Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

I know the op could take her children including the 6 week old but if I was the bride I'd secretly be glad she's not. I would imagine a 6 week old getting more attention than the bride.

You know nothing about me or my DCs!

The baby was at the bottom of the list because the baby was sorted you nincompoop.

Re your response to my post, perhaps you should re reas and see how ridiculous you are being. You don't like me drawing concludes about you do you? But it's ok for you to do it about Juno?

I call hypocrite.

what the hell does 'primary care giver' mean????

I have two DC's - they don't have a primary care giver - they have two parents who love them and look after them equally and a family to help out when needed......

'She is in an unusual position and has a non-mainstream pov regarding newborns - not wrong, of course, but her way of looking at it all is somewhat outside the norm - and yet she feels aggrieved at people wanting to talk about the elephant in the room (her 6 week old baby) whilst fussing about hotel rooms, number of spa nights away and her dh.'

^^ This. I also find the determination and rigidity of the 'I will be going and I want to relax' attitude a little strange.

Yes, ceres, but it is unrealistic to expect randoms on the internet to not mention the baby. Op could have left 6 week old baby out of the op altogether - it is entirely irrelevant.

Have I said I did Clover? No, I have not. Unlike some people on this thread who think they know everything about mine

I call you a hypocrite right back RJ. You made judgements and jumped to conclusions about my 'parenting style' without anything to go on other than my questioning whether you could plan to leave a 6 week old without knowing what they were like. At least my judgements are based on the information in front of me.

you honestly think that being 6 weeks postpartum is irrelevant?

if you read the thread again you will see that the op has said she is hormonal now. because she is pregnant. hardly irrelevant.

K999 - it's being used as a pc alternative to mother/father due to the possibility of birth parents not actually being around.

To get back to the point, given the op's feelings and that they were planning on two nights anyway, I think she should go for the extra night and enjoy the time relaxing in the spa etc.
Having said that I would take the baby and leave the older dc but each to her own.

Ceres
But her entire argument is that the baby is irrelevant.

Oh Juno, don't you know that for the majority of Mumsnet weddings are about famileeees and as such everyone will want to take their children and their babeeees?

Yes, I'd be pissed off and tell my DH to grow up and stick to the original plan. This shouldn't be an issue because as soon as his mate mentioned the room booked for the first night he should have replied that he'd already arranged to be there with you for two nights. What are they planning, a big boys sleepover?

So, I am guessing she is not planning to BF!

no it is not.

her argument is that she has already made arrangements, that both she and her dh are comfortable with, so whether or not to leave the baby is irrelevant.

that is a very different thing to saying the baby is irrelevant.

and it is a very hurtful thing to suggest that the op has said or implied.

Bumbled you are getting overly emotional and overly wound up and far far too involved in this thread.

I'm not being hypocritical at all. Perhaps you should go look up the meaning and then sit down and re read.

In fact I think you would be better stepping away altogether. You aren't coming across well and you seem to be getting upset and frantic. Take a break, it's got nothing to do with you, go have a bath and forget it.

The baby is safe, op is happy, you are only winding yourself up.

Alternatively, I have pms and I'm happy to argue the toss all night,but it won't do you any good.

What's wrong with him wanting a sleepover Peekingduck? It's his wedding. If that's what he wants then why shouldn't he be able to arrange it?

Oh fgs ceres, I am saying the same thing as you. Don't be pathetic.

I would be horrified if my dh went away for 3 nights to a stag do when we had a 4wk old - only putting that in as so many people have pointed out that the father isn't coming in for any stick. But whilst it wouldn't work for our family it doesn't mean I judge another family who are happy with it. I would be incapable of doing my job two weeks postpartum and I wouldn't want to leave a 6wo either. I hate the sound of the French system - I would hate to have an epidural/other drugs (I didn't need them as had a really easy labour), loved breastfeeding and am so grateful not to have to work ft 12 weeks after the baby. I think that sounds hideous. None of that makes me a martyr because all of those things are my choice and make me happy - so don't involve any sacrifice on my part. I would be very upset if anyone tried to force any of those choices on me or judged me for them so I wouldn't judge the other way either. Sounds like the op and her family are happy so why not go ahead with their plans?

Someone could berate me for being overly attached and claim it's made my child too clingy. They could say I was selfish or lazy for taking a long maternity leave. They could accuse me of hogging the baby by refusing to introduce a bottle at any stage. I would be very upset if they did. So likewise, I would not criticise someone else for making the opposite choices and make assumptions about the impact on their child. The op obviously has a very supportive family, I'm sure that can only benefit her children!

At least my judgements are based on the information in front of me.

How do you know it won't be colicky or high need? Do you still think she should leave if it is?

But you seem to be posting on the assumption that the OP has categorically said that she will be going to this wedding even if her baby does have needs that she hasn't accounted for in her planning. Or have I missed where she said that she would leave her baby no matter what its needs?

mintyy where's the mumsnet rule that says one has to be charming to post on AIBU?

juno I'm glad it is sorted and all the best for the birth and your new baby. I have you have a lovely time at the wedding when it happens.

I sooooo agree with RhondaJean - take a break bumbleymummy............please!

What grown man wants a 'sleepover'.......jeez next he will be ordered to buy a onesie and bring his teddy bear.......

Hope you have

Not at all RJ.

You are being hypocritical because you are calling me judgmental while being judgemental (about me) yourself. Your judgements are not even based on anything.

Bumpotato
Clearly there is no such rule - AIBU would not exist if there was