Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

mintyy - if you think you are saying the same thing as me you need to read over what you have written.

i have managed to give my opinion without calling anyone charmless or telling them not to be pathetic.

The op said if the baby had any health needs etc she wouldn't go. For goodness sake she didn't ask about your parenting views and practices.

It's their families choice! Your way is your choice. Neither way is right or better than the other.

DoJo - 'health issues' were accepted as a reason not to go. The baby being 'high need' wasn't. For its own sake, I sincerely hope it is not.

Oh do sod off with your high needs thing. I'd imagine the parents of a high needs baby are the ones who would need and 'deserve' the break the most.

Oh ok if you want to be like that,

I'm not being hypocritical because I didn't object to you saying I was judgemental. You are because you are openly deciding things about the op with no fact base but when I chose to do the same about you, you started bleating.

I was being an arse, but I was mst certainly not being a hypocrite.

Now

are you ok, bumbled?

I am sure if it IS 'high need' her parents will be able to cope

Bumbleymummy I suspect you have no idea how unpleasant you appear - your vitriol over this is irrational and I have reported one of your posts for its personal attack on the OP.

You are entitled to your opinion but you are beginning to look ridiculous. I actually read the beginning of this thread and also questioned theOPs decision to leave her young baby but actually ,y overriding feeling on the thread now is disgust at your behaviour.

OP I hope you have a great time and ignore a lot of the bullshit on this thread.

"What's wrong with him wanting a sleepover Peekingduck? It's his wedding. If that's what he wants then why shouldn't he be able to arrange it?"
Obviously we're not dealing with an adult, maybe a Groomzilla?

bumbley you're working on the assumption that the baby will be more attached to the OP than anyone else, and therefore be distressed at her sudden absence. It's sounds like the OP is planning on not letting her baby become attached to her, or her to it. Probably the baby won't even notice she isn't there

Genuine question folk - surely a high needs baby would benefit MORE from a break from a stressed parent who has been dealing with it for 6 weeks than a normal placid good sleeper?

And surely the parent will also benefit more and go back recharged and better able to cope with it's needs?

I am a bit surprised like bumbley but then would be EBF at this stage so wouldn't be possible for me or something I would find desirable anyway. Obviously I have a dull life and will need each of my children surgically removed at the age of 18 ho hum.

Newborn aside, I'd let him go - can see how groom wants best man there for a few quiet pints the night before.

Hmmm, you do come across as a bit self centred op to be honest.

You sound like a very confident and together sort of woman. I think it's great that you are happy to leave your kids with grandparents and have a lovely weekend away. And you are obviously ok with your decision re: going back to work.

So why are you being so 'all about meeeeeeeee' about the arrangements for the wedding? Of course the best man didn't give you much thought, it's not your wedding! And if you are going to be organised and together enough 8 weeks post partum to go back to work full time and all that entails, then surely you can either get your shit together to drive for an hour and a bit on your own to the wedding? Or spend a night in a hotel without your dh?

And I am another one who thought it was quite normal for the best man to spend the night with the groom the night before. My dh did when he was best man (and I had to get myself to the wedding 2 hours away all by myself the next day) and loads of people I know have done the same.

Oh dear RJ, you are a bit confused. You can call me judgemental all you like I just think it's hypocritical to do so while judging me yourself e.g. on my 'style of parenting' (whatever that may be!)

Of course they will Dance - they will be able to head off on spa weekends while someone else looks after it. Babies can be such high maintenance :)

But, if that's THEIR lifestyle then it's none of your bloody business bumbleymummy. You seem to not understand "each unto his own".

Bumbley and a couple of others - you sounds as if you have no life other than obsessively revolves around babies and children, and telling other people they should be the same to make up for it.

mrmakersgloopyglue makes a good point. It is a little difficult to square the confident parent who is happy with her childcare options, going to be back at work after 8 weeks, who already has children so isn't lacking in knowledge about the realities post-partum... with the person who is feeling hard done by at having to drive for an hour and carry their own make-up bag.

Interestingly there is another thread on aibu at the moment about a couple planning to leave their 8 week old (for much longer - a holiday) and everyone posting seems to think this is too long, too soon.

just stumbled across this thread - I am intrigued. Having been married since the mid 1980s when did they invent the idea that the groom spends the night with the best man and the bridesmaids with the bride. I have been bridesmaid and bride and my dh has been groom and best man and it just did not happen - bridesmaid joined me on the morning of the wedding after we had had our hair done and best man met dh at the church. Must be an idea of the hotel industry to drum up more trade!!

"Bumbley and a couple of others - you sounds as if you have no life other than obsessively revolves around babies and children, and telling other people they should be the same to make up for it."

Nope, but that's the conclusion you have jumped to because of concerns over leaving a 6 week old.

Oh ok Dance. So parents who get off their heads on alcohol and drugs while the kids are in bed - their lifestyle/each onto their own?

I agree Mellow.

So parents who get off their heads on alcohol and drugs while the kids are in bed - their lifestyle/each onto their own?

And you think YOU can make a difference to them, how, exactly bumbleymummy. By being judgmental, by preaching, by being nasty?

Are you going to start knocking on your neighbours' doors demanding that they chance their lifestyles to yours?

I think it is time you got real !!