Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

I'm actually sure that there's a body of evidence that unsettled / high needs babies are influenced by maternal cortisol levels during gestation in many cases. I can't be arsed looking it up at this time of night though, but if I remember rightly, the inference was that lowering stress in pregnancy made more content less stressed babies after birth.

Baby wont be six weeks post major abdominal surgery.

My DS1 certainly did cry for me at a very young age. He has ASD and was only able to be comforted by me, however hard we tried to get him used to other people. It took months before he would allow anyone else to hold him. Nothing we did would work.

Thia is getting out of hand.

If Juno is happy with her decision then that's that. She didn't ask for any opinions about whether she should leave her baby at 6 weeks.

Also some people have to work. That is a fact of life.

Give the woman a break, jeez!

I would make sure the baby was able and comfortable being settled by my DH, as he is the baby's father. I wouldn't take the baby and continue to allow it to only be settled by me. There is no baby in the world who cannot settle without it's mother, only mothers who won't let their babies settle with other people.

I think babies settle better for primary care givers generally in your case that is 50/50. Did you read the other thread where the thread is about a baby free honeymoon at 8 weeks postpartum. A nanny posted on it pointed to the reality that her mindee settled better for her rather than its own mother. I think it is a good thing that mothers want to be better at settling their own children.

I think two of my three dc cried for me at that age. They could be settled by dh though (and sometimes better than me, particularly dd who was colicky, wanted to feed constantly because she had a sore stomach, but then the feeding would sometimes make the colic worse). But there was a definite sense that they were less settled with my mother, for example, who spent heaps of time with them, especially dd, than they were with me or dh. Ds1 was markedly different (and still is to be honest).

Actually there were studies in mice that showed that mother mice who licked/nurtured their babies had babies with lower stress levels. Something to do with cortisol binding...

I am reading this thread and my mouth has dropped open in disbelief.

Why all the faux concern for the grandparents? I am sure OP knows HER OWN PARENTS better than some of you.

She is going away for a weekend. She is not leaving the baby in a forest to be brought up by wolves.

Get some fucking perspective.

Juno, I can only wonder if you're not a solicitor. I can't think of many other people who could keep so calm and dignified in the face of so much spite and stupidity!

I hope you have a great time at the wedding.

Fucking mice? What??

Mice are not the same as people they have different genetics.

pictish, other people have said the same as I have. Most of my posts have actually been directed at other people, not the OP.

"Actually there were studies in mice that showed that mother mice who licked/nurtured their babies had babies with lower stress levels."

And studies on marmosets showed that Thalidomide was perfectly safe to be taken during pregnancy.

Sadly that was a load of bollocks too.

You're showing yourself to be very silly bumbley with your strawman comments.

Maybe you could leave your mum with some licky mice while your away. That should solve all the problems and make everyone happy?

Well, this post is about me. It isn't about my children, or parenting, as I don't have an issue there that I wanted to discuss.

Obviously some people do, but I don't.

So yes, this was 'all about me'.

^
Clearly OP it's all about you

Again, personal attacks. Why on earth do you think you can criticise me when you sit there and do the exact same thing?

The study in mice was directed at RJ. It was do with cortisol levels in the blood being reduced by nurturing behaviour such as licking from the mother mice.

I am well aware that they are not the same as people :) We still use them for a lot of medical research though. I'm pretty sure you aren't as dismissive of all of it :)

Yes I am.

Farking hell. Was the mice study on the first page of google?

She has already said that the question she asked was all about her.

FFS!

Really? So you don't think we should take anything from animal studies then?

OP should definitely take some mice to the wedding so that she can lick them .

Have a great time.

Bumbley, your behaviour on this thread is quite appalling.

No.