to be disappointed that someone didn't offer

[BillyNotQuiteNoMates]

I've just read the thread about a train journey with a buggy and it put me in mind of a situation I saw recently. I wondered how many people would have moved..
I boarded an aeroplane with my DH and 5 DCs, none of whom had flown before and were all nervous (truth be told, I'm terrified myself) there weren't enough seats in one row for all of us so DH sat between 2 DCs, I sat between 2 DCs and oldest sat alone (he didn't mind). Plane filled up and just before take off, a young family boarded. There was a Mum with a baby, a Dad and young girl (approx 2yo). There were no seats together, so Mum sat in a single seat with baby on lap, Dad sat in another with DD behind him. She was distraught, obviously scared and broke her heart. He was trying to hold her hand but couldn't because everyone needed to be strapped in. I was really shocked that no-one offered to swap with him so he could sit with his DD, even if it had just been for the take-off, and it was only an hour long flight anyway. I genuinely would have done so myself if my own DCs hadn't been so nervous. I don't know how they got to the airport but if they were on a transport bus, they would have had no control over what time they got to the airport (in case people post that they should have got there earlier). So, if you had no DCs to consider, would you have offered?

[SaucyJack]

I'd move if I was in a position to help, but logistically speaking potentially very few people on the plane would have been in a position to help.

Unless you were sitting right next to the girl or her dad then swapping your single seat would've have achieved anything. Just swapping one single seat for another.

[lastnightopenedmyeyes]

As long as it didn't mean abandoning my own small children, I would absolutely offer to swap.

I need to stop reading these threads because it honestly makes me despair when so many people are just so selfish and seem to have no consideration or compassion

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Id have moved obviously.

However doesn't this happen a lot. People pay extra to pre book seats to ensure they are together and then turns out airlines make sure that kids are with parents anyway so they waste the extra money on trying to be sensible and planning ahead.

Really the parents should have sorted it out it's not defying else's responsibility to accomodate them. People ha error own reasons for sitting where they do. Needing to be near a window or the toilet or near the front as they can't walks far etc
But I do realise that not an entire plane would r full of disabled people or those who needed to stay put. There must have been someone able to be kind.

I'm healthy and able and if I wasn't with my kids id move in a heart beat but the family should really have sorted it out.

[thegreylady]

I would have moved like a shot especially if I could still have an aisle seat but regardless I could not sit next to a distressed child knowing I could help.

[NotNewButNameChanged]

Bunbaker - sorry, you can't have it both ways. Why is someone who chooses not to move selfish and entitled, but a parent who expects others to move seats so that they can sit with their children, not selfish or entitled? As is evident on this thread, there are plenty of people who have perfectly valid reasons for not moving, anything from being nervous flyers, weak bladders or long-legged so it helps if they can stick their legs out in the aisle when people aren't walking up and down it.

I flew for only the second time in 40 years last year. I was an absolute nervous wreck - it probably has something to do with the fact that a friend was killed on the plane that crashed on the M1 at Kegworth all those years ago when I was young. I flew with a friend and there is no way I could have coped if she hadn't been sat next to me there and back.

If it's not possible to pre-book seats, then you have to get to the gate good and early to be able to be allocated seats together. While I agree that we should try and be accommodating and reasonable, we also all have responsibility for ourselves and our loved ones. Just because someone is a parent does not give them carte blanche to play the 'parent card' to get their own way in situations that could have been avoided.

[TheDoctrineOf2014]

But Giles, since the plane was about to take off, and OP and family were sitting in two of the rows that could actually see the problem, it's quite possible that dad and DD were not seen by anyone else who could help (if the other seats in their two rows had families in, for example)

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I can't imagine flying with small children and not having every last detail worked out.

You just can't wing it.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

That is very true doc

I guess I can see both sides tbh. And I don't think it's fair to use a two yr old to prove a point. And someone if they saw or heard perhaps morally they should have helped. However children are the responsibility of the parents and to hold others responsible for their mistake isn't on.

I would never let that stop me from moving though. I just couldn't leave her there crying.

[TheDoctrineOf2014]

Once the plane was taxiing then no one could have swapped, though I'm surprised no one offered once the seatbelt signs were off.

[WooWooOwl]

I don't think it's fair to judge whether other people should have moved or not. No one knows anyone else's personal circumstances or feelings about flying, and it's something that a lot of people find very stressful.

I don't think a child's distress is any more important than an adults distress in this situation tbh. An adult will have developed the self control not to scream and cry like a two year old, but their feelings of nervousness on take off can be just as real and valid to them.

[cardamomginger]

We don't know what the situation was regarding the parents, booking, turning up at the airport on time, or getting to the gate on time. However, even if the parents had been completely negligent in not pre-booking, turning up to the gate early enough to be first in the queue for early boarding, etc, etc, even if they were completely selfish idiots who expect the world to revolve around them, none of that was the little girl's doing who had no control over the situation at all. The reality is that moving seats helps a small innocent person in distress, it's not enabling wanker parents to continue in their wankerish behaviour. It's not about the parents and the attitude we take towards their (unknown, but presumed faulty) behaviour. It's about the child and the fact that she is crying.

[QuintessentialShadows]

You did not move because you wanted to sit with your own family.

I guess the other people on the plane did not move for the same reason.

What makes your reason more valid then theirs, and why are you disappointed that THEY did not move, as opposed disappointed in yourself?

Now that our sons are 11 and 8 we dont bother booking together. We are usually very early at the airport and that is not a problem, we are always ending up sitting together as the places are allocated next to each other at the time of booking anyway...

[Gileswithachainsaw]

It's also about recognising that those who don't move arebt selfish or mean etc that they have their reasons for sitting where they do and may well have paid extra to ensure they got that seat.

Fears are fears regardless of age.

[WooWooOwl]

Cardamom, we don't know the situation regarding the nearby fellow passengers either, so an accurate judgement over whether they were selfish is impossible to make.

[MidniteScribbler]

Having caught many planes in my life, I can honestly say that in most cases I wouldn't even be aware of what is going on outside of a row or two around me. I don't sit and watch everyone board just in case I need to switch seats with them, I just sit down, earphones in or nose in a book. If someone needs to switch they need to use their words and actually ask, not assume everyone is a mind reader and knows exactly the relationships between who is sitting where on a flight.

[ProudAS]

Having children is a lifestyle choice, having anxiety or an ASD isn't.

Families can wait till their children are older to fly (awkward and inconvenient as it may be) but a hidden disability is likely to be for life.

Adults may not make their distress at being separated from travel companions so obvious but that doesn't lessen it.

[WooWooOwl]

Good points ProudAS.

[Morgause]

Just because someone is a parent does not give them carte blanche to play the 'parent card' to get their own way in situations that could have been avoided.

Such wise words NotNewButNameChanged.

That could be a thread in itself. I shall remember those words and quote you constantly.

[kali110]

I wouldn't move. Im a very nervous flyer. Sorry if the child is in distress but im not going to have a panic attack on a flight and cause myself and partner to have distress.
This is why i pay extra prebook.im not a heartless bitch at all, i do however suffer from extreme anxiety. Not everyone who refuses to move are selfish.

[ProfPlumSpeaking]

There was an odd situation with BA when I used to fly with young DC (I assume they have changed it now) where you could preselect your seats on the internet 24 hours (or maybe even a week) beforehand UNLESS your party included children in which case you were allocated seats at check-in. By the day of the flight, most seats had gone to adults who had selected them on the net beforehand and so it was sometimes not possible to sit together as a family. A bizarre system.

[Grennie]

I would have moved. But I am a nervous flyer and wouldn't have liked to be separated from my DP. So I would have done it, but reluctantly

[GhostsInSnow]

Oh, its one of those AIBU's I like to call 'wind em up and watch em go'

[IamRechargingthankYou]

I would have moved if I could - just as I would for a distressed adult passenger - the last thing I would think is 'well, that'll teach 'em for not pre-booking'. I also find it annoying when I see parents travelling alone (usually mothers) with at least one infant, struggling with one arm to get their stuff out of the overhead lockers (hoping the stuff doesn't pile out on to their baby held in the other) as people ignore and push on past. A little 'I'll get that for you' takes just a few seconds.

Also, I'm very curious what the passenger actually sitting next to the distressed child in the OP did? Stare out the window?

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Did they realise they'd eaten your meal though or did the person serving not realise you'd moved so they just assumed it was for them?

I asked the hostess to go and tell them as she walked past but even though they hadn't started it yet [the veggie meals come early and the standard ones all come together] they refused to let me have it.

They didn't say 'oh that won't be for us, we swapped so it will be a lady in seat number X/over there/someone else'. They kept it and refused to give it back.

So hence; never again.

[ComposHat]

iam I don't thimk you can blsme the person who has an upset child sitting next to them. I don't have any children and don't interact with thrm much. I really wouldn't know how to comfort them or would worry thsy hsving a stranger babbling on st yhem would frighten thrm further.
I wouldn't wamt to get accused of getting inaproptely close to a child by holding their hand, stroking their hsir in case it was seem as being sinister.