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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be disappointed that someone didn't offer

166 replies

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/01/2014 02:25

I've just read the thread about a train journey with a buggy and it put me in mind of a situation I saw recently. I wondered how many people would have moved..
I boarded an aeroplane with my DH and 5 DCs, none of whom had flown before and were all nervous (truth be told, I'm terrified myself) there weren't enough seats in one row for all of us so DH sat between 2 DCs, I sat between 2 DCs and oldest sat alone (he didn't mind). Plane filled up and just before take off, a young family boarded. There was a Mum with a baby, a Dad and young girl (approx 2yo). There were no seats together, so Mum sat in a single seat with baby on lap, Dad sat in another with DD behind him. She was distraught, obviously scared and broke her heart. He was trying to hold her hand but couldn't because everyone needed to be strapped in. I was really shocked that no-one offered to swap with him so he could sit with his DD, even if it had just been for the take-off, and it was only an hour long flight anyway. I genuinely would have done so myself if my own DCs hadn't been so nervous. I don't know how they got to the airport but if they were on a transport bus, they would have had no control over what time they got to the airport (in case people post that they should have got there earlier). So, if you had no DCs to consider, would you have offered?

OP posts:

WooWooOwl · 20/01/2014 17:12

Kali, I don't like flying, but I don't get panic attacks and suffer badly. It's just the principle of the thing because I always make the effort to book seats if I have requirements.

I think it's selfish not to when you know that other people will be expected to move to accommodate you if you don't just because you have a child and an aversion to planning for yourself. Especially when people have paid a lot of money for something.

Pre booking has always worked for us, and I wouldn't move for a family that hadn't pre booked unless they refunded us the full cost of pre booking for all our family in cash there and then.

I did once offer to swap so that a parent could be near their child, and ended up having to move from my aisle seat to a middle seat, which resulted in the most uncomfortable and unpleasant flight I have ever experienced. Add that to the fact that the parent in question wasn't even vaguely appreciative, and I'm now of the opinion that it's not worth bothering again.

ConferencePear · 20/01/2014 17:36

I fly fairly regularly on Ryanair and I always book a seat.

kali110 · 20/01/2014 17:52

Woo i understand and agree with that point also. I think i said the same thing on a thread a year ago and was shot down! It isnt fair though to be expected to be move when someone has paid a lot of money to make sure they are sat where they want to so completely see your point.

Original poster

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/01/2014 18:53

Sorry, have been out all day. I'm trying to remember which airline we flew with. It was either EasyJet or RyanAir, but I'm not sure which. I don;t remember there being an option to book seats at all, if there had been we would have done so, as all the children were so nervous. The family in question, didn't ask anyone to move, they didn't come across as entitled so much as concerned for their sobbing 2 yo. As I said earlier, it just struck me as sad that no-one offered to move. Not that they SHOULD have. As for them being late on board, I don't know how they got to the airport (again, as I said earlier). We booked a package holiday and everything was included, including the coach to the airport. We didn't get a say in which coach that was, it was a case of "the coach will pick you up at .... be there!". If they had had a similar deal they wouldn't have had any say about it.

OP posts:

GColdtimer · 20/01/2014 19:07

I think that is a very sad reflection of society that people would rather judge the parents for not booking a seat and refuse to move on principle (and because they had paid an extra tenner) than actually put the needs of a terrified and sobbing 2 year old first. Surely at that point anyone decent and without special needs of their own would say to the parent "your poor dd, let me swap so you can comfort her". Does it really matter if parents had been disorganised/naive/tightwads at this point? Surely the sight of a terrified toddler trumps all that?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 20/01/2014 19:22

YANBU to think that someone should have offered to move but I wonder if no one realised until it was to late and then, the plane was already on the move.

PasswordProtected · 20/01/2014 19:32

It is threads like these that remind me why I fly business class with Lufthansa!

feelingvunerable · 20/01/2014 20:08

I don't think you should have to pay to sit next to the people you have booked to travel with. Likewise I think it is reasonable when booking hotel rooms that members of one party are situated next to each other (where ever possible).

The same as when you go into a restaraunt you sit as one party on one table.

It's all a money making con charging extra to sit together.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/01/2014 20:13

But when you phone a restaurant you book for a table of X

And when you just walk in , if a table big enough isn't available you have to wait til one is.

WooWooOwl · 20/01/2014 20:45

That wouldn't work though because planes and families and groups of passengers come in all different sizes.

It is impossible to always sit groups together, so some people prefer having the option of paying so that they can sit together.

FudgefaceMcZ · 20/01/2014 20:55

YANBU. It has nothing to do with what the parents 'ought' to have done, all adults, regardless of their relationship to the child, should put children before themselves as children are vulnerable citizens and require greater levels of care. This is so basic a human concept that it's actually shocking that society is failing so much in teaching people of their duties to those less able than themselves.

feelingvunerable · 20/01/2014 21:27

It used to work previously.
You get to the check in and you are seated in order, filling up as you go, no gaps in seating allowed.
There wasn't a problem before.
Imagine if customers chose where to sit in a busy restaraunt.

Look at all the uproar on here when couple occupy large seating areas in cafes etc.

SeaSickSal · 20/01/2014 22:38

Are you sure you were not mistaken about who was her parent and who was with her?

An airline would not seat a two year old alone. If the person in the seat next to her had touched her up they would have been sued to buggery. Can't see the other passengers being delighted about being sat next to an unsupervised toddler. Plus all the h&s laws it would have broken.

Unless they simply didn't tell the cabin crew I refuse to believe such a situation would happen. You must have been mistaken about which adult was her father.

BrianTheMole · 20/01/2014 22:44

I would have moved if it was just me, or dh and me.

difficultpickle · 20/01/2014 22:50

I'm really surprised that the airline would allow a 2 year old to fly not seated next to one of their parents (who whomever was travelling with her). Ds is 9 and a very seasoned flyer. At 2 he didn't see the point in having his seat belt done up so I usually had to hold the seat buckle to stop him undoing it.

amyshellfish · 20/01/2014 23:18

Hang on so in every situation, ever, I should put a random kid above myself, even if they are accompanied by a capable parent? Random kids comfort and wellbeing is not my responsibility. that probably makes me sound like a bitch but it's true.

Her parents should have ASKED if they were that bothered and let the stewards sort. They didn't, so presumably the child wasnt that distressed or they would have done something about it.

cardamomginger · 20/01/2014 23:35

Am I allowed to lighten the mood by posting a link to a Hitler Rant? Password's comment about flying business class with Lufthansa just made it too tempting

Caitlin17 · 20/01/2014 23:41

I'd have moved. I'm usually on my own or with grown up son. He and I don't need to sit together and we do sit separately if it allows others who want/need to sit together to do so.

Caitlin17 · 20/01/2014 23:51

I'd have moved. I'm usually on my own or with grown up son. He and I don't need to sit together and we do sit separately if it allows others who want/need to sit together to do so.

BrianTheMole · 21/01/2014 00:06

I'm really not seeing the humor in that link

cardamomginger

cardamomginger · 21/01/2014 00:08

Really? I think it's bloody hilarious.

BrianTheMole · 21/01/2014 00:11

wobblyweebles · 21/01/2014 01:04

Which H&S laws exactly? In which country?

Morgause · 21/01/2014 06:39

It has nothing to do with what the parents 'ought' to have done, all adults, regardless of their relationship to the child, should put children before themselves as children are vulnerable citizens and require greater levels of care. This is so basic a human concept that it's actually shocking that society is failing so much in teaching people of their duties to those less able than themselves.

There are adults who are every bit as vulnerable as children. An elderly adult with arthritis who books a seat so she can travel in comfort trumps a crying child for me. Children cry. Adults don't have to dance attendance on every crying child, they really don't.

willyoulistentome · 21/01/2014 06:45

amyshellfish yes it does make you sound like a bitch.

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