Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

Or if not a flaming at least a lot of judgey 'well I could never leave my baby' comments.

Yes was very good post strongurgetofly

if not a flaming at least a lot of judgey 'well I could never leave my baby' comments.

The OP has already gotten plenty of those.

Dear Lord - I can't believe it took about so many posts for your actual question to even be addressed! FWIW I was going to say YANBU to be annoyed, but YABU to want the groom to consider you but your husband should have spoken to you before agreeing to anything. Sounds like Mr Juno is either a mindreader or a secret MNer...!

op you are fucking bang out of order!!

totally jealous as my 9 month old is surgically attached to my armpit

I would love two nights away just for me and dp. Enjoy enjoy enjoy!

To be honest I could not be arsed with a wedding 6 weeks post partum. If I had childcare, I would drop the kids off, let dh share with his mate and go to a different hotel altogether for two nights with a good book!

But I can see that's not especially helpful...

All's well that ends well, Juno. I was on my way to say I'd spend twice that for a night all alone! :o but glad you're all sorted. Go and enjoy your evening. :)

I'd have no problem at all leaving my baby with my parents or ILs for two nights at six weeks (the only sticking point for us with DD1 was her refusal to take a bottle). They are all a big part of our DDs' lives. I find it quite odd that the OP is being judged for leaving her baby with her parents, but it is probably a reflection of how other posters' families work. Sad really that extended family is not considered suitable childcare for the baby.

Have a great time OP.

Thanks bumbleymummy and jimmychoochoo
Not sure why this has riled me. It's not the op's fault that our society has become so image obsessed and so bloody entitled.
Priorities are all skewed, people can be so fucking shallow and it sticks in my craw (whatever that means).

Juno I absolutely love your way of doing things.

It's a fantastic thing to have around you a network of people who you trust to look after your child just as well as you can. And the child's father in an ideal situation should be one of those from birth.

I know that's not what this thread is about but I applaud you, such a pleasant change from the "can I go to the shop for 15 minutes and leave DH with our 4 yo" threads.

Wow 6 weeks pp the last thing I could do was handle a "fancy" wedding or a spa break. DD was just so clingy and wouldn't feed properly. I would have felt that she was my and DHs responsibility and not handed her away for so long. I just wouldn't be able to relax at all. But I was a bit of a hot mess.

But if the baby is robust enough and you sound like a toughie so if you have a great time maybe it will be worth it. Meant genuinely.

Not at all Metella, my family are very much involved and we all live quite close to each other. I definitely consider them to be suitable childcare for my children. I just consider their needs as well as my own and if I thought for a minute that one of them would be upset by me leaving them (and I would need for them to be born and actually know that) then I would put their emotional needs before my need for a spa.

I expect you've had some slightly arsey replies on this thread op because you sound utterly charmless. Sorry but tis true!

Yes, of course people should just be able to read the bald facts and respond to those, but its not always all that realistic.

Tbh I read the first half of this thread and got to your post about leaving your baby for 9 hours a day to go back to work when he/she is 8 weeks old and thought I'd check the date incase it was one of our classic t r o l l threads. I see that it isn't, but yours is a bit of an extreme example ya know!

Mostly people will be itching to say "why have a baby if you never want to see it?" but messages like those would be reported and deleted in the blink of an eye.

Whoa - calling the OP selfish and shallow for leaving her children with her parents?

Children form attachments to the people who care for them. If they are cared for substantially more by one person, it stands to reason that that attachment will be stronger.

If you choose not to leave your child for years then fine. That's of course your choice. But if you're honest, you are staying with your child because you can't bare to leave it. Satisfying your own needs to be with your child, as much as the child's need.

How is satisfying your own need in that way any less selfish than someone satisfying their need to be away?

Blimey. I can't believe you're getting such a hard time. Ds is two and a half and has never spent a night away from dh or I (we've had individual nights away but not together iyswim). This works for us but I'd never be so bloody arrogant as to suggest that's right for others. I'm glad you got it sorted. Enjoy your weekend.

To clarify, I'm not taking saying that I would do what the OP is doing. I just feel she has been flamed for making a perfectly valid choice.

I'd say there's a definite whiff of mummy martyr about some of the posts personally!

How is satisfying your own need in that way any less selfish than someone satisfying their need to be away?

^ very easy to answer that. Because the baby isn't even born yet! How can you know the needs of an unborn baby?

I think people are focussing on the 6 week old baby that the OP hasn't even met yet rather than the other children. Bit of a difference there.

Because a new born baby needs fed, cleaned and loved. Are you suggesting that involving more people in its care than the mother means its needs are not met?

If so perhaps you ought to phone social work right now as they suddenly have masses of children they need to be removing from the family situation for not having their needs met.

Believe or not, in many countries, women are not able to take a year off and still keep their jobs, so it common to use childcare from a young age and the children do not grow up to become deranged deviants.

Even in the UK, it's only recently that women were able to take such long
Leaves and keep their jobs and many, many cannot afford to.

They leave their children and go to work because they cannot afford to pay rent otherwise.

Guess they are all selfish people who shouldn't have children at all because they cannot afford to stay home or have another person bankrolling that for them.