Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

Ah pictish, the old 'it's the way you said it'. Well, maybe it's the way you've read it. Other people have written the same things as I did. I have every right to be here and every right to express my opinion just as everyone else on this thread has done.

What was your response to Juno's last comment, about the mice in the hope it would make her a better mother?

You said something like

Sorry I don't think that will help.

Can you explain what you meant by that, if it wasn't a dig at her?

You have the right to express your opinion, bloody hell screaming itself hoarse while you have a spa?

That's not an opinion that's just plain nastiness.

This is not healthy and it's not good for you. It wasn't three hours ago and it certainly isn't now.

But others have read it the same way.

Ah well I think it's perfectly OK to be a 'hippy-parent-lentil-weaver-attached-at-the-umbilical-cord-with-no-life'. I'm definitely more lentilly than Spa-y myself, for that matter.

Repeatedly attacking an OP who has clearly explained that she's made a considered decision with which she's happy - & which was never the subject of her post - is not so acceptable, bumbley. Rude & aggressive.

Should've read the whole thread before I posted! I
didn't realise it had been quite so heated!!!
Juno it sounds like you won't change your mind, but I'm with bumble on this one. Have fun at the wedding.

RJ, I could say the same to you. You've been 'picking' at me throughout this thread and posting almost constantly too. You even made comments about my 'parenting style' (which you know nothing about) making clingy children. Someone else on this thread said my babies should spend as little time with me as possible. I have been called a few names etc - all of this is apparently acceptable and overlooked but my behaviour by defending/explaining myself is disgraceful/offensive/outrageous? Double standards I think.

You're with Bumble on what one?
That her dh should spend the first night at the hotel with the groom or herself?
Because that's what she was asking!

I can't take anymore.

Night.

Oh good lord.

I've not been posting constnantly. I've not been picking at you. Anything I said about your parenting style was ages ago on my first or second post, where I ws attempting to show you how unreasonable it is to base a whole opinion of someone on a couple of comments. You haven't been able to grasp that either.

I have my own opinions and ways of parenting but I'm able to recognise others as equally valid unless Thr child is in risk, I asked repeatedly if you thought this child is at risk, you ignored it.

I hope you are drunk, I really do. Can you not see all these people trying to tell you about Thr way you have been posting?

Yes Janine, the one comment that was deleted that said that if the baby was high need it could be screaming for her and she would be in the spa. Nasty or honest? From reading the thread, do you think the OP is going to cancel her weekend if the baby is high need? So maybe what I was saying was truthful even if it was put bluntly.

Juno, you can call it patronising. I wasn't the only person saying that either. Several of us were. I'm not sure why you think your style of parenting is what influences the needs of a baby but hey ho! The case thing has been brought up a few times - not just by me.

No I'm with bumble that a six week old needs to be higher up the list than driving for an hour and a bit, packing one's own suitcase and spending 240 pounds or not on an extra night in a hotel. It was odd to me (although I'm not willing to fight to the death about it, don't care THAT much) that OP wasn't at all bothered by leaving such a young baby for such a long time, and quite far away. For 'me time'. Warped priorities IMO.

That Juno has stayed so calm is really impressive.
I've had enough too.
Goodnight.

There has definitely been fault on both sides here. Bumbley I am actually inclined to agree that Juno should reconsider and it is clear she has a very different view of parenting than I do. Some of your comments have been very rude to her. They would have been better directed at some other rude posters who did not share you views because being fair the OP has not been rude.

I'm not sure why you think your style of parenting is what influences the needs of a baby

What? Like really, what?

The needs of a baby have been discussed. Repeatedly. You aren't reading properly or your mind is closed to the alternatives to your preferred style of parenting. I don't know which.

Please stop being nasty and judgemental. I'm not doing it to you.

OP you are young to have to accept that at this wedding you are not going to be your husbands highest priority. As you have pointed out numerous times his best friend is getting married.

I'm not quite sure why it is ok to spend the afternoon and evening by yourself but not sleep alone. You do sound somewhat precious.

I am intrigued by the thought you hadn't considered leaving your stuff in the car or booking an early check-in. I presume it's hormones making you overreact.

Finally I hope you are less detached with your children than you appear.

She said she was going to go and lick mice to help her be a better mother - not the point of the study at all. Why would licking mice help anyone be a better mother?

Harold, yes, it would be very nasty. Also a possibility if a baby can not be settled by other people and the only person s/he settles for isn't there. Do you not think that can happen?

Haven't attacked her repeatedly Raven. You can jump on the bandwagon too but now they've been put on the spot they're struggling to find those highly offensive posts that are oh so much worse that the things others have posted.

pictish, I answered that one way at the start so maybe you haven't read my posts as well as you think.

Good grief!

I left mine with their father overnight at that age, expressed bottles even, and my mother. All three of them. Excuse me for not being Supermum. I was exhausted.

I can't see any sign they are damaged by my one or two night's of unbroken sleep.

'Primary caregiver', they had as many we could rope in! Wish I'd been closer to my sister, I'd have left them with her, too. She's amazing.

I left DD1 to go to work when she was 8 weeks. I was the higher earner, and had not been in the job long enough to qualify for but 8 weeks at full pay. Left her with her father because we needed money.

But how is that any different from another mother who, for whatever reason, goes back to work at 8 weeks? Just because Juno appears to have money, is that why? None of our business! Her reasons are no one's business. Gah, I worked with very high-powered female solicitors who came back after 8 weeks and left their children with . . . a nanny! How dare they? It was all for their selfish wants, surely . . .

None of my business, Juno's childcare situation or her going to this.

You'd think she was leaving her children with a pack of wild dogs from some of the comments on here.

K bumble I've actually counted just for your sake.

I've made 26 posts on 6 and a half hours not including this one, which tallies with me popping in roughly every 15 minute.

You've posted 70 times. W have got any message you are trying to get across. Many of us don't agree, some do, that is life.

I seriously suggest you go sleep as you have lost all sense of proportion now.

Thanks kiwi - we aren't alone on the thread but I seem to be taking the brunt of the criticism right now for it!

Juno, I am not being nasty by saying that a baby's needs are not determined by your method of parenting.

I have no idea what transpired when I left my babies with their father or my mother. Gah, oh, no! They may have been 'high needs' and not settled. They must have got there in the end . . .

Bugger me, wanting a full night's sleep when it was offered.

Holy shit, my husband and I used to rotate, two nights on, two nights off, from about 6 weeks, as we both had to work with DD1 and DD2.

They will all surely be emotionally damaged deviants!

expat, it has already been said that leaving a baby for a working day because you HAVE to go back to work is not the same as leaving a baby for 72 hours because you want to go away for the weekend.

RJ, yours are not the only posts that I have had to reply to. Your posts were mainly directed at me though.

How does a baby know if it's left for work or pleasure??