Aibu to expect to know what time he's coming over?

[Dollslikeyouandme]

A lot of a backstory, boyfriend of 5 years, don't live together but he's round mine more often than not.

He comes over anytime between 6 and half 8. Depending on what time he finishes work, whether he goes home first to shower or showers here etc.

I make him tea when he comes, everyday I finish work, I have to sort evening meal for myself and my son. Boyfriend never gives me a courtesy call to say what time he will be over. I'd like to know as then I can decide whether to hang on to make tea, whether to make two meals, leave his in oven or whatever.

When I ring to ask him he either ignores me or texts me saying 'normal time', which could mean anytime.

Sometimes he decides at 5.30 that he's not even coming.

If I just don't bother making him anything then I'm wrong too

Aibu?

I know, the irony, it's him all over though.

I'm also fairly sure that he was getting at me giving him a small household appliance, to put it into perspective it cost £20 and was given to us both as a gift for out impending moving in.

It was to live at my house however one morning he took it home without my knowledge along with some of his other things, this was about two weeks ago. I asked him why and he ended up bringing it back, I'm fairly sure he will be on about that soon. It's electrical so I haven't put it outside.

He wants to take your stuff? As if your home was a shared 'marital' home that he had contributed to?

His wankery knows no bounds.

I really would get your locks changed on Monday.

Dolls he's really, really pathetic. Money for a duvet cover? Seriously?! I second the advice to just ignore him. You've told him where his stuff is. Does he have a key? If so I would be changing my locks. Think you've done amazingly well today :)

I'm very impressed at your clarity now. He's showing you exactly what sort of self serving worm he is, isn't he?

Good grief. He has no shame. If he tries to ask for anything else, give him a bill for 5 years of dinners, plus your wages as a personal cook and cleaner.
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Yes, definitely get the locks changed, or if it's easier/cheaper get an extra lock put on that he won't have a key for - and make sure you put that lock on all the time.

If you were going to respond to any of his pathetic claims on stuff in your house, I would be tempted to reply with 'Tell you what, I'll keep X and we'll consider that fair recompense for all the meals I have cooked you in the last year'. But, again, it is probably best to ignore (hard I know).

On the 'is he enjoying this' front, he is certainly getting something out of it, and it is not from being miserable and bereft. He is getting off on thinking of ways to needle you and make you worry you are being unreasonable - so basically business as usual for him. The best way to deal with this is not to play. If he comes round, he comes round - though there is a good chance he actually doesn't intend to but is betting that just the threat of doing so will get you to reply. Call his bluff.

Keep the chain on your door when in and use it when replying so that you know you can actually just refuse to let him in if he does show up. 'We've said all there is to say, so just take your stuff from outside', would be my repeat-endlessly-till-he-goes-away sentence in that scenario.

Just disengage from him entirely. Tell him his stuff is outside, and if he hasn't collected it by the end of the weekend it's going in the bin for the dustmen to take. Then say no more.
The guy's a fucking tool - there's no point talking to someone like that.

If his mum and dad are so wonderful they can make his bloody dinner.

I don't think he's got a key. I've never given him one but I did find one he'd had cut once without me knowing which I took straight back, I don't think there are any more.

I really can't afford to get the locks changed, well I'm assuming it's expensive?

get some cheep door stoppers. use them so he cannot get in. of course this will only work when you are home

(((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))

If it's a yale you can get the barrel changed in 10 minutes and it costs less than a week's worth of meals for him.

If you respond again, make sure it is 'your things are getting mine and wet outside lolz'. and leave it at that. Do not give him any more money for goodness sakes.

I won't be giving him any more money I only did for the duvet cover as I thought well he won't be using it, probably stupid of me but if I hadn't I'd have had a torrent of abuse about how I've used him and him listing all the things he's ever bought for me. Which he'll probably still do anyway.

And even though yes he's stayed at mine all this time for free he has always paid for lots of other things so feel it equals out.

If he was nice to you, you wouldn't have dumped him. Block his number on your mobile and ignore.
It's hard to disengage from the back and forth. Don't give him that headspace. Your first reaction might not be the best one so give yourself some space.

OP depending on the type of lock you have you should be able to take it out and replace with another. I did this when I moved into my house. I think they cost about £16 or so. There's lots of videos on youtube if you want to have a look.

I'm so fucking angry he's text saying he thinks we need to speak I asked what about he said he'll ring me tonight, he's such a piss taking little weasel, I've said it's over but he just seems to think he will be able to click his fingers when he's ready.

Worse still he 'wants to talk' but clearly not as a priority, how fucking dare he?

Tell me, seen as he STILL hasn't collected his crap and clearly has no intentions and it's taking up space in my porch. would I be justified in taking it all straight to the charity shop or the tip as I'm sick if looking at it.

It's quite clear to me that me breaking up with him is working in his favour as he gets a weekend away from having to pretend he's part of my family and he quite clearly thinks that he can just pick up where he left off when he's bored.

Disengage. Easier said than done I know. We need to talk means ' I need to talk you round'

If I was you, I would text back and say that it isn't convenient to talk tonight. I would also tell him that unless his stuff is gone off your doorstep by Sunday at 8pm then it will be going in the bin.

Keep strong - you can get this cocklodger out of your life

He thinks it's in his favour.

But it doesn't matter what it is to him.

It matters what it is to you.

No, leave his stuff for now. He sounds the type to report it as a bloody theft or provide receipts for you to reimburse him!!

OP, seriously do not engage in conversation with him. When he says "we need to talk" don't ask him what about, just keep repeating "there's nothing to talk about"

He is trying to take control of the situation & you are letting him.

Good luck.

Agree with the above though, give him a deadline to collect it.