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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About eating out and tipping

525 replies

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 17/01/2014 20:25

I've just endured a meal with the inlaws and fil insisted on rounding the bill up - not to the nearest £10 but to the nearest £20 before splitting it out evenly between us all.

The meal was a set price the only thing that varied it was the drinks.

DH and I only had enough money for our share of the bill (tight month) and yet FIL would not accept this and nearly started a row saying we should pay the extra as it was for a tip, the service was shit tbh and didn't deserve one.

AIBU to be angry with FIL for insisting we spend more money than we had budgeted for a)because he got pissed as a fart and most of the bill was his drinks and b) for him rounding it up without asking

How do you deal with group meals and splitting the bill? This has really upset me as I'm now utterly skint

OP posts:

Catsize · 18/01/2014 09:32

Should clarify though - I wouldn't tip at all for bad service.

FraidyCat · 18/01/2014 09:39

People are pointlessly tying themselves in knots trying to explain why/why not to tip. There is no intrinsic logic to it, as someone said at the start, it is a cultural norm. You give a certain amount, for certain services only, because that is what is customary in the particular culture. The fact that it is customary means wages (and prices) will have factored into them an expectation that you will, so if you tip less than normal you are choosing to underpay, either as a comment on the service, or because you're mean.

British people are not meaner for having a culture of tipping less than Americans, and other nationalities who don't tip at all are not meaner than Brits. You need to fit in with whatever is normal in whatever country you're in. An American waiter might be insulted if you don't, a British one may be disappointed but unsurprised, a Japanese one would (I've heard) be insulted if you did tip.

I would prefer tipping to not exist. I find giving another adult a somewhat arbitrary amount of money that is supposed to depend on how servile/obsequious/fake-friendly they are deeply uncomfortable. I'm not normally a class-warrior, but tipping adults seems to me to put me into an intrinsically insulting/patronising relationship with them.

overthemill · 18/01/2014 09:40

Tips are optional in UK. Staff get min wage which will be the same as for retail staff, for example. I worked as waitress in English Heritage cafe and was not allowed to accept tips.

I usually add about 30p to coffee for tip if served at table and maybe add £3 to bill for say, lunch. It DH and I eat out, rate, we add £5 to bill no matter how much. It is only in last couple of years I've felt able to afford to tip. I never tip in hairdressers (tho rarely go!). In a taxi I add extra up to nearest £ or extra 50p if very close to it.

Tipping is an extra and not compulsory. I do get fed up with people who look down on those who don't feel they can afford it. By eating a meal in a restaurant you are contributing to the economy in itself

MrsKoala · 18/01/2014 09:50

if the service is bad i would reduce the tip. i always start with the expectation of tipping 10-15% then it would get knocked down accordingly. I would always tip a few pennies. When i was in Canada i was told to do this for bad service, so they know you didn't just forget to tip or are unaware tipping is the norm - you actively only thing the service was worth pennies. Then they know why.

Also i have still tipped for bad food and great service. I just remove the cost of the food from the bill and let them know why - i would only do this if i had complained about the food during the meal and it hadn't been adequately rectified.

StealthPolarBear · 18/01/2014 09:51

"Would the waitress rather be out of a job because people didn't eat in their restaurant as they couldn't afford the tip or still be paid the normal amount and not get a tip."
Exactly Lucy. We had plenty of people who had obviously come to spend an exact amount of money (we had a 3 course meal deal which was about £6.95 ) and that was fine. Or we had festival workers who were given vouchers to get their lunches from us - we were run off our feet with a restaurant full of people who weren't going to tip - fine!

NicknameIncomplete · 18/01/2014 09:59

That is absolute bollocks - if you dont tip you shouldnt eat out/get your haircut etc.

I pay the bill and thats all i need to do.

Those who tip would you go into a clothes shop and pay more than the price tag? If not, why not?

MrsKoala · 18/01/2014 10:01

I think the main problem with tipping in the UK is that people cannot decide if it's the social norm or not - as on this thread. There are some of us who believe it is - just like in the states (but possibly less - i doubt i'd tip 20% here). And there are some who don't recognise it as the norm at all. In other cultures it is a definite what you should do and the majority accepts this. I think we are definitely moving towards this becoming expected whether people like it or not (in fact i'd say we were there already). Therefore, it is part of the fabric of the culture you live itn, yes it's arbitrary if you think about it - but then so are wages in general as far as i'm concerned. So i think that if you don't fit in with the norm, you are not some hero class warrior, you are someone who knows what is expected but still bucks the trend because you think the rules society has decided on don't apply to you. You then are picking and choosing which ones you want to follow.

StealthPolarBear · 18/01/2014 10:02

Yes, I always thought a tip was a voluntary addition to the bill to show particular gratitude. Apparently not

Only1scoop · 18/01/2014 10:03

If you have waitressed you always tip....although I did before also.

MrsKoala · 18/01/2014 10:04

Those who tip would you go into a clothes shop and pay more than the price tag? If not, why not?

Because it isn't our societal norm to do that and you would look strange. This is the reason i hate holidays in Morocco/Egypt/Turkey because i fucking hate haggling. I accept it is there cultural norm tho. But would you go into a shop here and try to knock the price down? When in Rome and all that.

wowfudge · 18/01/2014 10:05

Nothing to do with the OPs post but something worth bearing in mind with tipping is that the money doesn't necessarily go to the person who served you, especially if you have added the tip to a card payment. Usually best to leave cash they can pick up themselves. Some people choose not to tip as they say you don't know who gets the money. It would be good if restaurants, etc put their tipping policy on their website and/or menu so diners know.

Some places pool the tips and pay them out proportionately to all the staff involved. This can mean, for example, that the person washing up in the kitchen gets something too. After all it is a team effort. Unfortunately, in some places, the owner takes everything and the staff, if they are lucky, get a small proportion.

StealthPolarBear · 18/01/2014 10:07

scoop, you're wrong. I usually do but don' have a blanket "always" rule

Only1scoop · 18/01/2014 10:08

Op you said up thread that "mainly down to funds" was the reason for non tipping. If that wasn't the case would you tip more often? Ifind it strange that you have waitressed and still don't leave a tip.

MrsKoala · 18/01/2014 10:11

Stealth, not sure about the face. You can not agree, but it doesn't make it not increasingly so. It is not now a voluntary addition. It is expected unless you get bad service. That's just the way it is, whether you like it or not.

Have you eaten in Giraffe recently? I did and the server came over and said 'we have put 12.5% service charge on, are you happy to pay this?' If i'd said no i would have been asked why. Because unless there is a reason (ie bad food/service) then it is expected. If i did the speech from Resevoir Dogs, i wouldn't look like an insightful maverick, i would look like a twat who couldn't accept societal norms.

SPsMrLoverManSHABBA · 18/01/2014 10:11

People actually work out a percentage? I normally just round it up or if I have change on me, add that. Can be £2 to £5. I usually go with a friend so we tip the same amount each. It depends on the service.

In Pizza Hut the waitress didn't charge me for my sons buffet as she didn't think I we had eaten enough to cover my buffet! I tipped her and then gave her the money she saved me on the kids buffet.

Taxi drivers I tip to the nearest £1

Only1scoop · 18/01/2014 10:12

Well maybe generalising my feelings on the subject.... but after slogging my guts out as a student waitressing I certainly prefer to tip....
My tips upgraded my diet for the week from Pot Noodle on toast.
I wouldn't tip for unfriendly service but generally I would feel awful not to leave a tip.

scottishmummy · 18/01/2014 10:16

If you don't tip don't eat out,what utter rot.i tip if service adequate,if not no tip
Tipping is not automatic part of going out,it's the voluntary contribution one makes if happy
If others immediately factor in Tipping asautinatic that's their choice, I don't.nor will I

And I was waitress at uni, and that doesn't mean I automatically tip

persimmon · 18/01/2014 10:16

A French waiter once followed me and a friend out of a café (in Britain) to ask why we hadn't tipped him. Hmm - because we waited ages for our food and you sneered at us, maybe?

Carriemoo · 18/01/2014 10:18

I don't tip anyone. I work in a low paid role and just do not have the money to tip people who probably earn more than I do. Do waitresses also have to tell the tax man on tips? Or do they just pocket them?

StealthPolarBear · 18/01/2014 10:18

TBH MrsK I eat out so rarely now that I probably shouldn't have an opinion on this. but if you're right I do find it s real shame.

No, never been to Giraffe, I'm not aware that there's one anywhere near me, and no idea what sort of food it sells (presumably not giraffe??). I've also never seen Resevoir Dogs :o

NicknameIncomplete · 18/01/2014 10:18

Who decided that it was the social norm to tip restaraunt staff/hairdressers/bin men but not retail workers/railway workers/nurses/hospital cleaners?

MrsKoala · 18/01/2014 10:19

SPs - i think the reason % is fairer is because in our experience the cheaper the meal the quicker you are. SO high turn over of lots of fivers works out the same as someone lingering for 3 hours over a meal and leaving a £30 tip.

A group of us went out for a birthday meal and the bill was about £1500, we took up half the restaurant and spent 5 hours there. If we'd have got up and left a fiver each they would have been really fucked off - we would have cost them money on keeping the table occupied.

scottishmummy · 18/01/2014 10:20

Gosh if someone on tight budget no I don't expect they need to tip

MrsKoala · 18/01/2014 10:21

A general zeitgeist Nickname. That's the way society evolves. no real rhyme or reason.

SaucyJack · 18/01/2014 10:22

Where the f*ck were you eating that £1500 for five hours wasn't already a hugely massive amount of money to spend?

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