to ask the health visitor why she's here

[womblesofwestminster]

Recently I got a letter from the health visiting team. It was informing me that an appointment had been made for a home visit for my DS because he has just turned 2.

DS is not a PFB. There's been no concerns with his development or health. No missed vaccinations or GP appointments. Nothing. So why the need for the visit?

I phoned and cancelled the appointment saying I had no concerns with my DS. They phoned back a few days later to say another appointment had been arranged. WTF? I thought this service was optional not mandatory?!

[notso]

It violates my sense of personal liberty
What a load of old shit, you sound like one of those sad face nobheads in the Daily Mail suing someone for putting sugar in their tea.

Don't have the appointment if you don't want it, but accept that refusing might raise concerns.

[CrohnicallyFarting]

I was bathing DD so only just come back and checked.

There is no duress involved- duress would be 'let us do your check or we will involve the police'. I was merely pointing out that refusal without good reason (such as that your child is already being seen by other health professionals) will raise alarm bells.

As for your reasons:

1. You can ask for the check to be carried out at a health centre or sure start or similar. They want to see your son, not your house. Of DD's checks, only the immediate postnatal ones were carried out at home due to me having a c section. After the 6 week check, I haven't met with anyone at home.
2. You can also ask for the check to be carried out at a time that suits you. I have met with the HV in the afternoon before.
3. It's a screening programme, they have decided that it's more cost effective to see children at 2 and put early interventions in place if needed, than waiting till children start school, by which time more intensive and longer interventions are needed. You might think that your son is OK, but are you a trained professional with experience of hundreds of children? (Even if you were, it's easy to miss something in your own child because you have blinkers on). It's not a waste of NHS time any more than doing smear tests on 1000s of women who turn out not to have cancer is.
4. It's quick, an hour of your time maximum. And in fact, in view of your objections 1 and 2, I'd be tempted to pop along to a weigh/drop in session at the sure start, say hi to the HVs, explain that his 2 year check is due but you have no concerns and is it really necessary? They will probably ask you a few cursory questions, make a note in his red book, takes you 10 minutes at a time and place to suit you, and they're happy that he's been seen. Job done.

[SusanC5]

You seem to be getting a hard time OP. I refused any contact with the HV after our first meeting, when her main concern was not the health and welfare of my DS, but the choice of biscuits in my biscuit tin.

[Cuddlydragon]

YABU. You're reaction to a health professional offering to come to your home to check on your child's development is a tad over the top. Tbh if you've been as forthright with them as you've been in your posts I can see why they're insisting. I'm glad they're insisting, I think a society that spends money checking in the young and potentially vulnerable is ok with me. As for answering your questions honestly, what offends you about them saying they just want to be sure the child is ok?

[JakeBullet]

Wombles, am sure this has been said already here but you don't have to see the HV or have this check. I used to be a HV and in many areas this 2 year check isn't even done. Obviously in your area it's been decreed that it should be offered. The key word here is "offered" and you don't have to accept.

[mymatemax]

Wombles, but its not about you is it, its about the children.
The HV doesn't know you the next family & cant make an assessment on your childs welfare and development if they don't actually see them.
How do they know all is well & dandy?

Why see it as sinister & intrusive? I just don't get it?

[Lambzig]

Wildthings has it spot on. It's not about you, it's about your child.

I don't agree it's about saving children at risk necessarily, I am not sure that expecting a HV to identify risk in a 20 minute visit is practical. However, I think it's very reassuring to hear your DC has hit all the developmental milestones. Ok, you can look those up yourself, but we are all inclined to be biased where our DC are concerned and I think its useful to get a trained third parties objective view. No matter how busy, surely that is worth 20 mins of anyone's time.

YABU and very precious.

[womblesofwestminster]

With an appointment you can easily fake your home life.

This.


Op why are you so pissed off that the hv wants to pay you a visit in order to check that YOUR child is ok ?

I know MY child is okay. I'm an ex-nursery nurse with degree-level training in child development (sorry for the drip feed, but you seem to think I may be unaware if my kid was having issues). I know my child is doing great.


Your attitude is disgusting

It's disgusting that I don't want a stranger to invite herself into my home at an inconvenient time because she (based on zero evidence) wants to check my child isn't delayed or abused? Really, that's disgusting??


giantpurplepeopleeater did they try to rearrange the appointment?

[NinjaBunny]

I never saw a Health Visitor at all.



I gave birth at 1am. Left the hospital with DS at lunchtime the next day after seeing no one (not one member of staff) since I'd been stitched up. I was starving, need some paracetamol and just wanted to be at home.

DS has been to the Dr a few times over the years (ear infections, chicken pox, etc) and A&E once or twice (bumps to the head) so they have our details.

But no one has ever contacted me about him. Ever.

[StarlightMcKingsThree]

The OP or anyone else has the right to decide whether or not the service will be helpful or otherwise for their child. This includes the family and their own response to a visit from the HV and that impact on the child.

HVs can be great, but they can also be not great. In my case they prevented early intervention for my classically Autistic DS that I would have accessed had I gone another route. Their gatekeeping, egos and paperwork got in the way.

I had a similar experience when seeking breastfeeding help. They made things much much worse for me.

I will not be using their service again, not because I object to a waste of my time, but because I would like to prevent further harm to my children and family.

[FlankShaftMcWap]

I can see where you're coming from OP, I found myself irritated when I listened to a message from a health visitor yesterday informing me should would be coming to meet my two youngest DC. This is the first contact we've had from her in the 9 months we've lived here and now a call out of the blue to invite herself into my home. I do find it rude tbh and it instantly put my back up.

In contrast, my last HV called me when I registered there and asked if I would mind her popping in and explained that the visit was routine and the reasons for it. I was much more receptive to my old HV unsurprisingly and she was greeted with a cup of tea when she arrived.

We all know we are under surveillance (I felt this particularly 15 years ago as a teen mum) but there are ways of making a necessary intrusion feel less intrusive iyswim.

[bella411]

I don't in general get the hatred of the hv, all of mine have good, though not really involved with dd. Have only seen them 3 times. My dd had her 9mo check this week and even though I know and work with the eyfs it was good to check her development with another professionals.

I think what wastes hv time more (and they could be spending it with the vulnerable mums and families) is people refusing to have the generic check ups therefore the hv has to waste time calling and writing to you, rearranging visits just because don't like, trust them, see them as a waste of space, mum knows best and all that shite etc etc

[Heydiddledumdum]

Yabvu. Chip on your shoulder???

[mymatemax]

Its not disgusting, you know you & the fact that you have all this child development knowledge & are a balanced caring mother with your child best interest at heart.

They do not, so they want to check.
They are putting your childs welfare above you.
that's the way it should be

[Nanny0gg]

God. It's an hour out of your life.

You may be an 'expert', but thousands aren't. So there is a system to help those who may have problems. Most don't, but some also find it reassuring.

You don't want it, don't have it. But personally, I'm glad the opportunity is there.

[MOTU]

My dd is 2.5 and we were never invited for a check and I never chased for one cos she's fine but I don't mind these appointments, either your child is doing swimmingly which is nice to hear or isn't which is necessary to hear.....

I personally have found hvs pretty pointless thus far but I certainly don't object to their involvement in our lives.

[peppinagiro]

YANBU. My HV is utterly useless. She's a dangerous mix of condescending, completely uninformed, critical and with a total disregard for confidentiality - she nattered away about a neighbour's problems as soon as she set foot in my house. There is no way on earth I would contact her for advice on anything. I'd get more expertise and wisdom from the contents of the nappy bin. I've no intention of allowing her anywhere near me or my baby again.

[womblesofwestminster]

JassyRadlett is correct. I live in a nice part of a shitty area.

[BadChat25]

OP Why post on AIBU when all you want to hear is you are right. You have every right to tell them to piss off.

You sound like a petulant child.

[StarlightMcKingsThree]

It's an OPTIONAL service. Optional services should not impose themselves on anyone. It is the parent's right currently to decide which of the available services are beneficial to her child. When a HV hounds that perception tips from may be beneficial, through 'not fussed' to detrimental.

Vaccinations are also optional, as is schooling, as is what you feed your kids. No-one should have to answer questions about these things or be hounded into taking up the services unless there are genuine safeguarding concerns, which must be made clear first.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

I know MY child is okay. I'm an ex-nursery nurse with degree-level training in child development

And? I'm a paediatric nurse, as are most hv (if not general nurses), I have no issues with my DS's development but still have no problem with them wanting to see him, even if its a tick box exercise. Infact the last one I saw we ended up having a nice chat about nursing.

[womblesofwestminster]

what offends you about them saying they just want to be sure the child is ok?

Guilty until proven innocent. That's what offends me.

[bodygoingsouth]

er qualified nursery nurses abuse and neglect children too you know op. nurses, doctors, lawyers, politicians, big TV stars, can neglect children be cruel and abusive.

being well educated and 'busy' doesn't mean your HV immediately thinks ' oh middle class professional here so obviously don't need to check on her child.'???

I hope you don't have the same prejudiced attitude in your working life with children as you could be ignoring warning signs under your nose.

I think you are miffed because your HV sent you an appointment. you sound full of your own self importance to be honest.

[pigletmania]

Op you may know your child is ok but others are not, and need health professional intervention. It's a way of assessing your child and if they need any help, if they do it's better that the child gets the help whilst they are very young. You may think that your child pis fine when they might not be, it takes a trained professional to see it. I would rather the checks, than children falling through the net not getting the help or intervention that they need. So book a an appointment at a convenient time and let the HV do her job

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

what offends you about them saying they just want to be sure the child is ok?

Guilty until proven innocent. That's what offends me

Seriously? They aren't out to get you. Believe me they want your child to be ok, it's a lot less paperwork for a start.