Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

You were going to pay for two nights so just book two nights. Go to the spa, relax.

Never would I have left my six week old though.

If you leave your Kids for hours on end day in day out and competent enough to hold down a ft job 'm sure getting yourself to a hotel with an overnight bag isn't beyond you. Definitely precious

How does she know how the baby will be?
If the baby doesn't sleep through the night then why in earth should the grandparents have to deal with that for two nights?? Why should they ? That isn't fair.

bumble that's really offensive to people who don't have mothers.

My SIL died in childbirth. My DB raised the baby, and their 2yo, by himself (with family help of course). Don't dare suggest that my nephew wasn't cared for properly.

I know this is off topic (to an extent) but I thought that the whole point of babies and children was that you are "attached" as a parent. Obviously there is a fine balance between subjugation of self/maintenance of yourself as an individual beyond being a parent.

But attached? Absolutely!

Ok, we'll say 'primary carer' then Juno. Some babies need their primary carer.

I find mumsnet weird.
You either get comments like on this thread or the opposite. Where working high powered mums are happy to leave babies and young children with nannies and childcare for practically all the day.

primary carer - it takes a whole village to raise a child (so the saying goes)

Apparently not for everyone pooka. Any type of attachment to babies is a weakness. They are an inconvenience and should be shipped off several times a year so you can have spa weekends and people carrying your bags for you. Anyone who thinks otherwise clearly has issues and is a martyr, umbilically attached to their child until they reach 20!

Regardless of the children i actually think yabu a bit.

It is the groom's wedding and usually the best man spend's time before the wedding with the groom.

Go away another time with your dh and meet him at the venue on the morning.

If the baby doesn't sleep through the night then why in earth should the grandparents have to deal with that for two nights?? Why should they ? That isn't fair.

Jimmy the grandparents have OFFERED. Why do you have so much difficulty in accepting that?

I know commander or threads where everyone's all LTB because fathers aren't pulling their weight with childcare. But here it's fine for the father to leave the baby at both 3 weeks and 6 weeks but not the mother.

YANBU to want the two nights in the hotel, and I think Mumbaisapphire's suggestion that your dh spends time wih the groom in the evening! whilst you have a lovely relaxing time! but he comes back to you for the night! is the sensible one.

And I know you haven't asked this, but I do not think you are being unreasonable leaving the baby with your parents for a couple of nights - tha baby will be fine, and a couple of nights unbroken sleep will do you both good!

You are right Juno - it is a long time. I didn't leave ds with anyone overnight until he was 2.5
I did go to work part time tho when he was 14mo its just the overnights I couldn't do.
I haven't gone back yet this time so I have left her a couple of times with GPS for a few hours but that's it.
I could do with some me time, maybe it's time to do an overnight with dh.
What time shall I bring them round?

Janine- for the reasons I've already said: the baby isn't even born yet - how on earth does the parents know they can leave the baby for two nights already? How?

Well bumbley, my children have 2 primary carers, me and DH. As we do it all 50/50.

And for the occasions we are both busy, they'll go to a secondary carer. My parents.

AND THEY WILL BE JUST FINE!

That's not the question you asked, though, Jimmy. You said it was 'not fair' for the grandparents to deal with night wakings/feeds. If they are happy to do so, what's the problem?

jimmy what will happen? What could possibly happen?

What if DH and I died in an accident? The baby would need to go to someone else. It's really fine.

But when the dh is on the stag do I'm assuming the op will be with the newborn? Whereas here, both parents are off for 2 nights.

Each to their own. Not something I would have been remotely comfortable with. But then it's seen in the context of the op getting narked that she will be spending the night alone, and have to carry hair product and make up to the car, juxtaposed with their 6 week old baby being sent to stay away from either or the principal caregivers for 2 nights.

This thread has taken a very bizarre turn...

I'm sure the children will be and the baby may very well be too. I do agree with Jimmy that you just don't know that yet. I think it's quite sad that even if the baby did want you that you would ignore its emotional needs for the sake of a spa.

jimmy what will happen? What could possibly happen?

^
If that's your attitude about your unborn baby and your parents then I could ask you : OP what could possibly go wrong or happen if you don't spend 2 nights with dh??

Well said strongurgetofly

Fair enough pooka but I'd be willing to bet if the OP was going on a hen do when the baby was 3 weeks old and leaving the baby with the father she'd get a flaming too.