Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off about copycat hen weekend?

145 replies

papierjam · 22/01/2014 22:53

A couple of months ago I was talking to my friends about my engagement and what I intended to do for my hen weekend - without giving too many details away and outing myself, it's not exactly a generic hen weekend and something that was really "me" in the place that DF and I had our first date, so it's obviously a very significant place to me.

Today I find out that my friend, who is also engaged and getting married about 6 months before me has decided that she likes my idea so much she's planned her hen do in the exact same venue with the same activities organised around it. I'm invited, but the actual accommodation is only large enough to sleep 6, so priority will go to the hen and bridesmaids, with myself and others staying in tents.

I now feel that I can't have the hen do I dreamed of, because it will look like I'm copying her as opposed to the other way around, not to mention that our group of friends would essentially be doing the same thing twice!

It's the unique accommodation in particular that makes the venue so special to me, but of course I won't be staying in it...she happens to have chosen a rather significant birthday of mine on which to have this hen weekend too. Although I don't think this was intentional, it means that I'll be sacrificing celebrating my birthday with DF for her.

AIBU to be pissed off to think that my friend should have come up with her own bloody hen idea instead of stealing mine??!

OP posts:

GrumpyInYorkshire · 23/01/2014 06:14

I think YABU and overthinking this. But then I don't "get" big hen dos that involve booking out accommodation months in advance.

As it's not a major birthday, I think that's a non-issue too. If it were me, I'd keep my hen do in the same place and try and stop worrying - I mean, the hen parties are months apart!

(dislaimer - my hen do was just a lovely meal out at a smart restaurant).

gimcrack · 23/01/2014 06:20

Sound out your friends first before you choose a new venue. You don't have to go on this hen do - be straight and say why you don't want to go.

CSIJanner · 23/01/2014 07:10

My NDN had her hen at a special camping/tent place. Came back with her face and arms double the size due to bites, an allergic reaction and an enforced week off work which had to be caught up on later. Food for thought?

BohemianGirl · 23/01/2014 07:13

I'm not understand the whole concept of 'camping' and 'fun' in the same sentence.

shakes head

TamerB · 23/01/2014 07:17

It is a bit late now, but a warning for others not to discuss plans in detail so far ahead.

Grennie · 23/01/2014 07:55

I really don't see the issue. Hen do's do not have to be a competition, just go to this one, and in 6 months time, and enjoy them both.

TamerB · 23/01/2014 07:58

If it is good it will stand 2 visits.

OpalQuartz · 23/01/2014 09:18

Don't think I would want to go on a hen do where the A list stayed in the unique accommodation and the B list slept in tents. Can't believe she is doing the exact activities you had planned as well as staying in the same place. Has she no imagination of her own?

ViviPru · 23/01/2014 09:23

YANBU. Totally get your gripe OP. Your original hen do idea sounds right up my street too.

You'll bring it up with the other friends and probably be met with a "I know! what is she like?!" with a few good-natured rolls of the eyes for that matter. Then nothing. If you press the point, YOU'LL look like the arsehole. It's not fair. But my advice would be get used to the fact that this will be her hen do and you'll have to do something different.

Bloody people.

wellthatsdoneit · 23/01/2014 11:06

"hen do I dreamed of"

Jesus wept. YABU, and a hen-do-zilla.

Juno77 · 23/01/2014 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

dollywobbles · 23/01/2014 11:16

To be honest, most hen do's follow a similar pattern anyway. And no one minds. I don't think it's the remit of a hen night to be extraordinary and unique.
I can't imagine anyone will care that you're doing the same thing.
Just do what you want to do.

ViviPru · 23/01/2014 11:22

Ignore the catty belittling of your feelings towards your hen do OP. There's a tendency towards an inverse snobbery against having anything for a hen do other than a korma at the local curryhouse on MN.

Its especially irksome when you're just trying to be true to yourself and not get swept up in anything too extravagant, and you think you've found the ideal solution and then someone comes and pisses on your chips.

nilbyname · 23/01/2014 11:22

I would also be pissed off if I was in a tent and some where in unique accommodation. In fact that would make me see red, and thus I would not attend.

Change your hen do.

squoosh · 23/01/2014 11:25

'Ignore the catty belittling of your feelings towards your hen do OP. There's a tendency towards an inverse snobbery against having anything for a hen do other than a korma at the local curryhouse on MN.'

Yep. People look down their nose very haughtily at anything so vulgar as a hen weekend. All that meets approval is a £10 all you can eat buffet with one glass of house red. Anything else is seen as very self indulgent.

ViviPru · 23/01/2014 11:26

I would also be pissed off if I was in a tent and some where in unique accommodation. In fact that would make me see red, and thus I would not attend.

This is a fair point. As a seasoned camper, I'd be a bit at this too. Can't you find somewhere where all of the accommodation is equally comfortable for all attendees? There's bloody millions of glamping options all over the UK. I struggle to believe that there are only two sites in the whole country remotely like what you're proposing.

You'll find that after your friends hen do, friends who had to camp in tents might be a bit disparaging about the experience, and you'll be glad you did something else.

ViviPru · 23/01/2014 11:28

Anything else is seen as very self indulgent.

As is a wedding that constitutes anything other than a quick 'I do' at the registry office followed by a couple of sausage rolls down the local WMC although I kinda wish I'd done this and still had 15K in the bank but ho hum

OpalQuartz · 23/01/2014 11:35

All that meets approval is a £10 all you can eat buffet with one glass of house red.

That sounds a bit ostentatious to me. Why not invite friends over for a Tesco Value ready meal in front of Strictly? There's no need to show off with a hen do.

Quinteszilla · 23/01/2014 11:41

Outmanouver her.

Engage her in other fab and outlandish plans you have, and see if she will jump ship...

OpalQuartz · 23/01/2014 11:43

I'm intrigued about what the venue is

Whatisaweekend · 23/01/2014 11:50

YANBU this would REALLY piss me off. I would have to say something. Or perhaps enlist a friend, explain what has happened and get her to say to this copycat "but isn't that exactly what papier jam told you she was doing?" And when she says "oh yes but it's such a good idea, I am doing it too", your friend should pull her strongest possible face and say "well, it was very special to papier, I hope she isn't too upset you have stolen her hen". She needs to be told this isn't on. She should bloody well think up her own plans - I can't stand people who don't have a single original idea in their heads and have to copy others.

cithkadston · 23/01/2014 11:53

I like whatisaweekend's suggestion.

OP, I would be really upset if someone did that to me. I would be upset too at being made to sleep in a tent whilst the bride's inner circle of friends slept in luxury accommodation.

StealthPolarBear · 23/01/2014 11:57

Tbh I think its the other way round now. Why do people look dow on a local meal and drinks with friends? Why is that not fun when presumably the same people go oit for meals and drinks with friends all the time?

Quinteszilla · 23/01/2014 11:59

Me thinks that this newcomer to the group is a Wendy.

nilbyname · 23/01/2014 12:02

The accommodation thing is. Ryan bugging me, op, come back and explain please! Would you sleep in a house and your mates in tents? Crazy!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6