AIBU to not "get" mass public mourning?

[BabyMummy29]

Thinking of the sad case of the little boy in Edinburgh at the moment, but on so many occasions nowadays people leave flowers, toys etc when they didn't even know the person concerned,

Wouldn't they be better spending the money on a donation to a charity.

I just don't get it at all. Fair enough if you knew the person involved. but not otherwise.

Agree ghoulish, like people slowing down to have a good look at road accidents - they don't want to help & I don't expect they actually want to see anything gory - they just can't help looking and causing massive tailbacks

Going to watch a hanging or some other form of gruesome execution was well-established entertainment not that long ago.
Rubber-necking is partially reassuring ourselves 'at least it's not us' and 'we are better than them'.

I sometimes struggle to accept that humans consider themselves the most evolved species on this planet .

the term 'grief wanking' is vile

It is vile. It also exactly describes the mawkish behaviour described in this thread and others like it.

Witch but this goes beyond that, if you're on the Motorway and you see a smashed up car with Ambulances around it, you just happen upon it in the course of the journey, as a rule people don't drive around with the sole purpose of finding car crashes.

These people made a choice to look up the time and place of the court appearance, leave their homes, get a bus or drive to the Sheriff Court in the town centre and wait for a fleeting glimpse of the woman.

I really don't understand the thought process, at any one of the above stages, did none of them think: 'why am I doing this?' 'Is this really in the best taste?' or 'what will this achieve?'

Compo I agree totally - it goes far far beyond that because of the planning involved. What did they expect to achieve I wonder - being in a newspaper having a rant? The warm glow of having lorded it over someone, even in their own mind? Very odd

Grief wanking is no worse than lil man in my book

If that's the thing you find most offensive you're missing the the better points of the thread completely

YANBU. It's mawkish bandwagon jumping and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

also I never look at crashes - never and my kids always say 'look away' when we see motorway accidents - I was involved in a pile up and being gawped at by every passing fuckwit really upset me

I suppose it's because a court appearance is a public event and some people want to be at high profile ones to say they were there.

I don't know why but as long as they don't hurl abuse I can't condemn them. It's an event and people like events, including the unpleasant ones. They they queue for autographs too, another practice I don't understand but don't disapprove of.

The mother of Mikaeel Kular appeared today in a closed hearing, didn't she? Those are the rules for a Sheriff's Court, but I do feel slightly uneasy about that.

It's a bit like: 'Move along. Nothing to see here.'

I never looked at crashes even before my daughter got cancer and died.

Being respectful of injured and dead people is zero insurance nothing bad will happen to you or yours.

And murderers (or alleged murderers) look just like a. Person

But, Limited, there is nothing to see here as yet. There will be all kinds of reports being made and recommendations to see if she is even fit to stand trial for a start.

I also never look at crashes and loathe those that gawp, causing huge tailbacks and more crashes because of their own morbid curiosity.

I look at crashes. I don't mean to say I elbow the emergency services aside to peer through the wreckage, but how do you avoid it?

Someone was knocked down by a cyclist near me recently and I stayed at that scene for quite a while. Partly because the cyclist was trying to make off and some big men were reasoning with him and the smaller people like me were silently shifting and blocking him when he tried to leave.

I think that was responsible of us.

But I have to say that I stayed after two of the big men lost patience and held him tight, because I wanted to see what the police would do when they turned up. So did lots of other people and lots of latecomers asked us what was going on and had a look too. I think that's normal.

So after he'd been detained I was rubbernecking. Or taking an interest in a dramatic event that I was involved in, albeit in some small way. As were the people who asked what had happened.

The photograph of the van on the BBC website has about a dozen people, mainly men round it who look as if they are using phones to take pictures.

The appearance in court is procedural. You can only at this stage. Scots law has very strict rules about the length of time you can hold someone in custody. It's to do with making sure those technicalities are being dealt with. There really is nothing to see.

it doesn't really matter gordy but been in the thread since yesterday. grief wank is a vile expression and lil man is I agree annoying like princess.

I too can't understand waiting outside a court room unless you are press or involved in the process in some way.

this really has absolutely nothing to do with adults laying flowers in a quiet and respectful way.

re the motorway accidents it's actually fairly sensible to slow down at the sight of a blue light, there could be debris or casualties ahead.

it's a bloody sad world if every gesture is seen as coming from a bad motive and not a good one.

yes there are daft people out there but the vast majority just want to help and show support, most people are actually nice really.

so much sneering and nastiness on here it leaves a bad taste.

youthecat I think it's really important that people appear in open court. Secret hearings are dangerous.

I know this isn't a secret hearing in the sense of countries that 'disappear' people, because everyone knows her name, what she's been charged with, where she's being held and when she'll appear again.

But I am still uneasy about it and find it rather contemptuous of the authorities not to trust people to sit in the public gallery of a court. If people misbehave, eject them.

The only exceptions should be proper security reasons - a real threat of life-threatening attack, not just shouting - or if the person's identity is sensitive.

I can't immediately think of a reason why a defendant's identity should be withheld. And I don't think that's going to do him or her any favours.

I can certainly think why some witnesses or victims should be shielded, but again, for proper reasons, not just because it's a bit embarrassing and all rather unseemly.

The way I see it is, if she has done what she is accused of, then she may well have some serious mental health issues herself. There'll be a whole lot more to this case and for now we need to let the law get on and deal with it all the best way it can so that the correct justice is done.

Caitlin I was walking across the bridge, looking down onto the rear entrance. There were about a similar number of gawpers up there.

youthecat yes, she might have. But I can conceive of plenty of situations where people have thought it was a good idea that because of someone's fragile mental state they should be dealt with behind closed doors.

Is her eventual trial going to be dealt with in this way? If not, and I hope not, then what's so special about this hearing?

SDTG - I certainly wasn't saying that if you don't leave teddies, etc you don't have compassion. I was saying if you can't understand why people would want too then maybe you don't have that kind of understanding thought process. You can understand why someone would do something without wanting to do it yourself.

Are they gawpers or are they people who feel that by their presence they are making a sign of respect to the boy who died?

I honestly don't know.

I've never attended a court hearing I haven't been paid for and I've never laid flowers or teddies. I admit I turn up my nose at pictures of people who do and, as a spelling pedant, wince at their messages. But I've just explained how I would be described as a gawper at a recent accident by a high-minded passer-by.

I live close to Princess Diana's haunts. I could smell the scent of lilies on the air from Buckingham Palace. I wouldn't have believed it it was possible.

On the day of her funeral, my mum and I watched it on telly even though the service was held just up the road and there were enormous screens in Hyde Park for the overspill.

She was a big Di fan, me, not so much, and I couldn't be fagged to fight my way through the crowds.

When the hearse had departed we went on a bit of a sightseeing tour. Or gawped, if you like. It was an event. It meant different things to my mum and me. Most people behaved well. A few people behaved very badly indeed. But their behaviour isn't a reason for excluding everyone.

limitedPeriodOnly

I like your gentle reflections on your actions and your ability to see both sides of a situation far far more than the strident judgmental posts on this thread.

it's good to see the good in people, it's good to understand people's frailty and their maybe clumsy attempts to offer support.

the people who really disgust me are the ones who cross the road to avoid a bereaved person for fear of saying the wrong thing. or expect a show if stiff upper lip when actually the person wants to fucking scream and shout.

such a lazy cop out.

Well the ones who really disgust me are the ones who get on a coach to go and visit/gawp/have photos taken when people have died.

Agree Cat I wonder what the coach drivers think

youTheCat and WhitchWay of course that's despicable. never met anyone who has done that though. have you actually met people who actually do this or is that an urban myth.

coach tours to recent tragedies? really?