AIBU to be pissed off about copycat hen weekend?

[papierjam]

A couple of months ago I was talking to my friends about my engagement and what I intended to do for my hen weekend - without giving too many details away and outing myself, it's not exactly a generic hen weekend and something that was really "me" in the place that DF and I had our first date, so it's obviously a very significant place to me.

Today I find out that my friend, who is also engaged and getting married about 6 months before me has decided that she likes my idea so much she's planned her hen do in the exact same venue with the same activities organised around it. I'm invited, but the actual accommodation is only large enough to sleep 6, so priority will go to the hen and bridesmaids, with myself and others staying in tents.

I now feel that I can't have the hen do I dreamed of, because it will look like I'm copying her as opposed to the other way around, not to mention that our group of friends would essentially be doing the same thing twice!

It's the unique accommodation in particular that makes the venue so special to me, but of course I won't be staying in it...she happens to have chosen a rather significant birthday of mine on which to have this hen weekend too. Although I don't think this was intentional, it means that I'll be sacrificing celebrating my birthday with DF for her.

AIBU to be pissed off to think that my friend should have come up with her own bloody hen idea instead of stealing mine??!

[cithkadston]

My thoughts exactly, Quinteszila

[Whatisaweekend]

Ooh yes, beware OP - I think Quint is right!!

[OpalQuartz]

It isn't that people look down on a meal and drink with friends, in fact that's what I did myself, it's that a couple of people have taken the piss out of the OP writing "hen do I dreamed of" as if wanting to do anything more than a meal and drink is to be derided.

[TheArmadillo]

My SIL friend did this with my SIL wedding. Very specific unusual theme that friend had never been interested in.

TBH it just showed badly on the friend - everyone knew. SIL stuck to the wedding she wanted and everyone had a fab time.

Don't change it, just casually mention to everyone it was your idea. With 6 months in between it will be fine.

[Quinteszilla]

And if this woman is invited to your hen, stick her in a tent....

[papierjam]

Thanks for all your responses, I'm currently at work (planning other people's events!) so sorry if I miss anyone's questions.

wellthatsdoneit I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks you're being a bitch! I've not said a word to this other bride so how can I be perceived as hen zilla??! Neither is the idea that I had for my hen particularly expensive or ostentatious.

I'm quite happy with a curry and a few drinks with the girls - this is what we do at least twice a month! It's NOT what I personally wish to do for my hen do.

BohemienGirl Why is it mad that I would want to have my hen do in the place I had my first date with my chap? (I hasten to add that I didn't stay overnight in this accommodation with DF, we spent our first date in the grounds) The place epitomises mine and DFs interests and is a place which bonded us, so it feels right to celebrate there. My friend has no other link to this place other than it's "nice".

And no, I'm not 50 - I'm 35! I realise the general consensus on Mumsnet seems to be that adult's birthdays don't matter - in my group of friends they do. It actually matters to me far less than many in my social circle, but it would be nice for my birthday to at least be acknowledged and to be able to sleep in the comfortable accommodation on it, instead of being exiled to the tent!

[ViviPru]

OP if you had your hen there, would you have the same sleeping arrangements as your friend is proposing? If so I think that's enough to discount this place as a suitable hen do venue before you even get into the issue with your friend. (And that's coming from someone who loves camping so much i started a website about it)

[DreamingofSummer]

The very definition of a third world problem. You're 35 - act like it

[papierjam]

If I'd had my hen do there, I would have had enough people coming to book out other accommodation on the site too, as well as the main place.

[squoosh]

'The very definition of a third world problem'

Yeah, they're always moaning about hen weekends in Chad and Eritrea.

[papierjam]

DreamingofSummer

Thank you so much for your input.

I take it you mean first world problem?

[ViviPru]

Oh well in that case OP your friend is a nob. Get Wendying on her ass yourself this very instant, one less person to cater for at your wedding too - Win!

Actual lolz @1st/3rd world problem muddle and subsequent pisstake!

[Juno77]

dreaming I don't think you understand the concept of a third world problem. Starvation? Disease? Poverty? Malnutrition?

I assume you mean first world problem. Even then, this isn't one.

This is someone being pissed off (rightly so) at her friend.

It's a hen do. You have one in your life, ever. So you want it to be what you want it to be. Your guests choose whether or not they want to come.

Same as your wedding. It doesn't make you a bridezilla, or a henzilla, to want what you want! Jesus.

[blackandwhiteandredallover]

I would rise above it and plan something low key and special with a few close friends. And plan a trip with your DP to the special place instead.

Tbh I hate hen dos/stag dos that involve booking accomodation and expensive activities. We can barely afford a family holiday and weddings are expensive to attend as it is. Your friends will probably thank you if you just go for a simple meal out instead.

[DreamingofSummer]

Oooops! First world problem!

[notso]

Surely if you discussed it with the friends first they'll all know she copied you anyway.
It's only a hen weekend not really worth getting your knickers in a twist about. No-one really enjoys hen parties anyway, they all just moan about how much they cost and how the bride sees their arse if you dare to complain.
If your a 'significant' age shouldn't you be going down the bingo hall followed by a chippy tea?

[ZenNudist]

If you get better accommodation options then your friends will prefer your hen do to the camping version 6m before.

Just make it clear you're sticking with your plans and don't go to her hen.

Are you going to fall out with her or keep the peace?

[papierjam]

I'm not going to fall out with her over this, no.

I'm going to silently fume and think about what I could do with that tent pole.

[papierjam]

She's already invited everyone to the hen do and put a deposit down for the main accommodation, so I'm not sure what talking to her about it would achieve because it's too late for her to cancel it now - if it is down to simple lack of imagination, which I suspect it is, she will indeed be mortified and I don't want to upset her for nothing.

[Whatisaweekend]

Gosh, you are a better person than me - I would HAVE to say something!!

Sorry your plans have been ruined.

[JessieMcJessie]

papier what do you think of the idea of getting one of your mutual friends to call her on it?

[JessieMcJessie]

Ah, cross posted. Is it not a bit odd that none of them thought of your feelings and pulled her up before things got this far? If not, it's not just her fault is itï¼? it's all tjhe mates who told her they'd love to come.

[RunnerHasbeen]

Is a joint hen do out of the question, if there is such an overlap of friends anyway? I would be much happier making a big effort for a joint do for two of my friends than two separate hen dos, people more likely to come as well of they can only afford one?

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

Oh do stop with all this copying nonsense. There isn't an infinite amount of places to get married. Someone will always have chosen somewhere you wanted.

YANBU but you need to stop being bothered whether people think you are copying. In 10 years time no one will even remember where you were henned or got married but YOU will. Will you regret not doing what you want for someone else's benefit who you might not even be in touch with any more?