Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

I never left mine when they were young. I had no family around to do so.

If I had, I probably still wouldn't have. Because I am a bit obsessive about stuff being done just right . But that's my decision. No-one else's.

OP have a lovely, relaxing time at the wedding. Enjoy every minute and ignore this thread.

Why do you have to spend two nights with your dh? I don't get it. I'd be embarrassed to appear clingy and would much rather have a quiet peaceful night alone given the opportunity. Rtht this it what I kept thinking about. That him sleeping with you now is an averted crisis is at odds with your traditional parenting poverty (your choice of course).

*pov not poverty

The vast majority of posters on here are fully in support of you Juno. You are unlikely to get a consensus on Mumsnet - it's almost unheard of.

Because the room costs £220. And for one person the OP considers that a bit much. But it doesn't matter as they are going to be there together now. It's quite fucking clear in the initial post what the actual issue is.

Just read the whole thread and want to say I hope you enjoy the wedding and the whole weekend, OP.

And also to at crazyspaniel's diagnosis of the situation.

bombolina

I don't have to. I want to. I was looking forward to it. Weirdly, I like spending time with him. I'm not at all clingy, I just like him

And I thought things were going to be completely different, and my only other option would be to pay £240 to sleep alone in a hotel room. This would be silly. I wouldn't do this.

Mine snores, my god would I pay £240 for a nice hotel room to myself with no children.

AHHHHH.

Actually I am totally jealous, my mum can't cope with 2 children overnight and my MIL just won't mind them.

I don't understand why people wouldn't take a break but I suppose I am looking at it from that angle.

Whatever works for people I say.

Juno, the idea that reading this (or any) thread would make someone who appears completely confident in their own parenting decisions become post-natally depressed suggests a strange understanding of PND. If you need the break to stave off PND somehow this is also a fairly big drip feed.
I wish you all the best with your new baby, and hope you may find the early weeks easier this time around.

Of course it isn't a drip feed, don't be ridiculous.

I came here to ask a question, entirely unrelated to my parenting choices.

What I got was an awful lot of abuse at my parenting choices.

I would worry that this may not be a healthy way to speak to people - particularly pregnant women, or new parents who may either be suffering PND already, or on the brink. Being told by a load of people that your personal choices are wrong, and you are a bad mother, is not conducive to a health state of mind. So for anyone who is already vulnerable this is really dangerous.

No one suggested that this would be the one and only reason for someone to develop PND. But we are talking about pregnant/new mothers so the risk factor is already high. People should bear this in mind when giving their opinions, particularly those that were never requested.

I think the groom is asking a lot, I'd make DH pay for me to stay another night! As long as its needs are met a 6 week old wont care who he/she is with, have a great time and good luck with the birth. I couldn't bear to read all the pages but I'm glad Juno has the strength to ignore and for those whining 'but it's AIBU' so what? does that give you the right to tear someone to shreds?

Kudos to the op for sticking around - this thread isnt showing mn in it's best light is it!

Being honest, I don't think it's great for a baby to be left (well, away from its primary caregiver) for 72 hours when it's 6 weeks old. But then again, it's not a huge deal in the big scheme of things. Especially if the grandparents have a lot of time with the baby from day 1 so the baby gets used to them.

It's the Op's (and her husband's) choice, anyway, and it's hardly child abuse. Not what I would do, but there are a lot of overreactions here!

Oops - rogue apostrophe there

Hi all,

Thanks for your reports. Could we please ask you to bear in mind the talk guidelines when posting, particularly when commenting on people's parenting choices.

The main aim of the site is, after all, to provide support to parents.

I actually thought the vitriol directed at those criticising the OP was far worse.

Many of us wouldn't have been able to leave a baby this early for this long (breastfeeding or other reasons) yet this approach came in for a lot of stick, unbalanced, obsessed, they will be attached until they are adults, etc. This could equally cause anxiety about one's parenting choices if we are going to follow this silly line of reasoning.

I think the answer is live and let live and don't judge either way. I was a little surprised at the OP's approach to the question but the baby will clearly be in safe hands so everyone's different.

goodness, what a to-do.

I'm actually very at Juno's situation. It sounds like she has a fantastic set-up with parental leave split equally and doting family members on hand to be a full part of the children's lives. It sounds wonderful. And it sounds (barring weddings, where she's obviously had a hormonal wobble) that she and her DH are confident parents.

Can I come and get some lessons please? DD is 4 and we have never left her overnight, these days because there is no-one to leave her with, but earlier on because I was just too anxious. Which was daft, given how good a sleeper she's been from about 6 months. We have a wedding to go to this year and I am hoping she can do a sleepover with a chum (as again, family not good to turn to). If we manage to arrange it, I shall be sooooooooo happy!

Forgot to say on my earlier post, have a great time op. Hope the birth of your baby goes well and you have a speedy recovery. Congratulations in advance on your new addition to your family.

I agree Kitsey. Mind you, this thread has got it all going on for a mumsnet bun fight - children at weddings, bf vs ff, elcs, leaving newborns. I think the only things missing are parent and child parking spaces and using disabled toilets.

This thread wasn't actually about any of those things, in the OP!

And a goat. Shall I introduce a goat? And a flat screen TV.

Will the grandparents be feeding the other children coke and crisps, you didn't specify OPbDRIP-FEEDING!

They might even give the baby a fruit shoot.

Aww not coke in a baby bottle then?

You are not a bad mother. Some people may have suggested this, but not fair to tar us all with the same brush. In fact I think you are a better mother than you imagine, ie more important to your baby than you imagine, based on your posts that he/she won't care who is doing the caring.
Your baby will be fine and you will be fine, and it is ok for others to say they wouldn't have considered leaving their baby as long as they don't say that you are terrible for doing so.