About eating out and tipping

[Normalisavariantofcrazy]

I've just endured a meal with the inlaws and fil insisted on rounding the bill up - not to the nearest £10 but to the nearest £20 before splitting it out evenly between us all.

The meal was a set price the only thing that varied it was the drinks.

DH and I only had enough money for our share of the bill (tight month) and yet FIL would not accept this and nearly started a row saying we should pay the extra as it was for a tip, the service was shit tbh and didn't deserve one.

AIBU to be angry with FIL for insisting we spend more money than we had budgeted for a)because he got pissed as a fart and most of the bill was his drinks and b) for him rounding it up without asking

How do you deal with group meals and splitting the bill? This has really upset me as I'm now utterly skint

Saucy, there could have been 30 of them!
That said, if you linger you tend to drink more (alcohol and coffee) which is where restaurants make their money. SO I take your point but still think they'll have made proportionately more money out of you because you hung around (unless you were all on the tap water :))

TBH I admit I was surprised if a huge group of people obviously on a "big night out" didn't tip. But I was equally as surprised by the family of four who came in almost every week for their tea and left £20.

Well i dont follow every social norm and will not be bullied into it either.

Tipping is voluntary.

Some flash gaff in Putney/Barnes for my dad's 50th birthday. It was about 19 years ago now. It was very nice tho. We drank a lot of expensive wine too. Iirc at the Glasshouse in Kew we paid £80 alone for table water

On holiday in the US this summer, a waiter said to us at the end of the meal "if you think I gave you bad service you give 15%, for good service you give 20%, for really great service it is 25%" whilst helpfully writing this down on our bill by circling the numbers .. I signed the credit card slip and left 20%, I then saw the waiter storming up and down, obviously very upset with us for 'only' leaving 20%. leaves a sour taste. We also had tour guides routinely saying they expect tips at 20% as part of their patter, just makes things very awkward.

There were 12 of us Stealth.

And Nickname, i truly believe if you can't join in with societies expectations then you should opt out of joining in. You can't pick and choose what bits you like. Where would it end if everyone just ignored what was expected? CHAOS!!

I went out for a mates daughters birthday. Her family spent around £400. This was for 20 of us. They tipped half of what they spent.

Everyone just gave £10.

I don't do percentages as I only go with a friend and its no more than £20 between us.

Olivia - you were possibly in a state where they don't get paid. they work the tables for free and live on the tips. They get taxed on them too. So they could be taxed on earning 20% on every table they cover. If you give less than that you actually cost them money to serve you. They kept crassly telling you to tip because they don't expect brits to understand this and to see it as a gratuity rather than the cost of eating out.

I tip in restaurants, and bars, and taxi drivers. Hairdressers. Oh, and my movers, when I moved house, as they were awesome.
If the service is bad, I don't tip, but I tell them why I'm not tipping. Decent service gets a routine 10%, and I factor in the tip as part of the budget.
One thing I noticed when waiting tables (here and abroad) is that British people are weirdly..offended by being waited on. They almost resent it. I don't know why, but I think that explains the very snotty attitude a lot of people here have towards tipping waiters.
Maybe its a hangover from the class system-people get anxious that the waiter might be earning more money than them?
I dunno, it's there anyway.

And Nickname, i truly believe if you can't join in with societies expectations then you should opt out of joining in. You can't pick and choose what bits you like. Where would it end if everyone just ignored what was expected? CHAOS!! grin

In all seriousness, take that statement and apply it to the Women's suffrage or Anti-Apartheid movements.

Obviously, tipping wait staff is hardly hurting them, but it is also not a practice that has any place in our reasonably-equal society in 21st century Britain.

Some of the comments that people on limited incomes shouldn't be allowed to eat out if they can't afford to give other people money for nothing are pretty offensive and discriminatory tbh.

If you're budgeting for the cost of a meal, a tip should be included.

I'd be embarrassed to not leave a tip, like it or not, it is the norm and not doing it is just mean. Waiting staff earn shit money and rely on tips. One of the reasons they are low paid is because they supplement their wage with their tips.

As young backpackers, we were given a lecture by a waiter in a New York deli where we'd left an inadequate tip. It's the societal norm there to leave about 20%.

No saucy - i disagree. Those things you mentioned had actual laws which could be changed, that is quite different to cultural etiquette. I would equate not tipping to wearing white to a wedding or something similar.

In Las Vegas waitresses in the casino gave us tips back as they said ur was too much!
DH is a big tipper but this was about 5 dollars when playing the tables and the free drinks for four of us. It happened a few times in different places and they all said a couple of dollars is more than enough.

In the UK, always tip unless service crap, 10% in restaurants round up a couple of pounds in smaller places.

Service charge on tables more than 6 usually is very much the norm in Scotland.

Your FIL wbu.

Mrs Koala, we were in Carmel, California. We also took a flight over the Grand Canyon, it must have cost about $450 for the four us, pilot was very nice, but made it clear he was expecting a tip too.. I'm sure he is paid and doesn't subsist on tips alone. It was a really uncomfortable negative of our holiday. Also the surly, rude service at our hotel in LV at breakfast, we were paying (i.e. not included in our hotel cost), it was buffet, the staff literally gave you water, and the bill at the end.. we paid the 20% because I didn't want a scene, but I resented it to be honest because they were slow, rude and unhelpful. For the record in the UK I do tip, unless I have had incredibly bad/rude service. I have also felt embarrassed when in a group when everyone puts in their share and there isn't much for a tip, considering the number of people in our party, and have left extra to make it up..

MrsKoala why should i opt out of society just because i dont follow every 'norm'.

I follow the laws of this country, i am polite, well mannered and respectful of others. That is all that i need to be.

I dont feel the need to be pressured into something that isnt the law and that i dont need to do.

@spsMrLoverMan "People actually work out a percentage?"

Blimey it's pretty easy to work out 10 or 20%, no?

Even the much vaunted 12.5% on this thread is simple - work out 10%, add half again to get 15% and chose the mid point between the two for 12.5%

I never said it was difficult. I just don't do it myself. I tip with whatever I have or feel like doing. Sometimes more or sometimes less. I don't spend more then £20 between 2 so 10% would be £1 as only half the bill is mine.

Tipping isn't the norm though. My DB owns a restaurant and as I said is happy with between £1 per head and 10%. It all goes to the staff (shared with kitchen) on the basis that it rewards them for the good service and care which encourages customers back.

However he says that only 70% tip. Regulars often don't tip but then give hefty tips at random intervals and at Christmas.

Because NIckname - you are not special. No one IMO gets to cherry pick which part of a culture they take part in. What will happen is society will shun you if it doesn't think you are adhering to it's rules. It is a kind of social dictatorship and a way of bringing you in line. Whether you like it or not, it is there. Iirc Tocqueville wrote about this as how a free society instills it's norms. Not saying it's right. Just this is what happens and society doesn't like deviation from what it likes. We are very Borg like in that respect.

I hate enforced etiquette and stifling one must rules
Fortunately tipping is a pleasant option if satisfied it's not obligatory
And I won't be instructed to opt in,out on basis of stifling etiquette

I disagree Starlight, i consider if 70% of people regularly do something then that is the norm imo.

I worked as a waitress in my youth (West Country) and although it was never "expected" that people would tip, it did happen quite often and was a welcome bonus at the end of a busy night. Most places I worked put all tips into a central "kitty" which was shared out equally to all staff at the end of the day, including kitchen staff.

I always tip about 10% of a meal bill. But your FIL was being a prick.

Well that's where you differ from a lot of humanity Scottish (not for the first time i'm sure). Cultures develop their own etiquette precisely because people feel more comfortable knowing what the social expectations are. I for one love the rules.

Fortunately koala I'm not bound to your spurious rules or made up statistic
You follow your 70% rule if you want to. Baaaaa
Btw 70% people are carnivore,should the minority vegetarian eat meat to conform with 70% majority?

Applying your 70% is norm that must be followed,bf rates well below 30%
Should the bf follow the formula feeding norm to confirm with 70% norm
It's a shame you're so dictatorial and intolerant of difference that you set rigid rule on what is normative