Aibu to expect to know what time he's coming over?

[Dollslikeyouandme]

A lot of a backstory, boyfriend of 5 years, don't live together but he's round mine more often than not.

He comes over anytime between 6 and half 8. Depending on what time he finishes work, whether he goes home first to shower or showers here etc.

I make him tea when he comes, everyday I finish work, I have to sort evening meal for myself and my son. Boyfriend never gives me a courtesy call to say what time he will be over. I'd like to know as then I can decide whether to hang on to make tea, whether to make two meals, leave his in oven or whatever.

When I ring to ask him he either ignores me or texts me saying 'normal time', which could mean anytime.

Sometimes he decides at 5.30 that he's not even coming.

If I just don't bother making him anything then I'm wrong too

Aibu?

Yay OP!

Don't you dare run his stuff over to him though - the whole point about dumping him is that you don't need to do that sort of stuff any more. Tell him it is going out the back/on the street in a bin bag just before he finishes work, and not to bother knocking. Then dump stuff as arranged, and take your DC out to the cinema for the evening.

Yay OP. I nearly cheered out loud when you LTB.

DON'T capitulate! Come back and read this thread if you feel yourself wavering.

Hope you have a lovely tea tonight x

Well done you. That shows strength of character - more in your little finger than he has in his entire body!

Seriously OP - draft any texts you get the urge to send them and post them here instead! It'll have the desired effect rant-wise but you won't have the actual contact with him. Me and my friends have done this with each other before - sent each other the rants we really want to send to the wankbadgers we're dumping - it can be strangely therapeutic and you'll be surprised at how few times you actually need to do it before it's completely out of your system and you've moved on. STAY STRONG!! xx

Thumbs Up & Hugs!

You won't look back...

Don't run his stuff yo him. Dump it outside, and if it gets wet. Tough!

Well done. Stay strong!

Well I already feel sad so I'm not doing very well really.

How many dinner's are you going To cook this evening OP, and do you have any idea what time you and DS will be there, or are you hanging around waiting for a text?

What's that? You're cooking just once for yourself and DS, and both of you are there already?

Well done OP and bon apetite.

You're making a big change in your life- you're allowed to feel a bit sad. But not too much!

When you start to feel down, or wonder if you've made the right choice, re-read this thread- especially your own posts about how he treats you.

Well done. Think of all that hassle you are saving yourself. Now you need to think of the lovely things you can be doing instead, playing with your son, watching the tv you want, having long bubbles baths, going to bed earlier or whatever floats your boat.

If you are feeling the urge to text him and you don't trust yourself not to thrn try deleting his number. If you feel you really need to keep his number for some reason write it on a piece of paper and give it to a rl friend and then delete the number from your phone.

I was going to suggest you ask MN to move this thread to Relationships. But it looks like the end result is the same as you'd be advised on there. He's a cocklodger. Well done for kicking his sorry, mean, selfish arse into touch.

Now, turn your phone off, get some good t.v. on the go, eat the lovely meal you have prepared for you and your LO. Do NOT respond to any, and I mean, ANY communications with your EX boyfriend. Because there's absolutely NOTHING to say.

Get your mates round over the next few days and plan something lovely for the weekend out and about with your boy.

It may take a week, or it may take 6 months, but one day you will see your 'relationship' with the cocklodger was based on false premises.

No-one is better than anyone. Especially your shit ex boyfriend.

Op if you can - you would really benefit from some
Counselling. You will need help and support to move out of this abusive situation - and it is abusive.

Have a look at the BACP website you might find a counsellor that offers cheap hourly rates

There will be reasons why you have put up with this - that relate to your own family background

I agree you should start a thread in relationships for hand holding and you can talk through how you have ended up with such low confidence tht you out up with this

Kerosene I've only just looked at that dancing Winnie the Pooh, I love it!

It's just hard because one day you're thinking about what you're going to do at the weekend, this year, and then you make a decision like this and suddenly everything's changed, and even though people say it's for the best, it isn't really what I wanted (in an ideal world scenario).

How are you faring now OP?

You've done the right thing, Dolls.

You'll have good moments and lower moments, but they will get less and less over time, and at least you will be in control of things, rather than spending nights waiting for him to turn up for the dinner you've cooked him, or to return your call he ignored, or waiting to see if he's in a mood with you over the fact you hoovered your own home, (heaven forbid! ).

Take some time to enjoy yourself, in a short while you'll look back on this and wonder what all the fuss was about, when you are 100% happy without him.

Well seen as he hasn't responded even to say he agrees it's best to go our separate ways or bothered to collect the stuff I feel pretty hurt, and sort of a bit in limbo. But meh.

Hey, dolls - remember that he doesn't need to agree that it is over. You've decided it's over, and that's that.

Can you think about lovely things you can do this year, with just your little family? You'll have a bit more money now that you aren't supporting the cocklodger. Maybe make a list?

Well done dolls. Did he collect his stuff?

No he hasn't collected his stuff

I've just read your thread and wanted to give you some for your courage and strength. Not easy to put to an end an abusive situation and walk away from a 5 year relationship. Of course you're going up feel sad as well as empowered. It will be a swirl of emotions. But you have absolutely done the right thing for you and your son. You would feel even more horrible if your son treated his significant other like this in years to come having learned it from your ex. I don't know you but from what I've read I'm really proud of you. Keep strong doll, you deserve so much better. Xxxx ps as others have said, delete his number xxx

Whee! Go you, OP! I did a little dance in my chair when I saw you'd sent that text! Not going to lie, it'll hurt for a while, but, you've made the decision not to be a doormat anymore, you just have to keep making that decision now. It'll be the best thing you ever do, I promise.

The fact he hasn't even properly responded, rang you or done anything tells you everything you need to know.

Keep his stuff outside - if it gets nicked or rained on that's his fault. Make sure he hasn't got any keys.

Don't let him treat you like a cook and convenient laundry woman for another five years. The odd pub meal and treat at the weekend does not constitute a relationship here.

I wonder if he doesn't actually believe you will go through with this and he's just going to rock up tonight for his food....