Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

RJ - have you head of kangaroo care? Seems to be getting quite popular.

Oh god I remember that waterskiing thread. Was that not Xenia?

Good point perfect.

There is lots of research coming through about the effects of cortisol in the mother in fetal brain development and post birth behavioural issues as well, I've been to a couple of really interesting conferences in Thr last year or so where they presented on it. But obviously concern about the child is second here to some people validating their own view points.

If you're got to work, you've got to work. Needs must and all that.

I just see the two things as being different. But am aware that I probably fall into the attachment group and am probably being judged for lentil-weavery/umbilically attached/woo/hippiness.

From experience I've always found those people that are very vocal about how attached they are to their kids and how they could never leave them bla bla bla, are all mouth and no action. It says far more about their own insecurities and failures that they have to judge someone else's parenting so harshly.

OP I hope you have a lovely weekend. I'm not jealous at all.

Kangaroo care is fab when you are actually able to remove the child from the incubator and hold it. Don't be so bloody patronising about something which you obviously have no experience of. You are making yourself look even more unpleasant.

I don't think it was Xenia. Didn't it get pulled for trolling?

Pooka when an OP asks for input, and posts something bonkers, I don't find an explosive reaction horrifying. I find it inevitable. There are people on AIBU who post flame-bait and then get what they came for, and I don't really care when that happens. What I do find unpleasant is when someone isn't doing anything objectively wrong or even extreme, and isn't asking for input on their choices, and has this crap to cope with when in an objectively vulnerable situation.

Bumble, of course I have considered my baby's needs. I've been over this!

My baby, at 6 weeks, needs:
Love
Warmth
Food
A safe environment
Cuddles
Clean clothes

It will get all that, and more.

No issue.

Rhondajean that's just being silly. Obviously some people would prefer the OP stayed with the baby, with the possible outcome of it being less distressed. So should no one give any advice to pregnant women (stop smoking; don't rock climb at 39 weeks; your dh is cheating etc) in case it increases her cortisol levels?

Yes pooka, apparently you are all 'attachment-parent-lentil-weavery-attached-at-the-umbilical-cord' if you question leaving a 6 week old no happy medium at all! (of course these types of judgements are completely fair)

I've said all I intend to say to you, Bumbley. I have more constructive conversational options.

It's primary care giver(s) who it will be able to recognise and miss...

Its (autocorrect)

No I think was a poster called moshe.

Xenia went back to work 2 weeks after she had her dcs I think. I liked Xenia. She was immensely sorted in many respects although I disagreed with her at times about WOHM/SAHM (or fallback that all women should work outside the home. She had nannies I think and used to have babies (twins?) brought to her for feeding during the day while expressing and feeding by night.

I'd love to know how you, bumbley, think you know better than this baby's parents what its needs are? Do enlighten us all.

Juno77 ignore. And have a fantastic time

Well I wouldn't leave a puppy for 2 nights let alone my own baby.

Are you really going to enjoy drinking / Spa-shit knowing your baby will be crying for you?

And I don't 'need' my husband to carry my bags. I just had this image of turning up at the wedding, after an hour and a half drive, carrying an overnight bag and feeling tired and a bit shit, when the alternative is a lovely relaxing afternoon, followed by a good, full nights sleep, a nice slow breakfast and chilled morning getting ready, and a walk downstairs to the ceremony. Probably via the bar

We've established about 8 pages ago that a) I was overreacting and b) DH isn't staying with the groom anyway.

Did Xenia get banned? :(

RJ, you need to unclench. I'm not being patronising. I think kangaroo care looks great and has been making a huge difference and is increasing in popularity. There is nothing unpleasant in that at all except that it came from me so therefore MUST be unpleasant in your eyes. Get a grip.

Iggy if you read everything posted on here it's not giving advice, it's ripping to shreds. There is nothing wrong with people putting differing view points over or how on earth would anyone learn or change their minds, but that's not what's been happening. Fortunately Juno I suspect won't give a shit as she's confident in her choices.

drunken - why would my baby be crying for me? Babies cry for hunger/wetness/attention. Not for their mother.

Should I not work incase my baby cries for me? What if is want to go out for a few hours? How could I enjoy myself knowing my baby might be crying for me? Or god forbid, I spend time with my older children.

Get a grip!

But we are obviously very differ bet as I don't like dogs much.

RhondaJean - precisely. The near-unbalanced levels of hysteria on a stranger's parenting decisions... well, I for one have found it quite unsettling to read. Are some people really this insecure, that they need this means of validation? I can't think of any other explanation for the febrility.