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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About eating out and tipping

525 replies

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 17/01/2014 20:25

I've just endured a meal with the inlaws and fil insisted on rounding the bill up - not to the nearest £10 but to the nearest £20 before splitting it out evenly between us all.

The meal was a set price the only thing that varied it was the drinks.

DH and I only had enough money for our share of the bill (tight month) and yet FIL would not accept this and nearly started a row saying we should pay the extra as it was for a tip, the service was shit tbh and didn't deserve one.

AIBU to be angry with FIL for insisting we spend more money than we had budgeted for a)because he got pissed as a fart and most of the bill was his drinks and b) for him rounding it up without asking

How do you deal with group meals and splitting the bill? This has really upset me as I'm now utterly skint

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 18/01/2014 00:15

Good fir you,I'll tip well if satisfied,if not satisfied i won't tip
I'm under no compulsion to tip, just because
That's not stingey in least,it's reflection of my satisfaction with transaction

ilovesooty · 18/01/2014 00:15

Well then, SM, you're being quite consistent, aren't you? Grin

EmmaFreudsGivingMeJip · 18/01/2014 00:17

yanbu to not tip.

I hate the expectation of leaving a tip in this country. I have been a waitress on nmw (all tips went in the till, never saw them again) and i've been a cleaner on nmw. Neither job was particularly taxing, it was just tiring being on your feet for hours. I never expected anyone to tip me as it was my job and I got paid a wage to do it.
I'm now in a job that doesn't pay much more than nmw but is a lot more demanding and some days exhausting despite sitting in an office all day. I provide a public service and I do it well; should I expect a tip? No, i'm just giving my work 100%.

Susyb30 · 18/01/2014 00:17

I agree if you want to be a tight arse and not tip..you shouldnt go out for meals. Obviously you wouldn't tip for bad service, but tipping has always been a part of good service, shop assistants etc may well get discounts, bonuses to help the meagre wages they get. I would be mortified if I was out with someone and they didn't want to tip! (0h and it won't do you any favours when it comes to getting nice tables and sending food back) staff remember all the miserable customers. ..

ilovesooty · 18/01/2014 00:17

Thank you, MrsKoala - that's exactly what I meant.

Andro · 18/01/2014 00:18

No.life depends on critical interventions not a dinner delivered well

That's the thing though, the waiter/waitress does a lot more than just deliver my meal to my table. They are the ones who check what is in any given starter/main/dessert for me, failure to do this accurately can have life-threatening consequences so yes, when I eat out, I'm very much dependent on that job being done right.

scottishmummy · 18/01/2014 00:19

I'm under no compulsion to tip,and it's not mandatory part of eating out

scottishmummy · 18/01/2014 00:21

No andro,waitress is not a staff nurse,it's not critical
If you're alluding to significant allergy etc the person wholly responsible is you
Not the waiting staff

EmmaFreudsGivingMeJip · 18/01/2014 00:21

Should we be leaving a tip for the chef as well as the server then? Since they are also on their feet for hours..

JanetSnakehole · 18/01/2014 00:25

Having lived in the US for a very long time, tipping 15-20% is second nature, it's just what you do. I can count on one hand how many times I've had bad service over the years. It's a very different level of service in the UK, I have noticed.

Susyb30 · 18/01/2014 00:28

No chef would expect shares of tips..usually paid more than front of house staff, and they don't have to take all the crap from the customers

scottishmummy · 18/01/2014 00:29

Chef takes pressure of meal cooked timely manner,on budget,many covers
If meal sent back or not liked its chef responsibility,not waitress

NicknameIncomplete · 18/01/2014 00:31

I dont tip anyone and i dont buy presents for teachers either.

Everyone gets paid to do their job and it should be done well regardless of getting a tip or not.

I pay for my food in a restaurant, i pay for someone to cut my hair, i pay for the taxi driver to take me where i have asked to go why should i give them more than it states on the pricelist.

GroupieGirl · 18/01/2014 00:35

As I said way up thread, I have been in the service industry for years - as has my husband. Neither of us are particularly generous tippers in restaurants, and whilst we might offer a bartender a drink if we have enjoyed their company, neither of us usually tip for anything other than table service. The majority of our co-workers hold similar attitudes (to the best of my knowledge).

However, the comparisons that everyone is making with teachers, nurses, care workers etc. have forgotten one vital component.

It is unethical for a nurse to accept cash from a patient's family as that could lead to horrendous compromises in care in the long run; poor people, homeless people, those without a generous family, those without any family - would they see less of their nurse? THIS is why we don't tip nurses (and teachers, and anyone else doing these sorts of caring jobs).

It is not unethical for me, at work, to ignore the drunk, stingy bastards in favour of the lovely, generous ones, and adjust my service accordingly.

It is, however, unprofessional, so I don't do it. Grin

Oh, and for the pp who asked why we don't tip the chefs? We do - most restaurants have systems in place where the chefs, KPs, and bartenders take a percentage. Just don't get me started on salaried managers taking a cut when they receive bonuses as well.

Susyb30 · 18/01/2014 00:42

Im sorry but I think if you don't tip or buy presents for teachers etc then that makes you a bit of a skinflint. Hey its nice to show your appreciation

scottishmummy · 18/01/2014 00:45

Appreciation originates from satisfaction,it's not automatic or assumed one will be appreciative
I'm under no compulsion to give because it's done thing
That's etiquette and forced manners,that one must give,must be seen to be naice

NicknameIncomplete · 18/01/2014 00:50

I show my appreciation by being polite and thanking them and returning if i enjoyed the food and service. There are other ways to show appreciation.

scottishmummy · 18/01/2014 00:50

Why teachers suzy?why must one give gift
Many school have limit on amount gift teacher can receive,or must declare
They generally try avoid conspicuous or competitive parental giving,it can disadvantage other less well off

Not bothered if that considered skinflint

NicknameIncomplete · 18/01/2014 00:54

And why would i buy presents for teachers.

I make sure my dd is at school on time, in her uniform, and that her homework is done on time and everything else that is required of me. Isnt that a way of showing my appreciation of the teacher.

My SIL is a teacher and most of the gifts get thrown out or donated.

Susyb30 · 18/01/2014 01:02

You dont have to buy expensive gifts for teachers, of course I totally agree with you not everyone has spare cash for that, and nobody should ever feel they are expected to give something! I guess my point is if you are out for a meal and receive good service its the done thing really to tip! As for buying presents to show appreciation to teachers, why not? Doesn't have to cost a lot and its a lovely thing to do.my ds was so excited about handing a box of chocs to his nursery teachers! Its nice to be nice! !

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKaleesi · 18/01/2014 01:05

YANBU

your fil sounds rude and bossy, I hope you didn't give in to him

I hate the pressure to tip, I absolutely disagree that it should be almost 'compulsory'. That being said I do tip, not huge amounts because I can't afford it but I tip in restaurants, taxi drivers, bin men, hairdressers because I like to, I would not do it if I felt I'd had bad service and I wouldn't like to be forced to do it

I have done waitressing and was glad for any tips, I've also done care work at minimum wage and no one ever gave me tips for that and the care work was a lot lot lot harder. I'm not saying I expected tips in that job but it did make me a teeny bit Hmm that someone would give me a quid for carrying a coffee to them but nothing for sitting with their dying mother all night or being punched in the face by their grandfather while trying to clean up his excrement before it damaged his skin. I'm not moaning, I chose both jobs (they both paid the same), but it just seems like a bit of an odd situation Smile

scottishmummy · 18/01/2014 01:05

Look,if I'm happy I'll tip.if not I won't
No one is automatically deserving of tip/gift

Suelford · 18/01/2014 01:28

I never really understood why tips were based on a percentage, rather than a set amount per plate, drink, etc.

There's no difference in the work required for an expensive meal vs a cheap meal, but the tip would reward the server much better for the same work.

volestair · 18/01/2014 01:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Merlotmonster · 18/01/2014 01:45

tbh..you sound tight fisted.. so he rounded it to £20..assuming there was a minimum of 4 of you , that's a fiver extra per person...hardly worth moaning about..

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