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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About eating out and tipping

525 replies

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 17/01/2014 20:25

I've just endured a meal with the inlaws and fil insisted on rounding the bill up - not to the nearest £10 but to the nearest £20 before splitting it out evenly between us all.

The meal was a set price the only thing that varied it was the drinks.

DH and I only had enough money for our share of the bill (tight month) and yet FIL would not accept this and nearly started a row saying we should pay the extra as it was for a tip, the service was shit tbh and didn't deserve one.

AIBU to be angry with FIL for insisting we spend more money than we had budgeted for a)because he got pissed as a fart and most of the bill was his drinks and b) for him rounding it up without asking

How do you deal with group meals and splitting the bill? This has really upset me as I'm now utterly skint

OP posts:
steff13 · 18/01/2014 01:59

There is a lower minimum wage for tipped employees in the US. Tipping waitstaff is just a matter of course here. I tip 20% for average service, 30% for excellent service.

I tip my regular stylist 30%. On the occasion that the salon owner cuts my hair, I don't tip; you're not meant to tip a salon owner. We also tip food delivery people, the paper boy, movers, etc.

frillyflower · 18/01/2014 06:31

I'll say it again. If you are too mean to leave a tip don't eat out.

frillyflower · 18/01/2014 06:34

And don't get a taxi, stay in a hotel and have your hair done either! And don't do the "but I didn't have any wine" thing either.

Loathe tightfistedness. Sign of a mean spirit in my opinion. Just saying ..

Bodicea · 18/01/2014 06:49

Sorry but I used to work in a care home on minimum wage and I never got a tip. I don't get why waiters deserve a tip for just doing their job. It's not exactly the toughest job in the world. They should try working in a care home some time. We have a minimum wage in this country. I do tip usually but not usually 10%. What's this rubbish about if you can't afford a tip don't eat out? That is mean spirited!

Bowlersarm · 18/01/2014 06:52

I rarely tip though

YABVU.

Stop going out to eat if you can't afford it.

Bowlersarm · 18/01/2014 06:54

Oh sorry didn't realise I was echoing frillyflower.

Totally agree frilly, meanness is a horrible trait.

LtEveDallas · 18/01/2014 06:57

I always tip in restaurants, even ones like the Toby Carvery (although there I tend to just round up rather than give 10%)

I tip the hairdresser, taxi driver, guy that delivers my Chinese takeaway (again by rounding up)

I give gifts to the bin men, regular postie, milkman (usually food - I bake a lot of biscuits at Xmas)

I always tip on holidays - in fact we purposely change £100 or so into small notes just for that. It definately improves the service (drinks by the pool etc). I also leave a couple of tips for cleaning staff during the 2 weeks, and whatever small change we have left on the last day (got into trouble for that once in Cuba, apparently the change we left was more than the maids monthly wage and she chased after us because she thought we'd left it by accident - she was in tears thinking we would accuse her of stealing Sad)

I budget to do this. Always factor in a tip no matter what. Yes, if the service was shocking I'll not do it, but the fact that I'm eating/drinking out and not having to do it myself is a bonus, so it would have to be really bad for me not to do it.

frillyflower · 18/01/2014 07:08

Ugh! So just because you have had a job where you didn't get tips you feel justified in not tipping poorly paid people who have been waiting on you.

Short arms long pockets I reckon. Nice!

StealthPolarBear · 18/01/2014 07:09

Another former waitress saying it's really not that hard! I wouldn't put it in the same category as HCA and TA!
Also, and this might have been where I worked - cheap and cheerful, our tips ranged from zero, up through round the bill up to the nearest fiver, to people who would calculate exactly 10%. Didn't bother me, unless I felt they would have tipped but withheld it because they weren't happy. We had loads of people in who clearly didn't have much to spend and simply wanted to pay for what they had - and why shouldn't they?

StealthPolarBear · 18/01/2014 07:14

Just like to point out I do tip.
although I always hate tipping hairdressers - how do you know who the owner is (do they wear a badge?) - I always think they think I'm mad and I must be the only person to do this.

Walkacrossthesand · 18/01/2014 07:17

For me, the 'splitting the bill' thing is about fairness, not mean-ness. It's really not difficult for each diner/couple to keep a rough tally of their consumption and chip in that amount at the end - it usually at least covers the bill, because everyone tends to round up except when one tightwad is sitting on their hands hoping the total will be enough without their contribution and then the extra few quid is thrown in for a tip. I never end up paying less than I consumed with the 'splitting' method, and I only suggest it if I'm eating with one or two friends, I know I have more spare cash than them and I want to subsidise their meal discreetly. So I guess the reverse must be true when a steak-ordering, wine swilling group member says 'let's spilt the bill' - they know perfectly well they'll benefit, making them the stingy one while making the likes of me out to be tightwads.

frillyflower · 18/01/2014 07:43

Oh god this thread is depressing.

You know when you are supposed to tip. Just do it. Meanness is an utterly vile trait.

StealthPolarBear · 18/01/2014 07:44

I do. But I don't judge those who don't. And I do think it's unfair that waiters get tips when people in jobs I consider a lot more responsible but on a similar salary do not get tips.

DontmindifIdo · 18/01/2014 08:05

Just to add to the "why should I tip a waitress as I don't tip nurses" argument- I know a few nurses who work in private hospitals, it is completely normal for them to be given cash tips or gifts by patients. I guess it's the nhs being "free" that removes the idea of money changing hands.

thedogwakesuptoodamnearly · 18/01/2014 08:45

What's the form for tipping the person that washes your hair? Straight after while still dripping, or at end? I have a terrible memory for faces and struggle to pick them out Blush

pigletmania · 18/01/2014 08:50

Yanbu at all, your fil sounds like a tight arse, your having a tight month he should have put his hand in his pocket. If you were not happy with the service, you don't have to tip!

pigletmania · 18/01/2014 08:51

Frilly yes I would agree, but op said the service was rubbish, so shouldn't have to tip, or give a minimal tip

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 18/01/2014 09:07

I know a few nurses who work in private hospitals, it is completely normal for them to be given cash tips or gifts by patients. I guess it's the nhs being "free" that removes the idea of money changing hands

Nurses aren't allowed to accept cash! It part of our code of conduct. If people are doing this they shouldn't be, even on the private side. We are only allowed to tell people that can give donations to the ward.

I wouldn't tip if it was rubbish service and I disagree with 12.5% being stuck on the bill, it should be my decision.

Whoever said that a fiver per person isn't much extra, seriously?

Original poster
Normalisavariantofcrazy · 18/01/2014 09:09

I think some people must be living on a wage far in excess of my own!

A fiver per person is a huge amount for my family!!

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 18/01/2014 09:11

Op also tells in her second post how she only took exactly the right amount out, as she knew how much the 'set menu' was.
So even if the service had been wonderful ....no tip there I'm afraid

MrsKoala · 18/01/2014 09:18

Volestair - our bin men knock on the door at xmas usually to 'say happy xmas'. This is when people are supposed to tip. When i was younger i just said 'oh, right. Er, happy xmas too' and shut the door. Mum came down the stairs and asked who was at the door and i told her she got all animated and told me off for not getting her so she could tip them. She then made me chase them down the street.

As for tipping hair washers. I do it at the end when i pay. I say to the receptionist 'can you give this to the girl who washed my hair' and there are boxes on the desk and she puts it it in and says she will tell her. I think giving it straight to them is a little awkward.

We also 'tip' removers and people who delivery heavy goods. We call it 'giving them a drink'. I'm not sure if it's something working class/cockney, but i got it from my family who all do this too. So when we last moved we handed the guys (who had been brilliant) £300 and then an extra £20 each and said 'thanks a lot, get yourselves a drink on us'. So if someone does a good job at our house it's common for one of us to say 'make sure you give him a drink when you pay' to the other. We don't mean offer tea, we mean bung a bit extra in his bin. I also do this with the cleaner if the house is particularly messy/we called her at short notice.

StealthPolarBear · 18/01/2014 09:22

I assume the £300 was the the furniture removal??

Catsize · 18/01/2014 09:29

To round up to the nearest £10 would seem a bit mean when there are four adults. You sound a bit like the 'but I didn't have a starter' brigade, which as the veggie who is usually not drinking winds me up a treat. When out with friends and family, I don't understand why people aren't prepared to spend a few extra quid over what they personally consumed. The other people who wind me up are those who leave early and leave money on the table with the words 'that should cover my share' when it blatantly doesn't.
As someone said up thread, just don't go out if feeling a bit skint - you will only resent the situation, as you have done OP.

Lucylouby · 18/01/2014 09:29

Just because I don't normally tip, does not mean I have short arms and long pockets. It means my family is on a budget. We don't eat out every month because we can't afford it. We would eat out even less if we had to add a tip onto the bill. Would the waitress rather be out of a job because people didn't eat in their restaurant as they couldn't afford the tip or still be paid the normal amount and not get a tip. I am sure we are not the only family in the country who has to make the decision not to tip based on their own economic position.

When I was a waitress it was great to get tips, but we certainly didn't expect them. I was paid to do a job and I did it well regardless of if the person I was serving was a known tipper or not.

MrsKoala · 18/01/2014 09:31

stealth - yes.