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AIBU?

AIBU to be pissed off about copycat hen weekend?

145 replies

papierjam · 22/01/2014 22:53

A couple of months ago I was talking to my friends about my engagement and what I intended to do for my hen weekend - without giving too many details away and outing myself, it's not exactly a generic hen weekend and something that was really "me" in the place that DF and I had our first date, so it's obviously a very significant place to me.

Today I find out that my friend, who is also engaged and getting married about 6 months before me has decided that she likes my idea so much she's planned her hen do in the exact same venue with the same activities organised around it. I'm invited, but the actual accommodation is only large enough to sleep 6, so priority will go to the hen and bridesmaids, with myself and others staying in tents.

I now feel that I can't have the hen do I dreamed of, because it will look like I'm copying her as opposed to the other way around, not to mention that our group of friends would essentially be doing the same thing twice!

It's the unique accommodation in particular that makes the venue so special to me, but of course I won't be staying in it...she happens to have chosen a rather significant birthday of mine on which to have this hen weekend too. Although I don't think this was intentional, it means that I'll be sacrificing celebrating my birthday with DF for her.

AIBU to be pissed off to think that my friend should have come up with her own bloody hen idea instead of stealing mine??!

OP posts:

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OpalQuartz · 23/01/2014 23:12

Have you told her any of your plans for the actual wedding? If not then make sure you feed her fake ideas.

ViviPru · 23/01/2014 23:34

make sure you feed her fake ideas

Genius idea! "I've been thinking about rhyming couplets for the poem we're putting in the invitations explaining how we want money instead of gifts. Using a poem is just so adorable! People love them, you know"

Quinteszilla · 23/01/2014 23:35

And odd childrens names, like Tristram, Tancred, Tarald, for boy, and Gasmyne, Tunilla and Petri for girl.

OpalQuartz · 23/01/2014 23:46

You'll definitely need a wedding wishing well for the money gifts
aweddingwishingwell.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/wishing-well-with-flowers.jpg

TinyDiamond · 23/01/2014 23:56

patience I immediately thought it was larosa too! OP sorry she's being rubbish here. Is she a bit ditzy and not realised you wanted it there?

Could she have not heard you?

I think you should book larosa hotel and the snug for yours now anyway :)

patienceisvirtuous · 24/01/2014 07:27

tiny I think she should too :)

JessieMcJessie · 24/01/2014 07:55

What kind of nutter books a venue and puts down a deposit before inviting people? She's obviously very sure of herself. And did this invite actually say who'd be in tents and who'd be in the main building, before anyone even confirmed they were coming?

Quinteszilla · 24/01/2014 08:28

I think the only sensible thing you can do is to talk in confidence to one of your more reasonable friends and see what she thinks about it.

NicknameIncomplete · 24/01/2014 09:41

I agree with Quint.

Speak to one of your other friends about it. I would be so pissed off if someone was continuely copying me.

I am not really a big fan of hen do's but it's not like it is a night at the local pub it is something that has meaning to you. I wouldnt keep quiet.

Trills · 24/01/2014 09:49

YABU to expect anyone other than perhaps your DP or your parents to pay special attention to a birthday ending in a 5.

YANBU to be irritated that your extra-meaningful weekend trip has to either be changed, or be a repeat.

One should never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity - your friend is probably just thinking "that sounds like a great weekend activity" and not thinking "but then we'd have to do it twice, or papier would have to change her plans".

YAB a bit U to think that it's a good idea to have your hen do in a location where some of your group get nice accommodation and the rest have to camp. If you are going to make new plans please make sure that either everyone gets a bed or everyone is camping.

papierjam · 24/01/2014 11:01

Trills As I explained further up the thread, I would be inviting enough people on my hen do to be able to book out 2 lots of accommodation, so no one would need to camp.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable about expecting other people to care about my birthday - in fact as I also mentioned, most people in my friendship group care far more about the significance of birthdays than I do. Since I last posted on here, two of my friends invited to the hen do have messaged me and asked if I'm ok with it being on my birthday and should they talk to the hen and suggest it's a joint do for my birthday too? I haven't replied yet.

OP posts:

Quinteszilla · 24/01/2014 11:27

It is good your friends seem to care about you.

Why not reply that you are totally gobsmacked that she has run with your id for your own hen, and on your birthday, so you dont really know what to say right now.

diddl · 24/01/2014 12:10

"should they talk to the hen and suggest it's a joint do for my birthday too? I haven't replied yet."

No mention of the fact that it was your idea fir your hen night?

diddl · 24/01/2014 12:11

Reply that you don't give a fig about your birthday-but the fact that she is doing what you want(ed) to for a hen night/weekend.

Whatisaweekend · 24/01/2014 13:47

I think Quint or Didl have it right. I think it stinks - you only get to do this once.

You could have some real fun here though, as someone suggested upthread, by feeding her some red-herring ideas!! How about saying that you really really love these wedding dresses and the produce some horrible pics like a Bo Peep style one and see if she takes the bait.

OpalQuartz · 24/01/2014 13:53

Yes, or how about camo bridesmaids?

I hope she doesn't get the same haircut as you next, otherwise it's going to start looking a bit Single White Female..

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 24/01/2014 13:55

It is lovely of your friend to suggest a joint birthday-hen do but I think that is a bad idea as you already feel the whole thing is tainted and you would possibly feel like the hanger on. I can't see her letting you have equal billing for instance.

moominmarvellous · 24/01/2014 13:56

Shit. I'm a Wendy!!

SlimJiminy · 24/01/2014 15:47

Just do something different. If it means that much to you and OH go there with him another time. It's quite sad that she can't think of something for herself.

I'm a firm believer that the people matter more than the place - you'll have a great time with your mates whatever you decide to do. Just don't let her in on your wedding plans ;-)

JessieMcJessie · 27/01/2014 06:58

Any support from your other friends OP?

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