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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re DH's friends wedding

999 replies

Juno77 · 26/01/2014 17:42

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

  1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
  2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all
OP posts:
Lifeisaboxofchocs · 27/01/2014 07:26

bumbley... rather than focus on criticising juno and feeling angry at her, why don't you channel that aggression towards something a lot more worthwhile, for children genuinely neglected and abused.

You won't though. Of course you won't. Because, as you wrote upthread, you're sitting writing all this nonsense with a cup of tea and some chocs, and actually doing something worthwhile would involve effort, time, at the very least getting up from your sofa.

saintmerryweather · 27/01/2014 07:38

The mice thing was totally Irrelevant really. The only way it might have been applied to this post is if other mice (the baby mouses grandparents) had been persuaded to lick it and its cortisol levels werent as high as when its mother did it, proving once and for all that only mummy mice can look after their babies.

As it is there doesnt seem to be any proof that it wasnt the act of being licked/soothed/whatever that caused the higher cortisol levels and it Wouldn't actually matter what mouse was looking after the babies

Its not like shes leaving the baby in a house on its own

pictish · 27/01/2014 07:44

Don't like the statement that Pictish 'won't forget your name'. Oooooh should we be scared?

Ha ha Grin - not at all. Despite the fact that I have disagreed with the opinions of many on here, and even locked horns with some of them, I couldn't tell you any of their names, as I never remember them. That's all I meant by that. x

Mellowandfruitful · 27/01/2014 08:03

So what you meant by 'I won't forget your name' was 'I will forget your name'? In other words, you just said that to make another poster feel reprimanded? I see.

pictish · 27/01/2014 08:04

Eh?

pictish · 27/01/2014 08:05

No - I meant that Bumbley was being so outrageous, that for once I would remember.

Groovee · 27/01/2014 08:05

As your dh is best man, I would expect him to stay with the Groom the night before as part of his duties. Dh's best man did this and my bridesmaids stayed with me.

I think you planned a great weekend away with dh but in reality it's not how you wanted it to be and you are pissed off.

Friendsupport · 27/01/2014 08:16

The issue of Juno leaving her baby behind is nine if our business once the baby is left in safe hands.

But I cannot see why Juno can't go along anyway. If the groom is paying for her Dh the night before then it will be costing the same as the original plan. If it's what you want Juno, forget the cost & just do it.

JimmyChooChoo · 27/01/2014 08:18

OP- are you honestly going to enjoy this wedding because I've re read your post and to me it sounds like

A) you begrudge spending £200 for the first night in a hotel just to be on your own (which is fairly understandable )

B) your dh will be best man so he's (I assume) going to be busy on the wedding day/ not always with you

C)you don't get along with the bride as well !

If 'having 1 or 2 child free relaxing nights with a couple luxuries' is the main appeal then surely having a separate weekend away could be better?

Also what's the searing arrangement ? I'm assuming dh will be on the top table- what about you though?
Will you have anyone you know/are friendly with there ?

JimmyChooChoo · 27/01/2014 08:18

Seating - bloody phone

JapaneseMargaret · 27/01/2014 08:25

This thread is astonishing.

Jimmy - what are you expecting Juno to say in response to your post? 'Oh, you're right, I hadn't even thought about it! I'm not even going to enjoy the wedding!' Confused

I'm guessing she's going because she's also friends with the groom, and there will be lots of others there that she knows...?

Juno - have a great time. :)

JimmyChooChoo · 27/01/2014 08:30

Japanese- well it doesn't sound like its going to enjoyable for does it?? She doesn't even like the bride!

JimmyChooChoo · 27/01/2014 08:31

Astonishing really ? Grin

JapaneseMargaret · 27/01/2014 08:33

No - she's not friends with the bride.

There's absolutely no reason to think the wedding won't otherwise be great craic.

JapaneseMargaret · 27/01/2014 08:35

Yes, astonishing.

The OP has taken a 615-post battering, for deigning to leave her baby with her very own parents.

JimmyChooChoo · 27/01/2014 08:36

Ops wording : I'm not friendly with the bride at all

HaroldLloyd · 27/01/2014 08:38

She didn't want to shell out 200 quid to sleep in a room on her own.

It's her husbands best friends wedding and a chance for them to have a weekend away.

In struggling to see why that wouldn't be enjoyable.

Some of you people need to let this lie seriously.

Original poster
Juno77 · 27/01/2014 08:39

I'll respond to you jimmy, though really I feel the thread had long past the wedding stage.

I am not friends with the bride, purely because we both have deep, established friendship groups and we just haven't ever been in a position of desire to spend much time together. We are very different. We get along just fine, we socialise often with our DH's, but we have no standalone friendship.
I was pointing out that we weren't 'friends' to avoid people asking why I wouldn't spend the evening before the wedding with her.

Yes DH will be busy most of the day best-manning. He is very attentive and will spend as much time with me as he can however. But I will be socialising with others a lot, yes.

I did grudge spending over £200 to sleep in a hotel room alone, yes. It seems like a waste of money when really we don't 'need' to. But DH won't be staying with the groom anyway, he'll stay with me. And I was being precious, we've established that.

I haven't seen the table plan, but yes DH will be at the top table and I won't. DH and the groom have LOTS of friends, who I obviously know, and am looking forward to spending the day with them.

Despite how my OP might have sounded, I'm actually very independent and sociable, very confident in social situations. I don't have concerns about the day.

My issue was that we had a plan I was looking forward to, which was relaxing and easy, and I thought it was being waysided and I'd have to travel/arrive alone, and be less relaxed. I was annoyed. I was BU.

It's sorted now as I jumped the gun and reacted to something that wasn't going to happen. DH was never intending to change the plans.

And I got a whole load of judging in the process.

OP posts:
JapaneseMargaret · 27/01/2014 08:40

Yes, that's right. She's not friends with her.

Nowhere does she say she doesn't like her.

There will, presumably, be other people at he wedding, right?

Lj8893 · 27/01/2014 08:52

Jeeeeez it seems some people didn't take the Valium I suggested last night!!!

NuggetofPurestGreen · 27/01/2014 08:57

She never said she didn't like the bride! She said she is not friendly with the bride. I am not friends with millions of people doesn't mean I don't like them

HaroldLloyd · 27/01/2014 08:58

It was a judge-athon. Even for mumsnet I have been surprised by the sheer volume of it!

RockinHippy · 27/01/2014 09:14

YANBU to be peed off, both with your DH & the groom for just assuming its okay & will will just go along with it. Though I doubt its that unusual a situation, DH & I did similar when we got married, both of us stayed in separate rooms in a large hotel & best man stayed in his room, bridesmaids mum, bridesmaid & her DB stayed with me - BUT it was only for one night, no-one had just given birth or already made other plans.

I think the grooms being a bit "groomzilla" to expect DH to drop everything for 2 nights just after the birth of a new baby & your obvious plans to spend a little quality time together - bet his WTB wouldn't be so pleased if the tables were turned a few weeks down the line.

& your DH is a spineless arse for not just saying no

jacks365 · 27/01/2014 09:25

juno enjoy the wedding Thanks

pictish · 27/01/2014 09:31

I agree Harold. I was very taken aback by the pushy posts on this thread.

I used to have an extremely meddlesome next door neighbour called Elizabeth, back when ds1 was a tiny baby. If I was out in the garden, out she would come, and where I would just seek to exchange some pleasantries, she invariably felt compelled to dish out some haughty, judgemental parenting 'advice', tutting and shaking her head at me, even though I never asked her for it, and made it clear I found it overbearing.
She offered her opinions to randoms at the bus stop and at the doctor's surgery as well. She was known locally as a frightful busybody and was considered as one to avoid.
She wasn't a nasty person I don't think, but her behaviour was inappropriate and histrionic and she felt quite entitled to behave as she did. Sadly she and I fell out in the end, as all polite appeals to her, to stop telling me how to mother my own child, fell on deaf ears. She had something to say and she was going to say it, whether I wanted to hear it or not.
She was crazy.

Last night Bumbley and Co were the internet Elizabeths imo.