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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to meet new gf before she meets children

114 replies

Hithere123 · 17/01/2014 09:13

Morning all. Just wondering if I am bu in wanting to meet my H new gf before she gets to meet my children. They haven't been together too long but I have agreed she can meet them as I would rather he didn't go behind my back and do it subject to me meeting her first. They were supposed to come last night but didn't show, no text phone call. My dc are 6 and 20 months.

OP posts:
Chocotrekkie · 17/01/2014 09:16

How would you feel if he insisted on meeting your new boyfriend first. If he then decided he didn't like him and so he didn't want the children to meet him ?

What would you do if you did meet her and didn't like her ?

justmakingdo · 17/01/2014 09:17

How would you feel if roles were reversed and your ex wanted to meet a new partner of your before you introduced him to your kids?
I think it depends really if you and him had an amicable split or not?

PedlarsSpanner · 17/01/2014 09:18

yes YABU but I do understand why you want to

Flowers
willyoulistentome · 17/01/2014 09:18

Sorry i don't think this is on. What will happen if you don't approve of her. Will you expect your ex to dump her? It's none of your business I'm afraid.
I agree ex needs to advise you they are going to meet the gf though.

Original poster
Hithere123 · 17/01/2014 09:21

He left me after Xmas. I wouldn't object to him meeting someone new in my children's lives. I am also 25 weeks preg so we are trying to keep things as nice as possible. I am their main carer and have been a sahm since I had them so finding it really hard to let them go to someone who is a total stranger to me.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 17/01/2014 09:23

Sorry YABU. Agree with other posters, how would you feel if the roles were reversed?

Yes it would be nice to meet her briefly but this does not need to be before she meets your children. It would seem as if you are checking her out. I do think you should be told when she is going to meet then though.

Your ex is also the parent and he should be trusted to judge when it's right for his children to meet his new partner. Just as you have this right for yourself in the future.

ChasingSquirrels · 17/01/2014 09:24

After Xmas - like 3 weeks ago??

You are being unreasonable to want to meet her first.

But he is being a total and utter idiot if, less that a month after your split, he wants to introduce his gf into their lives.

squeakytoy · 17/01/2014 09:24

Way too soon for them to be meeting her as the new girlfriend. He sounds an utter tosser.

PedlarsSpanner · 17/01/2014 09:24

It all sounds horribly hard, poor you

He's a catch, isn't he? for the girlfriend, I mean - a married man, two young children and another one on the way.

GlitzAndGiggles · 17/01/2014 09:24

You don't come across as too comfortable about the whole idea tbh

Flixy102 · 17/01/2014 09:25

I think you need to take a step back, trust your ex in his choice of new partner and let him introduce her to the children when they are ready. (Speaking from a step mothers perspective here).

He chose you, so presumably you agree that his taste in partners is good? Smile

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKaleesi · 17/01/2014 09:25

YABU

If it's something you both want to do then great, but otherwise yes YABU though I understand why. Anything like this is up to him, if you didn't like her you wouldn't have the right to interfere (unless your children were in danger of course) because it is down to his judgement

formerbabe · 17/01/2014 09:25

Oh that sounds like a dreadful situation for you. How long has he been with her if you don't mind me asking? As if they are not long term, should they even be meeting her yet?

GlitzAndGiggles · 17/01/2014 09:25

Oops sent too soon. If he's only been with her a few weeks how does he know she's going to stick around? Let him know you'd like to wait a bit so your kids aren't meeting various women

UriGeller · 17/01/2014 09:26

I can see your point and your need to have some sort of control over your children's potential step mum. Also that your pregnant and trying to keep amicable. I think therefore, YANBU in this case. I hope you all can get along and that she's a nice woman.

Finola1step · 17/01/2014 09:26

Sorry x post. So you split just a few weeks ago and he wants to introduce a new gf? Was she the ow? And your 25 weeks pregnant?

Actually, I can now understand your reticence. Not much you can do about it but I can see where you're coming from.

WilsonFrickett · 17/01/2014 09:26

You have a 6 mo and you are 6 months pregnant?

SaucyJack · 17/01/2014 09:27

Yes YABU, sorry.

He sounds like a tosser tho if that's any consolation.

UriGeller · 17/01/2014 09:28

Not control over her! I mean control over the situation Blush

UriGeller · 17/01/2014 09:29

Wilson, op is 6 months pregnant with a 6 year old and a 20 month old.

I think under the circumstances you should do whatever makes you happy!

Catsmamma · 17/01/2014 09:30

I am reading a 6 year old, a 20 month old and a 25wk pg.

I think you are being unrealistic....but it's certainly vexing to think the ex is going to be parading every bit of squeeze past the children.

Original poster
Hithere123 · 17/01/2014 09:31

I'm not happy about it in the slightest. Her meeting them after such a short time that is. But I feel like this is the only way h an deal with it. He has a always worked away and not really spent too much tine alone with them. I suppose I'm wanting to out off any potential problems ready for when the baby comes too. She is an ex if his friend who told us they they split because she couldn't deal with his dd

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 17/01/2014 09:32

YANBU to feel the way you do but unfortunately if he doesn't want to introduce you first, there's not a whole lot you can do about it.

If he introduces her on his contact time, that's it. It's done.

However, he is a massive cock for leaving you after Christmas and wanting to introduce them now (was she the OW?)

More worryingly; what do you mean they haven't come home? Does he still have them? Is he keeping them on purprose? Is your 6 year old gone to school??

WilsonFrickett · 17/01/2014 09:32

Oh! Yes I see that now Blush

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 17/01/2014 09:34

I would want to know how ex is planning on introducing the DC to the GF.

I wouldn't want them meeting a new GF every few weeks.

OK if he is planning on saying this is Claire and this is Daddy friend, but i wouldn't want them to be introduced as the new GF as it way to soon especially for the 6 year old