To be quite angry with my friend?

[Imogencodpiece]

I feel that I might be being unreasonable but I just seem to be getting angrier the more I think about it.

I shall point out now said friend is 19 and recently single. We are all 27-30 sort of age range. I know said friend through a youth organisation of which I am the leader and she is a helper.

Usually said friend is more mature than most 19 year olds, didn't really drink and spent most of her time working, saving to travel to different places and studying for her university course. This is why I feel that we get on so well.
However since she has been single she has started to drink a lot and sleep around - basically a complete change in her personality.

A couple of weeks ago me, my friend and my DP all went out for a mutual friends birthday. Said friend is not usually out with us (as previously usually had plans with exbf) but was invited this time.
As usual the evening was full of silly jokes and making innuendos out of non-sexual things people said. All very normal for us :) so far so good.

Anyway, my DP is a lover of real ales and has been trying to find one I also like since we got together, so we are all round this table and friend asks if she could also try the beer as she has never tried ale.
DP says go ahead. Friend then (completely not realizing what she was doing I think) proceeded to hold her hair out of the way and drink from the glass still on the table.
I laughed and said, 'errr pick the glass up nutter' just making light of the silly way she chose to drink ( she was pretty drunk at the time). DP then said 'yeah pick the glass up, iv never seen anyone drink that way, iv seen people give ORAL SEX that way but not drink beer' Q good natured laughing from everyone within earshot, including me.

Then, this is what I am angry about, she immediately did exactly the same thing again. This time pointedly looking my DP in the eyes as she did it. DP tried to laugh it off but when we were on our own he asked me if I had noticed and said it made him feel uncomfortable.

The more I think about it the more pissed off I am.

Do you think I should say something? AIBU to be pissed at her?

I want to just leave it and put it down to her being young, naive and drunk and if it happens again, then have a word and tell her she is making a fool out of herself. WWYD?

"I have helped and guided her through the years she has been with us and I actually feel somewhat responsible for her and to be honest I don't like this 'new' her that seems to think that getting very drunk and having unprotected sex with multiple men is the way that single teenagers act."

Except, rightly or wrongly, this is how A LOT of teenagers act. And if you feel so "responsible" for this young girl who you deem to be spinning out of control somewhat, at what point did you think taking her out drinking with your inappropriate friends would be of any benefit to her? And what's wrong with this 'new' her? So what if she's going out and enjoying herself. She's 19, fgs. If she can't go out for some cocktails and enjoy exploring her sexuality now, when can she? She needs a good shake with the safe sex thing but other than that, I see no problem with her behavior. It sounds to me like she's young, free and newly single and trying to find a way to enjoy it. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you almost sound a tad jealous, OP.

"I am angry with her because I know that she knows better and is acting like a complete pillock."

You sound like the pillock. As does your DP. He needs a slap. As if you're letting him off the hook making suggestive comments like that to this 19 YEAR OLD friend you're just so protective of and worried about! Jesus.

"basically over sharing to anyone who would listen to her and embarrassing herself."

Break ups are shit. She'll feel like crap. She's latching onto people she sees as friends and looking for someone to listen to her. She's probably feeling a bit lonely and insecure, and also out of her depth being surrounded by 'adults' who probably seem grown up and intimidating to her. She's gotten plastered to put herself at ease with the company she was keeping and said some silly things. Who doesn't over share when drunk?! My best friend's partner got plastered last new years and told me all about his depression and how he's going to anger management classes. THAT was uncomfortable.

YAB SOOOOOOO U.

So it's fine for the "group" to have sexual banter. But not fine for this girl to discuss sexual matters.

Fine for someone to make a sexual remark to her, in an attempt to make her feel stupid. But not fine for her to respond in kind.

Fine for her to hang around with your group. But not fine for her to step over the invisible lines you think she should keep to.

It sounds like she'd be better looking around for some different friends to spend time with. It sounds like she's expected to be the butt of suggestive jokes, but not make any suggestive remarks herself.

vinotime you've put what i wanted to say so much
More eloquently!

she's younger than you and she'd be happy to provide oral sex for your partner. you were a fool to set that up.

Op if you do come back highly unlikely is this youth organisation a religious type girl guides or something?

Where a teen girls sexual behaviour may be judged if its promiscuous?

You may feel you'd out yourself I Cba researching even if you did tell us which organisation it was but it may explain your 'concern' for your young friend's morals.

Good for her for not just sinking into the ground! I would've been mortified if the partner of someone I thought was a friend made a sexual comment designed to embarrass me, in front of a whole group of people!

I won't repeat what everyone else has said (you don't seem to be listening anyway). YABVVU. I hope this woman decides she is thoroughly sick of of your holier than thou condescension and your sleazy partner and finds some new friends.

there is a well known and very wise saying which is often shouted when drunk people do stupid thing

"LEAVE IT, LEAVE IT GARY IT'S NOT WORF IT"

Out of interest, what was the real ale?

It wasn't that one that I saw in Cornwall last year called 'Nob Gobbler', was it?

honestpointofview

I fully agree with you.

You know the people who I most admire on here are those who post an AIBU, are told that they are by the majority and then reconsider their point of view. It shows a healthy open mind, unlike some others.

Your partner's a creep.
She's probably better looking than you.
You're a bit jealous.

What's the organisation? Are you guides or something?

Real ale, double entendres and guiding. Sounds like a super laugh.

Surely you have a code of conduct (Coc) about taking your charges out like this? It just sounds completely inappropriare and unprofessional

I was would furious if my partner spoke to a 19 yr old like that too

Come on marmalade, as a Christian organisation surely it was a bishops finger?

I don't know why, but for some reason I am imagining that a jolly with OP and her DP looks a lot like this

Silver

I also agree with. We all get things wrong from time to time, the better person can listen to others and realise that they might be wrong.

I just wish those who just want to rant should go to chat, rather than taking up people's time when they are honestly trying to help, but not being listen to. |

I can't be alone in wondering whether it actually was the OPs DP who was upset/uncomfortable with the flirting. Or maybe he laughed and lapped up the attention, and its just OP that was pissed off miffed at the attention he was giving a younger woman.

I dare say OP won't be back now she's convinced herself that she is right and we are all just being nasty and ganging up on her. The truth hurts

Also agree with the PP who was on about people in general being unable to accept when they are in the wrong and face up to their actions etc.

I used to have friends like you OP whod pick silly arguments over things like this when nothing I did was really wrong, the woman was joking around just as the rest of you group was and YAB very U for getting angry with her she probably doesn't even remember the insignificant event as it sounds like just some fun. Whether the woman wa s19 or 30 like the rest of you it was a silly thing and attempt to be funny.

You all sound like you need to grow up!

Phantom

I have just read another classic example of people being unable to accept when they are wrong.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-25839958

The link is to the BBC story about HS2. 7 judges of the Supreme court (and they only use 7 when it is the most important matters rather than the normal 5), have dismissed the challenge to HS2. It does not matter whether HS2 is, or is not a good use of money, this was a legal challenge on whether the Government had complied with legal requirements.

The campaign director says they believe it is the wrong decision. The Supreme Court is our highest court. The decision was made by the 7 of the most Senior Judges in the land including the President and Deputy President. It was a unanimous decision. Yet they all must be wrong and the campaign director right.

I give up.

You're controlling and jealous.
He's creepy and a cock.
She's young.

Oh and

So you've known her since she was still a kid.

And now she's a young woman.

I'm going to guess she's turning out rather attractive and you've got a touch of the green-eyed monster.

I sincerely hope this girl find a new crowd to hang out with.