Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

Shut up!! This is ridiculous!

OP, good on you for living your life. i bet your kids are well rounded and aware of the love surrounding them from all sides.

Bumbley, good on you for choosing to let your kids know that you will surround them with love.

What's the freaking difference??? Kids are all looked after, loved and safe?

Just honest Janine. I think certain things other people have said sound horrible too. We're all entitled to our own opinions/judgements. This is AIBU after all.

Strangely enough I'm also living my life and my kids are surrounded by love from all sides. Considering the needs of a 6 week old does not mean I think I am the only one capable of looking after my children or that they are glued to me 24-7. There is a happy medium.

'Some mums just know what is best for them and the baby doesn't come into it!'

Guess the dads are just superfluous.

what horrible, nasty posts bumbley, jimmychoo etc.

downright upsetting to be on the receiving end i should imagine, even without pregnancy hormones added into the mix.

op - glad you've got it sorted. enjoy your new baby AND the wedding when the time comes.

Blimey Charlie! I left DS with my aunt when he was 12 weeks old to go to a no-kids wedding. I expressed like a bastard beforehand, froze my milk, all that jazz. The wedding was 2 hours away and apart from having to express in the loos while I was there to avoid boob explosion, it was fab! DS had my aunt, uncle, cousins all doting over him. Each to his own, I find to be a good maxim, and, unless the baby is at risk, then really there's nothing to fret about.

You might see it as 'honesty' bumbley, youre coming across as incredibly nasty and judgmental.

bumbley you sound outright nasty. It is irrelevant whether someone can leave their 6 week old baby for 2 nights or not.

A young baby's needs are being met if they are fed, changed etc. A mother is not the only one who can do that.

I think the OP has behaved with amazing dignity on here given the awful response she has had from some.

FWIW I cannot bear to hear the martyr type comments - Oh I could never leave my baby etc etc as if they are so superior to anyone who could. If someone is comfortable leaving their babies then fine, if they are not then also fine but there really is no need to bitch about either way, I would never tell someone they are wrong either way or say that I am so much better as I am ok leaving my children - just ridiculous IMO!

How many parents who have posted on this thread would leave their 6 week old for 72 hours in order to go to a wedding, and go back to a full time job when the baby is 8 weeks old?

Me......

"How many parents who have posted on this thread would leave their 6 week old for 72 hours in order to go to a wedding, and go back to a full time job when the baby is 8 weeks old?"

how is that relevant?

I am not sure that is relevant, some people may have to do that, some people may want to and some people may not! My old boss went back to work after 2 weeks but her DH was a SAHD as he earned a quarter of her salary, it worked for them, my SIL also went back to work after 6 weeks and MIL looked after the baby. She was perfectly capable of caring for her properly.

I did not go back to work for several years but left the DCs overnight with my parents from a young age.

Apparently not when people say 'mums know their babies best' expat. I don't hear 'fathers know their babies best' too often. Do you?

saint, no more than any other posters on AIBU who disagree with someone else's decision. Everyone on AIBU is judgemental - you're judging me right now.

"A young baby's needs are being met if they are fed, changed"

You really think that's all a baby needs? To stay alive maybe...

It wasn't a wedding but another social celebration so not strictly speaking essential, it was also at 9 weeks not 6 but like the op was arranged before my dd was born. At 6 weeks I was in hospital having an operation that had been delayed due to pregnancy and I was working but from home as self employed so child care not needed for that very often.

Well yes, they need to stay alive and I am fairly certain that a grandparent would be showering them with love and cuddles! What an earth do you think the grandparents are not going to do that the OP would?

I have two lovely DSs and they are fine so I do know what a baby needs thank you.

You really are a piece of work!

bumbley - you can disagree with someone without being nasty.

and it is clear that op intends to leave her child with loving grandparents, not hand the baby over to random strangers with a list of instructions.

Also just pointing out again that having to go back to work (which does not usually involve leaving a baby for 72 hours) is very different to a non-essential spa/wedding weekend that the baby could actually have been brought to except the OP doesn't want to. They aren't the same thing at all.

Also want to reiterate that it was the way in which the OP presented this that got my (and others') back up . The newborn baby being at the bottom of a long list of things like makeup bags etc.

ceres, it is just my rather inept way of trying to help the op (and others) to feel less wounded by any negative replies she might have had.

She is in an unusual position and has a non-mainstream pov regarding newborns - not wrong, of course, but her way of looking at it all is somewhat outside the norm - and yet she feels aggrieved at people wanting to talk about the elephant in the room (her 6 week old baby) whilst fussing about hotel rooms, number of spa nights away and her dh.

I just think its daft to ask an unusual question and not expect to get some slightly left of centre replies.

'How many parents who have posted on this thread would leave their 6 week old for 72 hours in order to go to a wedding, and go back to a full time job when the baby is 8 weeks old?'

Me.

I did, in fact.

You really think everyone has the money to take a year off?

I agree Mintyy but some of the comments have been pretty awful and maybe questions could have been asked in a different way. What I was a bit surprised about is that the OP has clearly decided she was happy with going away for the 2 nights and some posters actually had the front to be particularly nasty about her choices.

Clover, a grandparent is not the same as a primary care giver. (unless they are the primary care giver of course!) Maybe you have never had a high needs baby - but others here have and as much as someone else can be loving/holding/cuddling your baby, they aren't you and the baby just wants you. I haven't said this will definitely be the case. I just think it deserves a bit of consideration and isn't dismissed while concerns about carrying luggage are considered paramount.

fgs - the baby isn't 'the elephant in the room' nor is the baby 'bottom of the list'.

op wasn't asking whether she should leave her 6 week old baby. she had already made that decision, together with her dh, and presumably also she has also discussed her plans with her parents who will be caring for the baby while she is at the wedding.

"You really think everyone has the money to take a year off?

Not the same thing (again)

YANBU. The groom and DH have been extremely thoughtless and I'd be very pissed off if I were you.

It's absolutely nobody else's business what the OP is doing on that score. She's not asked for views or opinions on the topic.