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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask the health visitor why she's here

335 replies

womblesofwestminster · 23/01/2014 18:11

Recently I got a letter from the health visiting team. It was informing me that an appointment had been made for a home visit for my DS because he has just turned 2.

DS is not a PFB. There's been no concerns with his development or health. No missed vaccinations or GP appointments. Nothing. So why the need for the visit?

I phoned and cancelled the appointment saying I had no concerns with my DS. They phoned back a few days later to say another appointment had been arranged. WTF? I thought this service was optional not mandatory?!

OP posts:
bella411 · 23/01/2014 20:04

So wombles your area with have a high level of hv involvement. Like mine as same here, live on the boarder of the areas of high deprivation and worked in the local schools etc. Please just have the check up, show off how great your child is, I find as someone you knows about child development I have a different conversation with them. Rather than pratting about and wasting the hv time in having to repeatingly call you when it could be used more resourceful with families who need it.

StarlightMcKingsThree · 23/01/2014 20:04

'Op you may know your child is ok but others are not, and need health professional intervention.'

That may be true but it is up to the parents to decide whether or not they'd like an opinion on this. Having been on the receiving end of health professional intervention, it absolutely wasn't worth the effort of getting it.

womblesofwestminster · 23/01/2014 20:05

StarlightMcKingsThree most of the people on this thread would tell you that you are selfish and to suck it up.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 23/01/2014 20:09

Starlight my dd 6 gas ASD, I as a parent did not want to acknowledge anything was wrong, it was like 'she's fine, late developer etc, it took professionals to realise there was a problem and to do something about it! Not all parents want to realise there might be something wrong with their child!

Heydiddledumdum · 23/01/2014 20:09

"Guilty until proven innocent. That's what offends me."

What an odd way to think.... Confused

Why are you even associating this visit with guilt??? Guilty of what?

It would have never occurred to me to think of these check-up visits in that way, in fact I was miffed that dc1 missed out on the 2 yr check. Admittedly most HVs I have encountered were a bit patronising and interpreted current health guidelines a bit too freely for my taste (not all though). But I feel as a mum I am part of this society and quite happy to play ball when there is no harm to me or my family.

You know what Op, you sound like you do feel guilty about something. What is it? Why are you resisting so much?

StarlightMcKingsThree · 23/01/2014 20:10

Yes I know.

I think unless you actually NEED the services they claim to deliver you won't realise how dangerous they can be.

It all looks very harmless from the outside but on the inside quality is extremely variable, inconsistent across PCTs and as far as I can tell the service has very little in the way of independent evaluation or Evidence Based Practice or proper accountability checks of information delivered to new parents.

Pollaidh · 23/01/2014 20:11

You are being a bit unreasonable. I was so grateful when my hv offered to come to my house to save me the trek. My HV has been helpful and extremely supportive, even though I kind of feel I'm wasting her time. Also she's so nice that when she saw me at the doc's this week and I hadn't seen her for a weigh in for about 2 months (with a young baby), she rearranged her schedule so I didn't have to make a second trip (am disabled), and spent about an hour with me.

Every time we go to a&e with the eldest we get the standard social situation check to see if we're high risk, and although it's stressful I absolutely don't mind that because there are children out there who might be saved by those few questions. The only thing that worries me is that when they realise we're married and educated they seem to tick a mental 'ok' box. Educated parents abuse too, and they're probably better at hiding it.

perplexedpirate · 23/01/2014 20:11

Suck it up, shut up and buckle under. It is the lot of the new parent, to be constantly under suspicion.
And they wonder why people struggle...

pigletmania · 23/01/2014 20:11

As a result of professional intervention, dd has been dx with ASD, sage is in a fantastic school fir Autism and is doing so well, without that I dread to think where she will be.

StarlightMcKingsThree · 23/01/2014 20:11

But which professionals piglet? HVs?

Did they bring it up at the 2 year check?

itispersonal · 23/01/2014 20:11

wombles surely as an ex nursery nurse and degree level training in child development, you should know exactly why these checks are done.

So why all the fuss?

womblesofwestminster · 23/01/2014 20:12

Why post on AIBU when all you want to hear is you are right

If you look at my OP you will see that I was asking "AIBU to ask the HV why she's here?"

The question was not "AIBU to refuse the visit".

Yet people seem to be answering the latter. Bizarre.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 23/01/2014 20:13

Op I think you know very well why the HV is there, as a professional you should be expected to know!

StarlightMcKingsThree · 23/01/2014 20:13

My family has crossed paths with 2 excellent HVs. I am grateful for their help.

But I sought them out for their expertise and skills. They weren't chasing me.

pigletmania · 23/01/2014 20:14

Yes they did actually

cherryhealey · 23/01/2014 20:14

In our area nursery nurses carry out 2 year reviews
HVs are far too busy and overwhelmed with child protection....this is a ordinary town not inner city
The HVs have a horrific job- under resourced and short staffed.
YABU- universal surveillance picks up lots of issues .

StarlightMcKingsThree · 23/01/2014 20:15

I ask all professionals now what they are expecting the outcome to be for my child as a result of their visit/intervention/meeting.

Most don't seem to have a clue - Which is when I part company.

mymatemax · 23/01/2014 20:17

But Starlight its not always about if you NEED their service, its sometimes about if a child NEEDS them & a reluctant parent does occasionally - and I'm not suggesting it to be the case with the op - have something to hide.
Persistence is sometimes what is needed to help a child in need.

Unless you allow access the HV cannot make an assessment, albeit brief.
Yes we are in a country where we have a choice BUT the OP really cannot criticize the HV for attempting to do their job

Nanny0gg · 23/01/2014 20:18

You know why she's there, so pointless asking.

See her, don't see her.

I'm sure if she does see you, you'll be able to put her straight over any observations she might make, so I doubt there'll be any problems.

womblesofwestminster · 23/01/2014 20:18

Why are you even associating this visit with guilt???

Read the prior remark by one poster who said "nursery nurses abuse kids too".

Hmm

You know what Op, you sound like you do feel guilty about something. What is it? Why are you resisting so much?

I don't like HVs, having worked with them and also with my prior experience. The ones in my area are particularly patronising and anti-bf.

OP posts:
SecretGP · 23/01/2014 20:19

Ok OP if you want people to answer 'AIBU to ask why the health visitor is here' then here's your answer.

Of course you are being unreasonable as they have told you why, for the 2 year check.

NewBeginings · 23/01/2014 20:19

You seem to be baffled that the system wasn't designed specifically with you in mind! Just because it's not what you feel you want or need does not mean it's not a good thing on a grander scale.

Thetallesttower · 23/01/2014 20:19

I opted out of HV involvement for my second child after birth, my first had several HV including one who said something very upsetting to me when I was already finding things difficult after a traumatic birth. Second time around, I weighed my own child, happy for her to be checked if they called round, but I didn't take her to baby clinics (I tracked her weight myself).

I did have the three year (then) for the first, the second they asked me to contact them if I was concerned/wanted a visit, I didn't, and they were lovely about it.

It seems to have moved from an optional supportive service to a compulsory one. I don't believe it will help with child abuse whatsoever, all of the cases mentioned above, the parents and children were already involved extensively with social services/police and so on (50 odd contacts for one case) and it still didn't make any difference. Health visitors may be more useful for developmental checks, although mine couldn't spot a tongue tie and gave me out of date information about flattened heads.

If you talk to anyone who works in social services child protection or child psychology/psychiatry they will tell you there are so many already extremely serious cases overwhelming them and it is difficult to cope. My friend who is a child psychologist had cases of child self-harm, parental neglect and she used to have to beg ss to take the cases. I would rather the money was poured into these services than HV because with the best will in the world, a small visit once every two years is pointless as a child abuse prevention measure, Baby P's mother used to hide the child's bruises with chocolate and tidy up.

I don't think HV should interpret lack of interest in their visits as unwillingness to engage, the team I had involvement with were really lovely and saw themselves as offering services, not imposing them.

BadChat25 · 23/01/2014 20:22

AIBU to ask the HV why she's here?

Is it not obvious, she would be there to do a development check with your DC...

allthingsfluffy · 23/01/2014 20:22

If you look at my OP you will see that I was asking "AIBU to ask the HV why she's here?"

Ok I will answer that.

YABU to ask someone, who is just doing their job, a question you already know the answer to. Its extremely passive aggressive and confrontational.

If you think it will make you look clever, believe me it won't.