough, or organised enough, to do it.

Oh, and YABU a bit. Let DH be with his mate and have a blissful full nights' sleep in a separate hotel room, alone.

I realise she has not met the child yet. The OP has already said that if there was a real reason it could not be left such as a health problem, of course she would not leave it! All she can do at present is make plans based on what she has done with previous children. Something which I imagine many parents do.

None of this is any of our business anyway, as our opinions on this were not actually asked for.

OP, I can't believe the stick you are getting on here for going to the wedding without the baby.I'm sure your baby will be perfectly OK with your parents and that it will be perfectly well adjusted. As a self employed mother who went back to far more than full time hours and left my children all day from when they were 6 weeks old I can say from personal expence they were non the worse for it and possibly benefited. Have a good time at the wedding, you deserve it.

I gave up reading after page 5, my blood pressure couldn't cope!! Talk about broken records from the judgey brigade!! Glad you got sorted op, enjoy your two nights break, I'd be gone too no question

Fucking hell, this place is so weird sometimes!

OP is leaving her baby with her parents. It's not her first baby, she knows full well what to expect. Babies really all require the same thing (yes, I know I know with the exception of colicky, high needs babies), but essentially their needs are pretty simple. And anyone can satisfy those needs. Much like when OP goes back to work when her baby is 8 weeks old, the baby's caregiver will also satisfy those needs. Doesn't mean the OP loves her child any less than those who can't piss/take a bath/leave DC with any other person until they're 5 years old.

What is with the pearl clutching judgey pants? So you couldn't do it? That's fine, who cares! Some people really struggle to understand that other mothers' parent differently to them don't they?

And if I'm not mistaken, I would imagine that OP is more than confident in her ability as a mother and knows that the decisions she makes for herself and her children are the only decisions that matter. Good for her.

You know what bumbles, at the end of the day it's none of your business. My personal view is that the type of parenting you advocate creates nervous and over dependent children, and that there are a certain type of mother who just have to validate themselves as being so important that they must be with their child all the time because no one else can possibly look after them, and that it is a pile of self important crap.

But again, how you or anyone else chooses to raise their child is none of my business unless I think that child is being put at risk.

Do you think this baby is being put at risk? Or are you just desperately trying to validate your own viewpoint because you need it to be right for your own self worth?

Your posts are incredibly nasty bumbley. Find a hobby and stop judging other women for the way they choose to live their lives.

On a more general note I am amazed at the pressure uk mothers are encouraged to put themselves under regarding every aspect of baby and child care especially regarding 'natural' birth, feeding, sleeping and accepting/welcoming help from family and friends. In France giving birth without drugs/epidural would be looked upon as medieval not something to be praised, it is usual to bottlefeed from birth, take 12 weeks mat leave then straight back to full time work paying for full-time childcare rather than use grandparents etc. Children are and indeed feel just as much loved as under the 'attachment parenting' model that seems so popular here. To get back to the original post from this tangent, my personal point of view is that I would jump at the chance for a child-free weekend away 6 weeks after giving birth and recharge my batteries in the middle of the wonderful but relentless task of caring for a newborn. Don't berate the op for being so sure of her decision and not beating herself up over it!

I think you should book the room for the night before the wedding and tell your husband you really hope he joins you, even if it's just to sleep. Whether or does or not won't affect what it costs you and either way you get a relaxing night away.

Bumbley,that's horrible. No need.

Ok bumbley I'm bowing out now. You've gone way beyond giving your opinion on what's written and are now just being incredibly rude!

OP if you're still reading (and I can't imagine why you would be!) hope everything goes well.

Oh and have a great time Juno.

Its the way it sounded that got my back up and made me feel uncomfortable. She could see her having to pack her own bag and make her own way there as a problem.

But leaving a 6 week old baby was no problem at all.