to feel sad about this?

[dazzledbythesky]

Since I'm anonymous I will admit I am really, really lonely - painfully so. Most weekends are spent alone; although I do have friends they don't really socialise much now which is fair enough. So social occasions centre around a big event like a wedding or a particular date say for somebody's birthday but there isn't much shopping/coffee/lunch. I probably see someone one weekend per month. I spend most evenings in on my own, sad but true.

I don't moan about it - honestly, I don't. But I suppose people have noticed I don't do much and have started teasing me. I know being over sensitive is the best way to lose friends so I force myself to laugh along but actually I want to cry whenever they do it! 'Jokes' about 'what did you do this weekend?' and someone will say 'she went out with her cats.' (I have 2 cats by the way, it isn't like I have a house full of them ) People keep saying I need to meet somebody and won't have children and why don't I join match dot come?

It just makes me feel really self conscious about my life and I feel so isolated and cut off. It just isn't 'me', I am happy and smiley and always had friends, it's just that they aren't available freely now which is fair enough.

Aibu to feel upset about it, I don't know if I am being over sensitive or not?

YANBU to feel sad but that won't help you. You don't say why people aren't going out, you don't say why you don't go out. There are times when life doesn't come to you, you have to go out and find it. What do you want from your life?

Why dont you go out? Why don't you join a dating agency? Or take up an evening class?

Wahhh!

I don't go out because there's no one to go with. It just seems to have happened over time as people have settled in long term relationships and so with company at home as a default don't need to seek it outside of the home. Plus when babies and children are involved the logistics (understandably) become impossible.

I haven't joined a dating agency because I really, really don't want to and I don't have time for an evening class. I work full time and am doing a Masters part time anyway. I get in at gone 6 most nights and am up early so bed before 10.

Join something which you can do at the weekend? Rambling club, some sport, voluntary work. There must be a million things you can do at the weekend involving other people. You are the only barrier to this. Even in the evenings you have a few hours spare where you could go out? Join a gym maybe and go to exercise classes.

Have you asked them? Or just invited them over for a drink/cup of tea/ takeaway? Maybe they assume because you are single you have more exciting things to do than hang out with boring mums!

I would love a night out with a single friend!

I do see them sometimes just not often. But it's okay.

It's more knowing that people look down on you and laugh at you and see your life as a joke that's the kick in the stomach, and i find that more upsetting than being lonely.

I definitely don't go on about it but I suppose when people ask you what you did at the weekend and 'not much' is always the answer they notice.

I could have written your post and I am married with children!!. (tho grown). I do feel for you. I spend most w/ends alone as DH works nights and so is asleep. Kids busy (how it should be) and am lucky if my DD wants to go shopping. I made myself DO SOMETHING, even if only going to look at wallpaper for a room we are going to decorate in april. Do any of your friends have a child you could borrow for a trip...Zoo, cinema? I did that before I had my own. Also Charity shops need staff. I could spend all day in my dressing gown but force myself to get dressed. I also would say quietly to friends who make comments, how much it hurts you. Real friends wouldn't want you to feel like this. I am sorry you feel like this....Big hugs.

you are the only barrier to this

Do you see what I mean? I'm upset because I'm being treated as a big pathetic joke and its my fault?

I know that's not quite how you meant it but I already feel like shit and comments like this are really not helpful.

For a start, the people who are making rude comments about your personal life are bullying and belittling you. Don't allow it and don't laugh along with them, they have no right to speak to you like that. It sounds like you have a pretty full life professionally (ft work and Masters) but you need some balance. I agree with focussing on the weekends as the time to try some new hobbies/interests out. Also winter is the time when isolation can feel worse, with short days age dark nights - that can have a n effect on mood too.

Ok. Your task this weekend is to go to the pub. Yes. By yourself. Sit at the bar and strike up a conversation with someone about anything at all. Best case scenario - you make a new friend. Worst case - uoi get a funny look and they walk away - which is no drama as you didn't know them anyway.

I did the above when I moved towns. Was daunting at first but it genuinely turned into a cracking night out.

YANBU to feel sad, they are being mean. Rather than teasing, why aren't any of these people offering to do things with you at the weekend?

I think actually you just need better, nicer friends who aren't going to take the piss out of you, however much they might say its a 'joke'. It's actually really unkind.

In your situation I'd think about whether there's anything that interests you that you could do at the weekend, which may also be a way of meeting new friends (maybe a sports club. If you are sporty that is, I'm not, that would be anathema to me!). Also consider looking on meetup to see what's going on in your area (it's a site where you can find local groups who do social things, can be a good way to make new friends. Or just a way to get out more in a group).

It's absolutely not your fault. The whole world is geared around couples and being out there socialising, drinking etc. ask yourself if you really do actually want to be involved or you think you should. It's not a pre-requisite. If you are naturally introvert or happy in your own company, that's fine!

I know what you mean Marylou.

I do DO things - living alone, nothing would get done if I didn't :) I get my hair done (today's jolly) and go shopping, I clean and organise and decorate the house and do the garden, I do, as I say, sometimes even see friends but it isn't regular enough to 'rely' on if you see what I mean, which is why I don't want to commit to voluntary work or similar. I don't really want to do things for the sake of doing them as I can always find something to do. I'm not saying 'hey I am BORED!'

It is as I say the uncomfortable feeling that I am treated as a big pathetic joke for being single and not having hundreds of single friends I can go clubbing and pull with. It really upsets me to know that's how I am 'seen' and probably that is unreasonable as I should be robust enough to shrug it off but I just don't feel very robust right now.

Who do you think looks down on you? I'm sure your friends don't. If it's people at work then just ignore them, or just say 'I had a great weekend thanks' and leave it at that.

Why don't you text a friend now and see if they want to do something this weekend?

Dazzled- I am not being mean but it is true that you are the only person who can change this. Yes your colleagues are being a bit mean spirited so how much satisfaction would it give you to go to work on Monday and when they ask what you did at the weekend you can say 'me? I went abseiling/went to Zumba/learned first aid' or whatever?

I say this as someone who does little in the evening although I have a DH and teenage DD living at home. I have arranged to to do a 'try dive' as I want to learn to scuba dive. I am excited and terrified in equal measure!

It's more colleagues really, my friends never would. My friends are honestly lovely and would probably tear colleagues to shreds, Rottweiler style I don't want to look as if it bothers me, but it DOES bother me!

I already do a fair bit of stuff alone because you do just have to, I really would not like going to the pub alone (not much of a drinker in any case) but I do go to the cinema alone if there's something on I want to see and shopping alone.

I'm not remotely sporty but there are some things I might like to try. However, something I really should have mentioned in the OP

It's all about perceptions.

You come across as being lonely. You say you 'do nothing' at weekends and have no friends. You are self deprecating when asked what you have done over the weekend and say 'not much'

You are actually in a envied position. You work FT and so I assume you are comfortable financially. You are in a position to suit yourself. You can choose whether to go away for the weekend or stay at home and relax. Others have suggested taking up a sport or club and I would agree if this is what you

want. The world is your oyster!

Meeting a partner and having kids is very well. I spend my time at home refereeing kids and doing stuff for my family. I envy single colleagues and friends who go to London on a whim, spend the day at a spa and gym etc...

You need to take control of your life. We are conditioned to think having a partner and kids is the ultimate achievement which is not always the case. If your life isn't as good as you think it could be only you can change it. And so when your colleagues ask what you did at the weekend, you can say you went to such and such place and did such and such whereas all they did was taxi kids around and housework!

I know what you mean. I was on my own for ten years and used to get comments. You feel like you have to spin things to give an impression of busy-ness (is that even a word? )

What used to upset me the most was the fact that it was acceptable (not to me) for people to discuss my life and what I should/shouldn't do to change it.

And ideas to get out more are great but not always welcome. I was quite happy with my life and being an introvert, I actually relished a lot of time alone. And quite often you don't want to be doing an activity with a group or being majorly sociable, you just want a friend to have a pint with or eat pizza and watch tv together.

I felt demeaned by 'well meaning' friends and actually quite peed off at times because I did so much by myself eg. buying a property, travelling abroad, job interviews...but to them I was inferior because I was on my own.

Since I have been with DP and had children I have definitely noticed a shift in acceptability. Which annoys me because I am the same person I was before.

I know you're not being mean littlewhitebag but you know, even with the things you mention they are nice things to DO. But I'm talking really about feeling disconnected from PEOPLE and they are different things totally. And I know logically the more you do the more people you will meet but that isn't the only consideration. The more you do, the more money you spend, for starters! And the thing I think a LOT of people don't understand is that for someone in my situation you go to these things, alone. You do them in a pocket of isolation as the majority of people who do them are in couples, friends or families. Then come back alone.

I live in a beautiful place with a huge rolling park with a river, bandstand - gorgeous. Last summer in the heat wave I sat in the park with my kindle. It was very nice and then I looked around and I was the ONLY person alone. The park was PACKED but not one other person was by themselves.

Obviously your colleagues lead such fantabulously exciting lives that they can afford to scoff at yours. I am not sure what you are looking for here. Just a bit of an offload? Advice? - you already know what the advice is/will be. Join a dating service, join a club/evening class, ask people to come out. If you are asking people for a cuppa come up with a date and time. No good saying Oh it would be really nice to get together, or We must go out for a cuppa soon, have a date in your head and they are more likely to commit.
COngrats on losing 2 stone, no mean feat. Can you join a gym to help with the rest? Not much good ime for meeting someone but it might help with the old confidence.

YANBU.

It's mean of people to make fun of you for not doing much at the weekend.

I am on here Tryharder as I'm trying to be honest, I'm not like this at all in real life. I laugh a lot, am happy, cheery, smiley.

Jimmy I know what you mean. It is the socially acceptable thing to do I suppose.

Even if not your actual friends, these people are being really unkind. Don't let them make you feel bad about yourself - or that you have to do things so you satisfy their perception of what's normal.

Next time, I'd just say 'oh I was really busy - weekends go too quickly don't they?' And leave it at that. It isn't any of their business to ask or know more than that.

Congrats on the weight loss btw - I have 2.5 stone to get to normal BMI, so in a similar position weightwise. It's understandable that has knocked your confidence, but you'll get back to a normal weight (as hopefully will I!)

And well done for going to the cinema alone, that's something that I've never been brave enough to do in my 41 years

I understand completely your situation op.. I find myself in a similar one! I would also describe myself as a. 'Sad fat loser'

It is not as easy as joining this & joining that!! I do belong to a couple of the free online dating sites (couldn't afford a fee paying one) & in general haven't come across any that interest me or the couple that have I haven't the confidence to meet because I feel they are out of my league.
As for evening classes again can't do as I'm a lone parent with limited child care & live in a rural area so nothing close by.

Have resigned myself to being forever alone & lonely ... Thank God for Mumsnet, Facebook & the television!!

Do your friends live locally? Couldn't you text one and ask what they are up to this weekend? It sounds like you could do with a nice chat with a RL friend.

I love it if childless friends ever want to hang out with me and the kids- they are always much better at playing with them than me!