Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

Nirishma
That's normally good advice but somehow I don't think it will apply in this case...

I know this is all resolved now but I have to say OP that you are one of the most unreasonable and self-centred posters I have ever seen on MN. Truly astounding.

I think a baby is just a big bundle of want, actually. It wants fed. It wants to be warm. It wants to sleep. It wants to feel as secure as it did in the womb. I think you are downplaying the importance of being a primary (or even 50/50!) caregiver if you think the person doing the caring doesn't matter.

Are you open to the possibility that you might just not want to leave him/her? I know you already have dcs but the experience is different every time.

So, why don't you get on with the bride?

"There's an assumption that a baby doesn't care who looks after them or isn't attached to parents at 6 weeks. I think that that is generally not accepted to be the case."

^^ this

nirishma no I won't be BF.

The baby won't be 2 weeks late as I am having an ELCS.

I don't need/want an excuse. I am looking forward to the wedding. I can't imagine not going, it's DH's best friend!

To answer earlier questions re the bride - no, we aren't friends, no bad reason, just different people. We socialise as a group on occasion but we are quite different people and aren't personally friendly.

bumbleymummy said - I just think that is worth considering.

I really honestly don't think she wants to - get it??

What if you want to breastfeed? Six weeks is too young to be leaving your baby with a bottle for the day. It'll wreak havoc on your supply. Even if you're planning on bottlefeeding, couldn't you use breastfeeding as an excuse? His mate doesn't have to know it's a big fat excuse.

It's two nights love. Two nights. It's all quite clear in the actual thread.

Juno you seem almost proud of how little attachment you have to your children, almost boasting about how soon you plan to return to work. It's quite depressing to read.

It's just that I feel like the groom doesn't take my feelings into account at all when planning his fucking wedding.

This is a bloke we're talking about here...the groom will be struggling to cope with his own fiancee's feelings, his parents' feelings, her parents' feelings... He won't have headspace to have even considered the implications of his pre-wedding arrangements on his best man's wife and I think YA possibly BU to think he should, realistically.

My 9 week old has wanted me and no-one else today as he is feeling under the weather, I'm his mother, he knows that. Honestly - leaving a 6 week old for the weekend... for a piss up at a wedding?!

Well,yes, DP, it's fairly obvious that the OP doesn't want to but that doesn't mean that I don't think it's worth considering.

Funky, 2 nights away from a 6 week old baby could actually affect your supply and could be hard for the baby (as well as being bloody painful fo you!). Not that it's relevant in this case but you can't really be dismissive about it.

imagine boasting? What makes you think I'm boasting? Going back to work isn't something to be proud of. It's just something I have to do.

I also don't like your suggestion that I have little attachment to my children. We are very close. What a strange thing to say?

Who cares how soon the OP plans to return to work? It's her choice. She has stated that she and her DH plan to take equal maternity/paternity leave. I think this is bloody GREAT.

For all those getting het up about primary caregivers this would indicate that at 6 weeks these concerns are unfounded.

What Imagine said isn't strange, someone could very easily infer this from reading the thread.

juno is leaving her baby with the grandparents, who have offered to take her/him. I imagine the grandparents are the loving kind, who having brought up their own kids can perfectly manage a beloved grandchild of their own for a couple of days.

Or maybe Juno is leaving her baby with a pack of kindly wolves who have offered in exchange for some pedigree chum.

Some people on this thread are mental.

That someone has less attachment to their children because they work?

My god.

It's the irony of a capable, grown woman mithering about her dh potentially not sleeping next to her in a hotel for one night while happily leaving (both of them) their 6 week old baby without either of them for 2 nights for no good reason or necessity that I find - unpalatable.

When babies are older and more securely attached and have stronger grandparent bond - go for it! Knock yourself out! It just seems odd to me to be focussing so wholly upon yourself at that stage

Must be a lot of dads of children from this thread who have little attachment to their children then.

What a sad, sad POV.

From your link Casmama:

"However,the Asocial Stage may not be quite as asocial as Schaffer & Emerson presumed. G Carpenter (1975) demonstrated that two-week-old infants can recognise their mother’s face and voice. He set up a situation in which the infants looked at face while hearing a voice. Sometimes the face and the voice belonged to the same person; sometimes they did not. The infants looked at the face the longest time when it was their mother’s face and when it was accompanied by her voice. When their mother’s face was matched with a different voice or her voice was matched with a different face, most infants found this distressing and looked away from the face."

Any studies more recent than 1964 and 1969?

My DH was best man at his brother's wedding in Jordan a week before my due date. He stayed for a week. His brother was aware of my due date before he even booked the date of his wedding.

I think he is a self-centred prick but then again you can't please everyone when you're organising your own wedding.

Who was I to tell my husband 'no, you can't go to your own brother's wedding because I might give birth'? I just had to trust that it would all work out ok, and it did.

I held my breath because I think pregnancy does make you a little self-centred and hormonal.

Sorry for previous post I realise now these issues have already been discussed.

Pooka - yes. Unpalatable.

Juno, not sure why it's your return to work that you think people have picked up on in relation to you seeming 'detached' on this thread.

Bumbley - do you have any idea how offensive and distressing your continual focus on the mother being so damn important is to people who don't have mothers?

Not all children are born with mothers to care for them. Continuing to mention that this is awful, stressful, damaging etc is really off. Stop it.