to feel sad about this?

[dazzledbythesky]

Since I'm anonymous I will admit I am really, really lonely - painfully so. Most weekends are spent alone; although I do have friends they don't really socialise much now which is fair enough. So social occasions centre around a big event like a wedding or a particular date say for somebody's birthday but there isn't much shopping/coffee/lunch. I probably see someone one weekend per month. I spend most evenings in on my own, sad but true.

I don't moan about it - honestly, I don't. But I suppose people have noticed I don't do much and have started teasing me. I know being over sensitive is the best way to lose friends so I force myself to laugh along but actually I want to cry whenever they do it! 'Jokes' about 'what did you do this weekend?' and someone will say 'she went out with her cats.' (I have 2 cats by the way, it isn't like I have a house full of them ) People keep saying I need to meet somebody and won't have children and why don't I join match dot come?

It just makes me feel really self conscious about my life and I feel so isolated and cut off. It just isn't 'me', I am happy and smiley and always had friends, it's just that they aren't available freely now which is fair enough.

Aibu to feel upset about it, I don't know if I am being over sensitive or not?

I'm losing weight through another method so it would be pointless joining a slimming club, I don't want to do OD because I don't like it, it just isn't for me.

I don't feel too fat to go riding. I just don't want to until I'm at target, like a reward.

I haven't read a lot of this but I live as you do. The other Tuesday dd phoned and I couldn't speak, I had to clear my throat! and realised I hadn't spoken out loud since the saturday!!
I don't even work so don't have that even

I also don't mind, I am happy as I am, If I get asked I'll say really happily ooh I spent lots of time in the garden and sorted a lot of stuff and went shopping it was really nice.
I can't think of anything worse than going out and doing something I don't want to just to appease others

If you are happy try to ignore them. Say I had a lovely weekend thank you pleasing myself and being happy!!!!

Ignore all those idiots who diss you for being single...honestly; ignore.

Hi OP, I am in a very similar situation. The only difference is that I have a small child, so I am not really alone.

But other than certain activities that we do, we spend most weekends alone. I see friends probably once a month. One of them has just moved away, so will probably be less often now.

I work nearly full time but have decided to try to find time to do some volunteering or anything really, as I am worried about the future and spending more time alone.

OP, you sound nice and your colleagues sound rude. My life is very different to yours (I am slightly envious of your autonomy), but I like my own company and am now a bit of a "home bird". I am more of a "lonely in a crowd" type pf person and would much rather be by myself than with people I don't gel with (probably like your colleagues).

MrsDeVere's response is a good one, but also, I am fond of the shrug and the "I like my own company" response when people look askance that I don't have an itinery and a list of names as evidence of my fantastic fun-filled weekend. Fuck 'em. It sounds like you were perfectly happy until some gobshites at work started spouting crap about their perception of your life.

I completely get the loneliness thing. Someone on here (talking about small children, but I think it applies more widely) talked recently about how we all get and need a kind of energy from social interaction, and I think that is true.

So in a sense the problem is just not enough of your leisure time is spent with other people, not that you haven't got friends or can't keep them. Lots of stuff one could do-cinema, library, gym-might involve being in the vicinity of others, but doesn't help because one is not actually interacting with them.

I suppose if you wanted more interaction, you could volunteer, e.g. one weekend a month. I've done this in the past (odd weekend vocational training to do with my job, and local community initiatives) and found it satisfying.

What about seeing if some of your friends are interested in doing a pub quiz one evening as a regular thing? It's nice to have something once a week to look forward to and a pub quiz is a nice easy evening out.

I understand your position, OP - and that of others.

I have very few friends - and none nearby. I have no family. I have a workaholic dh and two growing (sniff...) dcs. I have been out of the workplace for so long I think I am utterly unemployable.

I think you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find friends at activities. I have tried various over the years and met some nice people - but no friends to go out with. But maybe that's me. Some people are great at finding friends - even on a bus - but others send off invisible repelling waves.

Don't suppose you live in Coventry ??? My sister is in the same situation she would love a friend to meet up with. She struggles with confidence issues .

I'm not in Coventry Bedsheets but it isn't actually that far - it's doable or we could meet in Brum? You're welcome to pass my details on to her? x

Dazzle are you on fb?? Seems easier to private message

Hello OP. Just read through your thread. Your opening post says "I am really, really lonely - painfully so. Most weekends are spent alone; although I do have friends they don't really socialise much now... I probably see someone one weekend per month. I spend most evenings in on my own, sad but true."

Although your AIBU is about colleagues the crux of the problem seems to be your sadness about your situation and the loneliness. Your confidence and self esteem sound very low and seem to be preventing you from taking steps to make any changes.

Despite what you say, I can't help but feel you're not actually ok with your situation and it sounds like you want to change things but are blocking yourself from taking steps because you talk yourself out of doing things which might help. Catch 22/vicious cycle.

You say you haven't been in a relationship and aren't looking for one/not open to dating sites but (and it's completely human), it sounds like you would like someone in your life. You seem afraid of trying to make that happen because you may fear what it entails to be in a relationship because you haven't been in one.

Sorry if you think I'm going off track but reading your posts, this is what's coming across to some of us, both explicitly and implicitly.

You also come across as smart and intelligent. Unfortunately this means you can talk yourself out of things and defend/rationalise your choices or lack of action.

I don't have the answers or a solution (yet!) but does any of this resonate or genuinely, is it off the mark?

As you also say in your opening post, this is anonymous so you're being honest. But are you being honest with yourself or making excuses because you're scared to take some of the steps people are suggesting because you doubt your ability to get into or sustain an intimate relationship?

AIBU can often be posed on one issue which is really the symptom of the true issue.

I'll get my coat if I'm totally off the mark!

So you won't go to the gym or try online dating and you refuse to do something (riding) that might cheer you up and help you lose weight? OK then - carry on feeling sorry for yourself and make some stuff up to tell your colleagues. Or stop caring what they think, they sound like twats anyway.

Holla, I think OP said she is a member of a gym.

I also think suggesting OP joins an online dating site might be like asking someone who can't swim or has a fear of water to just dive into the deep end of a pool.

I think she may need to build up to that but in the meantime needs to take some steps first to regain or develop her confidence and self image.

Dazzled, do you mind me asking, how old are you?