Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

And that comment doesn't relate to working by the way. Which for many is a necessity and usually
Involves organising gradual introduction of a principal caregiver if it isn't the case that the mother/father will do childcare while other at work, and doesn't usually involve 2 days break.

No because for whatever reasons none of my business. You have limited maternity leave and you are using some of it to go a wedding, not for a day, but two nights.

If I had such short mat leave I would want to spend as much time as possible with my baby.

I love my friends but they are no where near as important as my 6 week old baby.

I would want to spend as much time as possible with my baby.

But that's YOU.......and we are not talking about YOU TheXxed

Juno - that was a quote from a link that casmama posted. Have a go at her (or the people who wrote the paper) if you find it distressing or offensive. I have being using 'primary care giver' or equivalent since you mentioned your SIL earlier in the thread unless I was talking about a specific situation where a mother was present.

Bullshit pooka!

That's only the case for lucky/privileged people.

A lot of families have both parents work. And there isn't always time spare to afford the luxury of gradually introducing a caregiver. One day parents at home, next they are at work and child is at nursery/childminder/nanny/grandparents whatever.

Not all children have 2 parents anyway. And even those that do can't all afford these luxuries.

It doesn't make them bad parents.

Bumbley is not talking about people who do not have mothers. She is talking about your situation.

thexxed that would be entirely your decision. I wouldn't judge you for that.

I'm interested: how exactly do those attacking the OP think they are helping anyone or anything, or doing anything but causing distress to a heavily pregnant woman? And if so deeply and profoundly concerned by the needs and best interests of that baby, and that is their justification, how do they square that with the hormonal/chemical cocktail this level of attack on her parenting is likely to be sending surging through her body - and thus her foetus' brain?

Sorry. Not seeing how that is child-centred activity, personally.

Interesting that you missed off the last sentence of that paragraph Bumbley

" There is a potential methodological flaw with Carpenter’s investigation in that those rating the behaviour of the infants knew which condition was being used at any time."

I'm sure there are other more recent studies but as I am neither writing a thesis nor telling other people how to look after their children I don't feel the need to go searching any further. You can feel free to look.

FGS I cannot believe this thread is still rumbling on. At 6 weeks babies mostly sleep. It can do that in the grandparents house just as easily as it does at home. If I was offered a two night break, with people I 100% trust minding my children, I would jump at it. The baby will not notice or remember at 6 weeks.

I'm with expat on page one.

You want to leave your 6 week old baby for 2 nights for a piss up and a Spa!?

Wtf are you? Jesus. Not sure I'd want to leave a puppy or kitten for that long at 6 weeks let alone my own baby.

Probably shouldn't have bothered posting the link at all then Casmama. It doesn't really prove a point does it? Its content has also distressed the OP.

Been there, done that viewpoint Drunken - that's YOUR choice and I would respect you for it. Just respect that other's don't agree with you.
(Or read the whole thread.)

Bumbley - do you have any idea how offensive and distressing your continual focus on the mother being so damn important is to people who don't have mothers

Are you for real OP should we really de emphasise the value of mothers for that circumstance. I think people who have lost their mother are well aware of the lose they have suffered.

I actually found the link really interesting. It was your repeated commenting on 'mothers' that I think could be distressing. It would be to my DB if he read it. Don't worry, I'm not distressed.

drunken that's cool, I wasn't actually planning to invite you anyway.

Yes, Bumbley, it's definitely the other poster who has upset the OP on this thread.

Can people just back the hell off of a pregnant woman, and stop tearing her parenting to shreds? Or is that too much to expect?

Is this a celeb wedding or something?

for Juno77 - you have remained dignified in the face of some horrible, horrible posts. I hope you have a great time at the wedding.

Haven't read all the posts as this is epic!

Wanted to add I don't think yanbu to be a bit miffed about this one.

My DH was best man at a wedding hundreds of miles away, we travelled down with DS who was 14 months. I knew no one, I'd only met the bride and groom once.

We got there on the afternoon before the wedding and met the 'wedding party' parents etc in the bar then the bride announced the groom and DH were off now! My face must have been a picture, I was expecting them to go off for a few pints on the night and was planning on staying in the room with DS but not this.

A bewildered DH was lead away to be driven 30mins away and sleep on the sofa in some house somewhere! I never saw him until the ceremony, was left on my own, knowing no one in a hotel with no lift and a 14 month old and bags and pushchairs. Had to find a bloody country mansion on my own, control DS during the ceremony, sit through a meal on my own as he was on the top table, then he was made to drive back to the hotel and decorate the fecking hotel room so was gone another hour and a half.

Sorry I went into a rant there...

My point is I realised there would be a reasonable amount of best man duties, beers night before, ceremony, meal/speeches etc but I've never heard of a best man sleeping in the same room as a groom!!!

The thought that grown men with families/partners with them would want to do that never entered my head and when it was sprang on me (albeit a little later than you) I was absolutely furious with them all, the bride and groom more than DH as he was put in an awkward position.

Not sure if that is relevant or helps but it's made me feel a bit better getting it off my chest!

another actually if you RTFT you'll see hat it's the overemphasis on mothers as the be all and end all that I was referring too.

The methodical flaw is in the criticism piece that you posted from further down in my link. All studies will have criticisms made of them as no study is perfect- the validity of that criticism is questioned.

I am gobsmacked that you would comment on upsetting the OP when you deliberately picked out the one sentence in my link (and posted it not in the proper context) that would be likely to upset the OP.

She doesn't seem upset by anything I've written about her leaving the baby perfectstorm. Quoting from a study that someone else linked to that has 'mother' in it though was apparently offensive and distressing though. I was just pointing that out to casmama because she was the one who linked to the study.

Juno I have read the full thread. I have decided not to respond up until that nonsense you spouted as there are talk guidelines.

"deliberately picked out the one sentence in my link (and posted it not in the proper context) that would be likely to upset the OP."

Lol! Are you kidding me? I picked it out because you posted the link to show that 6 week old babies do not form attachments and that paragraph stated that they do. The fact that there was a weakness in it not being a blind study does not completely invalidate the results. If you thought the content would upset the OP then why link to it at all?