Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

bumbley

Dude. Seriously. Give it up.

Really Dance? You just leave them to it? Fair enough. Each to their own and all that. I guess child welfare is just a bit further up my list of priorities.

Is it any wonder so many tragic things happen to children when so many people are willing to turn a blind eye at the risk of seeming judgemental/preaching/nasty.

Jesus Christ bumbles you don't have a great grasp of the concept of creating a coherent argument do you?

But you seize on that hypocritical word, saves you trying to think of something of your own to throw back which may actually be a valid point.

There is only one person acting like a spoilt brat on here and I'm afraid it's you, you are throwing a complete tantrum. I can only hope and pray you've been in at the cooking sherry. If not, you seriously need to think about how you communicate your viewpoint if you want others to listen and take it seriously.

And i will ask again: Do you think this child is at risk, if not, butt out. End of.

Really RJ? You seem a lot more heated about this than I am. No tantrums at my end. I know I am judging someone and I don't have a problem with being called judgemental for it. Perhaps you should make your peace with being judgemental too? You are doing the same as I am. (except you were judging me on something you just made up in your head but hey ho!)

Oh god can everyone stop focusing on the bloody make up bag!

I explained the fact that I couldn't pack the night before, as half the contents would be things I would need in the morning. One of those was make up.

Yes, originally I was being a bit precious about having to get myself ready, travel alone and arrive alone at a wedding where I would then have to carry about a large-ish bag until such time as I could check in to the room. Which would be after the ceremony.

I already won't be feeling my best, as I will be in terrible shape given the fact I'll have given birth 6 weeks prior. So not exactly in prime shape. This will bother me, not because I am a spoilt princess, but because I am a bit insecure my about post-pregnancy body.

The rest of the comments from bumble et al are just laughable. I feel really sorry for you that you are so self assured that you think your way is the right way and everyone that differs from your parenting style is wrong. It must be hard to have an intelligent conversation with someone so closed minded.

Anyway, I'm glad I was able to come on and have this cleared up - I was BU, but about something that DH was never going to do. Because I came to MN before talking to him, I didn't realise I was jumping the gun. He was putting me first, which was all I was upset about.

I will have my lovely weekend in a really fancy hotel. I will get a relaxing afternoon and evening by myself, still get to sleep next to DH and have him around in the morning, I'll get to ready myself for the wedding without any stress or travel, and I won't have to worry about finding someone to carry my make up bag.

Really RJ? You seem a lot more heated about this than I am. No tantrums at my end.

You do know we can all read, right?

Go Juno77 go ! And have a bloody fantastic marvellous time!

OP sounds a little Violet Elizabeth Bott, tbh, not wanting to compromise her "me" time for the inconvenience of a newborn -

"was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc."

"I was looking forward to a nice relaxing night in the hotel the night before."

"Now I have to travel there alone "... and carry a make up bag... If you can manage to haul your arse into the office 9 hours a day at 8 weeks, an hours' drive at 6 weeks should not be causing this dent in the armour.

If we're talking about personal attacks and reporting them, how about the poster who called bumbley a nincompoop? Just to be fair when it comes to outrage about personal attacks....

"I feel really sorry for you that you are so self assured that you think your way is the right way and everyone that differs from your parenting style is wrong. It must be hard to have an intelligent conversation with someone so closed minded. "

More judgement. I don't think my way is the right way all the time and that everyone else is wrong. I do, however, think it is wrong to not consider the possibility that you may have a baby who does not want to be away from you and that you may have to put him/her first. Most people would agree with me on that even if they don't agree with the way I have expressed it on occasions.

I realise it's no longer an issue anyway but why on earth would you have been carrying your overnight bag around with you at a wedding? Would you not just have left it in the car

Thanks Pooka. I'm fair game apparently :)

Can someone find the post where I said I wasn't being judgemental for me?

And I am being a WHOLE lot more judgemental now believe me.

There are people who can help you with issues like these you know. As for me, I'm just chilling, enjoying my Sunday night, watching you wind yourself in all type of shapes. It's a nice break inbetween a couple of threads where people are actually having a hard time.

ah. Missed the update. Thank goodness nobody's having to sacrifice a spa day for the newborn.
I'd love to think she has a secretary who carries her briefcase to & from the car when she's at work. V Sigourney Weaver.

More judgement. I don't think my way is the right way all the time and that everyone else is wrong. I do, however, think it is wrong to not consider the possibility that you may have a baby who does not want to be away from you and that you may have to put him/her first. Most people would agree with me on that even if they don't agree with the way I have expressed it on occasions.

She already said ages ago she would cancel if needs be. Goodness me, talk about whipping up a frenzy for no reason other than to feel oh so good about yourself.

So am I RJ - eating chocolate and sipping tea. :) This is actually relaxing compared to the week I've had and the week that I have ahead! Sorry if you'd prefer me to be more worked up about your opinion of me but I'm really not.

BTW, I didn't say that you said you weren't being judgemental. I said you were criticising me for being judgemental while being judgemental (of me) yourself. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and all that...

Funky, she said that in response to the suggestion that the baby may born with 'health needs' (hopefully this will not be the case of course) not in response to the suggestion that the baby may actually just need/want her.

I do, however, think it is wrong to not consider the possibility that you may have a baby who does not want to be away from you and that you may have to put him/her first.

The baby doesn't know what it wants. It's a baby. It wants love, care, attention, cuddles, fed, warmth.. It will get that. It will get that from whomever looks after it, be that me, DH, parents, friends, paid caregivers.. The baby's needs will be met and if you think babies who are cared for by anyone other than the mother aren't having their needs out first, you are naive, nasty and just plain stupid.

However - you make a valid point about leaving the overnight bag in the car. I could have done that

I was using nincompoop as a term of endearment. If I was attacking I would have called her a fuckwit.

Rhonda.

What if you want to breastfeed? Six weeks is too young to be leaving your baby with a bottle for the day. It'll wreak havoc on your supply. Even if you're planning on bottlefeeding, couldn't you use breastfeeding as an excuse? His mate doesn't have to know it's a big fat excuse.

I also think six weeks is a bit early to be travelling 50 miles away to a wedding. What if your dc is born too weeks late? Give yourself a break and enjoy some time in your home without dp getting on your tits (they are especially annoying in the postpartum period, aren't they?

Be kind to yourself and tell him you're not going.

Sorry - two, not 'too'.

easter thank goodness indeed.

I like your suggestion about hiring someone to carry my belongings from car to office. I must look into that.

Incidentally, I think where parents share care then that's great. And I wouldn't actually judge a mother going to a wedding sans baby just as I wouldn't judge a father in a shared care situation doing the same.

I would have left ds1 and ds2 with dh if necessary at the same age. Because as their father he would have been as involved and recognised as me by the baby at that age. Dd - not so much. She had horrible colic and was much more attached to me.

But in any case the only reason I wouldn't judge the father going off on the stag is that the baby would still be with a parent. Which is a different kettle of fish IMO to a baby being left with (loving) grandparents who when push comes to shove are not the "principal caregivers". There's an assumption that a baby doesn't care who looks after them or isn't attached to parents at 6 weeks. I think that that is generally not accepted to be the case.

Boring Sunday night for some it seems.

Get over it, some people are comfortable leaving their babies for the weekend. It really doesn't matter as long as the baby is being cared for.

She is leaving him/her with grandparents. I would probably do the same if was ever given the chance.

Yes Juno, I'm sure it will be getting lots of cuddles and attention etc. As I said earlier though - for some babies that isn't enough because it's you they want - not someone else. I just think that is worth considering.

Glad to hear the overnight bag would not have been an issue. :)