About eating out and tipping

[Normalisavariantofcrazy]

I've just endured a meal with the inlaws and fil insisted on rounding the bill up - not to the nearest £10 but to the nearest £20 before splitting it out evenly between us all.

The meal was a set price the only thing that varied it was the drinks.

DH and I only had enough money for our share of the bill (tight month) and yet FIL would not accept this and nearly started a row saying we should pay the extra as it was for a tip, the service was shit tbh and didn't deserve one.

AIBU to be angry with FIL for insisting we spend more money than we had budgeted for a)because he got pissed as a fart and most of the bill was his drinks and b) for him rounding it up without asking

How do you deal with group meals and splitting the bill? This has really upset me as I'm now utterly skint

Oooh! I think I've got it! There are sooo many comments on here that imply that waiters/restaurants are trying to con us, to get one over on people. It's really bizarre! yes, restaurants try and sell the more expensive stuff on the menu, and yes, sometimes they add a service charge without being transparent about it, but there are slightly dodgy practices in all industries.
There is a definite discomfort and mistrust of wait staff in particular, and I honestly think that it's because, while ordinary working folk may go to restaurants now, they don't actually feel entitled to be served, so they get all uptight about it (and there are some amazingly uptight comments on here).It's as if the chambermaid is suddenly invited to take tea in the sitting room, but is super paranoid that the scullery maid is going to wee in her Darjeeling to bring her down a peg or two.
In countries less stifled by class, people are more comfortable with it, and far less suspicious.

I don't know whether anyone has noticed this, but if you are regular anywhere, and you always tip something you get better service

For about 10 years DH suffered the Boss From Hell IfNotNowThenWhen. That was the only good lesson he learned. His boss wasn't interested in being nice but he was very interested in being made a fuss of.

DH learned plenty of other things about how not to do business, so his time there wasn't entirely wasted

I hate the whole concept of tipping. Waitresses get tipped but shop assistants don't. I work on a food counter and I basically do the same job as a waitress - I take orders, serve food, check for allergens and religious/dietary issues that might come up, and I'm not ALLOWED to accept a tip. Whereas the waitress in the restaurant two doors down earns the same hourly rate as me and gets tipped for her troubles. I don't get it.

Why are some jobs considered worthy of tips but others aren't? - I think nurses and care assistants do a much harder job and work longer, more anti-social hours than anyone in the hospitality industry, but they recieve nothing extra. It makes no sense.

At the risk of coming over as a stalker IfNotNowThenWhen I agree again .

It's not just waiting staff. DH works in retail. The number of people who believe shop staff try to con you out of your hard-earned cash when they're just doing their jobs by showing you the stock and suggesting things you might like but hadn't noticed...

And then there are those snooty bastards who are obviously judging you and finding you wanting by looking you in the eye, smiling and saying: 'Good afternoon, Madam.'

When I deal with an NHS nurse who smiles, is helpful, polite and kind I always write to the hospital and send cakes/biscuits. Unfortunately that happens less and less. Perhaps we should be allowed to tip - it might just improve the service.

while ordinary working folk may go to restaurants now, they don't actually feel entitled to be served, so they get all uptight about it

I don't think it's the customers who have an attitude problem. It's quite clear on here from a large proportion of the former waiting staff that have commented that there is an expectation that the customer should be paying over and above the cost of their meal for waitresses doing their job providing good service, and I expect a lot of people would rather not have staff fussing about them angling for tips.

This thread is horrible. I can't believe people would think I'm mean and a skinflint for not wanting to pay extra for a meal. I actually do usually leave a tip but thinking about it that's just out of awkwardness, I don't think it's usually deserved.

NearTheWindmill I have to say, it's hilarious that you wrote an entire post listing the difficulties of a waitressing job (being on your feet for hours, dealing with perverts and making sure you remembered orders) but are now making snide comments about nursing staff.

" I expect a lot of people would rather not have staff fussing about them angling for tips."
But your perception of what is happening there may not be entirely accurate SaucyJack
Could it be that the waiter is just trying to do a good job?

limited I am sure you are not!

"I actually do usually leave a tip but thinking about it that's just out of awkwardness, I don't think it's usually deserved."

I really think that all of these comments are proving my point RE class discomfort.
i'm going to write a book. I'll call it "How Dare you ask if I'm being served"
or maybe "No, you may not take my coat. What are you after?"

I expect part of the confusion is that the culture for London is different to the rest of the country (except maybe some snooty parts in the south east). In the north tipping certainly isn't obligatory, although its not uncommon either.

I live in the north west and have always tipped, as have my parents and their parents before them. I would be mortified if people I had eaten with at a restaurant did not want to leave a tip and I have never found myself in this situation thank god. Mind you I just wouldn't be friends with someone who was mean, it's such a horrible trait.
Also tip taxi drivers, hairdresser, take away delivery drivers and bar staff, as does everyone else I know.

See, I don't know anyone who tips taxi drivers unless it's to tell them to keep the change from the fare (ie. you owe £9.40 and give them a tenner). I also have never tipped a hairdresser or a takeaway driver in my life.

I do tip in restaurants occasionally, but I do resent having to pay staff extra for doing their jobs. Everyone should just be paid a living wage to start off with.

I bloody hate tipping .. I have worked minimum wage jobs and didn't expect money on top of doing my job . My dh insists on tipping but I never would if I was on my own and never 10% . Maybe a £1 or 2.... I'm not a tight person per se it just irks me ..

Oh and my late father drank a lot , if we went out or a meal we would drink water or soft drinks ( not really drinkers ) and he would pay for the drinks as it could be be up to £80 extra for posh wine !! Why should you pay for their bloody alcohol !!

See, I don't know anyone who tips taxi drivers unless it's to tell them to keep the change from the fare (ie. you owe £9.40 and give them a tenner)

Erm, yes. That's what's known as a tip!

Well, 60p or whatever isn't really a tip. I would consider a tip a few extra pounds, not just change because I can't be bothered to wait for him to find some coins!

I think tipping is becoming less common to be honest. We used to always tip our hairdresser, refuse men (at christmas), post man (christmas), waiters, taxi drivers etc.

I now only tip at restaurants where the service is very good and deserves it, and the post man (because I like him) and round up taxi fares to the nearest pound.

Rightly or wrongly it is because there is now a nmw and I thought tipping was expected in traditionally low paid jobs where the tips boosted the earnings to an ok wage. When I waitressed the expected tips were used to top up our earnings but that was before the nmw and we earned peanuts (but reasonable with tips).

I am genuinely interested to see if I am very very wrong to think like this though.

Be careful if you eat in Giraffe restaurants. They add a tip whether you want to pay one or not.

Ynbu on either point. I once worked as a waitress. Tipping is not compulsory in the uk. It has always been a personal preference & I hope it remains that way. I rarely tip. If I have had exceptional service then yes I will to show my appreciation that someone would appear to have gone above & beyond expectations. I never minded when people did not tip, even if it was clear they fully enjoyed the service they received. I was, and am, aware that some people were having a 'treat', that they could afford food & drink & nothing more. Why should they have to budget to supplement wages? To my mind it was my bosses responsibility to ensure I was adequately paid & I still feel that way today. Taxis I rarely use unless I have to, if I do I pay the fair only because I really cannot pay more. Hairdresser esp - so expensive! All I can afford is what they charge. Times are tight for most right now & will always be tight for some. It is the employers job to pay their staff. If self employed make sure you charge prices that don't rely on people volunteering to pay more to make ends meet.

Tell your fil you'll not be going out for meals with him again, or if you do ask to pay for your meal when you order - this is doable in many places or of course make very clear to him the bill is not to be split.

I give 10% but only if the service was good. I don't mean it has to be outstanding, but just that the waiter/waitress seemed to be making some kind of effort and there weren't any delays or forgotten items.

With hairdresser I leave £1.50 tip, basically rounding it up to the next £10. It only works out as a small percentage, but I think it's expensive enough already.

I find it hard to believe the people who say they've withheld the tip because of poor service in restaurants.

What do you want these people to do? A fucking tap dance?

I know it's been rehearsed earlier and I'm going to come over as a sheep, but I don't care. Tipping waiting staff is a convention and I do it.

It's been really rare that I've have such appalling service that I've withheld a tip. Actually just once, at The Red Fort in Soho, which had a good reputation, and I told them why.

At other times I've left the 12.5 per cent on the bill and never gone back.

At my favourite restaurants I often leave more. Funnily enough I've never had a problem getting a table, and a very good one. Usually at very short notice.

When I was single and used to use the same trusted minicab company I never had a problem getting a driver despite the fact that I was so disorganised I'd always call asking for a cab as soon as possible.

Absolutely guaranteed even when it was between 9pm and 11.30pm. In my naivete thought that was normal.

It was only when I made friends with a tightwad - who, incidentally had a sideline in insulting cab drivers - that I realised why she had difficulty getting a cab from her local firm.

I've withheld tips for shit service, and I think I'm quite a generous tipper.

Yes tipping waiting staff is a convention, and of course staff will remember the tight asses, thats just the way it is and funnily enough quite often the more money people have the more stingier they are at leaving tips, even if you are strapped for cash and enjoying a treat a tip of a pound is still a nice gesture, it doesn't have to be 10 percent and it will be appreciated.

Of course if service is bad then who would tip. Its happened to me and I explained why. Nobody's saying you should tip for bad service!

What do you want these people to do? A fucking tap dance?

I expect staff not to stand round chatting and suddenly be invisible when one customer on a table of eight is missing a main course and everyone else is sitting waiting for their food to come, then that one person has to wait until everyone else has finished to get their main course, because the order was taken down wrongly. And for staff to generally act the whole time like the customers are a bit of an inconvenience as they are interrupting their nice chat with their workmates. It wasn't busy or a case of being short-staffed, in fact they were ridiculously overstaffed. This was in an expensive London restaurant, not the local pub and a part of a day out that was meant to be a treat. So no, we didn't pay the "optional" 12.5% gratutity on that occasion and told them why.