Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

She's not looking for comments about leaving her dc!!!

Could your husband not do his best man shit and then come back to you at hotel??

Juno I'll come with you. I'm great company

Or you can enjoy the rest and just talk to us all night Plus a bit of pampering of course.

Your baby won't miss you especially as it sounds like you're not breastfeeding?

Ignore judgypants.

The op said if baby had any issues she wouldn't, you can't not plan things and live your life on what if's - get over it!!! Her parents are taking the kids, given they have managed to successfully raise their own kids I am sure they'll be fine

Exactly, marade, seems a very UK-thing. I left my babies overnight with my parents at that age. Bliss! Was so much better, getting a full night's sleep. Worked for us!

Went back to work when DD1 was 8 weeks old - DH stayed home with her days, I did evenings and weekends as we needed to work to save up a deposit for a decent flat and have income behind us to pay for the higher rent. Went back when DD2 was 5 month as again, could not afford even a 10% decrease in pay, much less being on SMP.

No one batted an eye, but it was before 1-year leaves started becoming the norm, which they are not in many, many countries.

Thanks to everyone who had reaffirmed my belief that only DH and I are qualified to make the right decisions for our children. I actually got a bit upset earlier thinking that everyone at the wedding would be judging me and thinking me a bad mother. Thanks to DH (he just spent 20 minutes reassuring me) and then the lovely posts here after, I have got a grip and back to thinking that really, each parent knows best for their own child.

I don't judge, criticise or demean parents who choose to be very attached to their child. I don't think less of SAHM's, or think I do or know better. I don't believe my way is the right way for anyone but myself.

It's sad that not everyone behaves this way.

I guess some people justify their choices by being a bit 'head in the sand' about the alternatives.

Maradesbois what you describe sounds far more like "pressure" to me than the UK alternative.

The bit I really don't get is the insistence that your DH must stay in the room with you the night before the wedding. Nice as it will be to have an extra night child-free with your DH, surely a night in a really nice hotel with spa etc and all the other stuff you said you'd enjoy, alone, is even more of a rarity? I would jump at having the room to myself.

I left DD1 with my mum when she was 11 days old!! for 2 days as DH had been offered an all expenses trip away as a prize for achieving his sales target. He was offered this when I was only three months pregnant and it had to be taken within a set period of time. We went because we knew DD1 was in good hands and wasn't going to be scarred for life because her selfish parents had fucked off for a fab weekend

OP why do you not get on with the bride to be?

Looking back at it now, I'd probably go for the hotel room to myself for one night and then the second night with DH.

I hope if to be as involved as your parents if I become a grandparent. Would love to be able to look after them even as tiny babies. My parents did, was great.

Have a fantastic break!

JimmyCC Op said she's not friendly with the bride at all. Might not mean she doesn't get on with her, maybe just doesn't know her?

Do seek advice on using the spa post c-section (so you won't be disappointed if you can't). I know after one elcs I was fine at 6 weeks, but after the other my wound was still open so no water allowed.

Stroke "with the exception of colicky, high needs babies" - What we've been saying. She hasn't met the baby yet.How do you know it won't be colicky or high need? Do you still think she should leave if it is?

What type of parenting is that RJ? You are accusing me of judging someone else but you are judging me when you know absolutely nothing about my parenting style. Just because I question leaving a 6 week old baby that the OP hasn't met yet you think you know all my opinions about parenting and think I never leave my children in the care of others?

Nasty or honest Janine - sometimes the truth hurts. I'm not the only person on this thread to say the OP sounds precious and/or selfish. She has made it clear what she wants and she is getting it. It doesn't seem like the first time that has happened either - hence 'spoiled princess'.

Maybe your right? And maybe there's also a reason

Exactly Xxed.

Going back to work is a totally different issue. Most people leave a small baby to return to work because they need to financially, are self employed or are in a career where it is expected. That has nothing to do with the OP.

There is a also a huge difference between attachment parenting and leaving a newborn for two nights for a spa weekend and wedding. Most people are somewhere in between.

I'm astounded, I do wonder why some people have kids at all

Op i though ywbu about the room but not at all about leaving your little one if all is well him.
It doesnt make you a bad parent for letting it stay with gp for two nights fgs!
Some people have different parenting views which is fine, but shouldnt be making others feel bad.
You also should feel bad for going back to work, not everybody can stay off work for ages!

You know, I can't imagine leaving my baby for 2 nights at 6 weeks. At that stage I'm velcroed to them. It would physically hurt me to be parted, and as an attachment-oriented, baby-wearing, same-room-sleeping softie I can't fathom any parent doing as the OP intends.

And you know what? That's totally fucking irrelevant to the OP, her life and her choices. She hasn't asked for people's opinions on her parenting and childcare choices, and as she is not abusive or neglectful and has arranged for familiar, loving carers and the baby's sibs to be there with it, it's absolutely none of anyone else's business. There are a million ways to raise a child well and happily, and we all need to go with our gut instincts on how to do it, if the child is to have a shot at growing up confident and secure. A depressed, irritated, conflicted parent is the worst kind, as far as I can see. She's not dumping the baby on an agency nanny; she's leaving it with her own parents, who will presumably have played a role already and will continue to do so throughout the baby's life.

On the issue of the hotel room: OP I don't think anyone is being unreasonable here, but I do think the bridal party staying as a unit the night before is pretty normal. I can see your hesitation, but I'd book a massage, some room service and watch something good on the box with a nice drink and no interruptions, in your shoes.

Meant to be shouldnt feel bad about going back to work

How strange that certain babies are born without the needs of other young mammals ...oh wait! Every baby isn't different - just parents' attitudes to them.

I agree Brand. I've heard others say similar too.

Sorry if they Are best mates like you say then the weekend is about what the groom wants and needs and not you.

I'm as attachment parent as they come, co-sleep, cloth nappies baby wearing but I managed to leave my pfb with her paternal grandparents at 9 weeks old because I had to attend my mothers 50th birthday celebrations 300 miles away. If I feel I need to attend something then childcare is arranged I won't not attend something important just because it means leaving the dc. Pfb is now living away from home and attending uni which reminds me must make plans to visit soon, she's independent, hard working and I'm very proud of her, leaving her didn't damage either of us.

I also dislike the wishy washy - "mums know what is best for their babies" stuff. Some mums just know what is best for them and the baby doesn't come into it!

And I'm not the only person on this thread to say that your posts are nasty, judgemental and make you sound like a horrible person, bumbley.