To want to meet new gf before she meets children

[Hithere123]

Morning all. Just wondering if I am bu in wanting to meet my H new gf before she gets to meet my children. They haven't been together too long but I have agreed she can meet them as I would rather he didn't go behind my back and do it subject to me meeting her first. They were supposed to come last night but didn't show, no text phone call. My dc are 6 and 20 months.

God how old is she? 16?!

I feel for you. Exh wanted to introduce his girlfriend after three weeks. Granted he knew her (she made a play for him before we were married, she was a sister of a friend) but I was livid - the kids were three and two. I held it off for a few weeks then was there when they all met. Worked out ok, they're still together years on, but exh was a tool. I've been with bf for six months and he didnt meet them till December when we were sure.

Sounds like she wanted to parade the little baby in a few weeks and play mummy. Also sounds like your ex has been lying to both of you! Twat.

harriet247

Yes my STBXH and I had a similar promise - and that's turned out to be a crock of shit. Sorry but people can't make promises like that.

Oh, yes! They all promise it when they are still with you. As soon as it's over and a new partner is in the picture, they conveniently forget or six months becomes too "unrealistic".

imagine being six years old, your daddy leaving before christmas and then a few weeks later expecting you to play happy nice to meet you with some woman he's shagging?!

what a dick.

Crikey, what a shitty situation for you to be in and your ex sounds like a total shithead. I don't think YABU in wanting to meet someone who is going to be in your (very young) DCs lives when they haven't even been in you ex-H life that long - how well can he even know her in a couple of months? Maybe if he'd been with her longer and you knew she was going to be a regular fixture then you wouldn't need to meet her.

Either that or let just HIM see them for the time being, you have no obligation to her he can spend the rest of the week with her. Why can't he spend quality time with them on his own until they come to terms with it all? ffs it is really, really soon, your poor 6yr old

Am also surprised so many see you as unreasonable, yes, you have no control over who he see's etc but also you have no obligation for visitation to fit in with his new found partnership - the kids come 1st and until they're settled, tough shit. I think CAB would recommend whatever fits in with them best so depends how they are about it.

I have lots of admiration for you OP, you've been far more gracious than I would have been whether it WB fucking U or not.

I can't believe the disregard he's showing to his unborn child let alone the other two! Putting this level of stress on a pregnant woman!? Yes if he wants to leave then so be it, but throwing a new woman into the mix so quickly and then all this. Twunt

i would also imagine that when faced with the reality of having to go and meet a pregnant wife and two small children for a man she'd been seeing for all of a fortnight she ran for the hills or gave him a swift wake up call. either that or she is as much of a twat as he is ffs.

imagine going and meeting the pregnant wife and children of a man you'd been seeing for a fortnight????

Op he has got 3 other kids aswell hasnt he.?

OP you deserve a medal for being so level headed and bloody responsible about this. My relationship ended about 3 weeks ago too and I wish I had half your poise and dignity. And you're pregnant too! Awful situation but you're handling it fantastically. Your children are very lucky to have you to look up to.

Say fine, don't have anything to do with the baby then.

Tell him you heard that she broke up with someone else because she didn't get on with his child so maybe if he's really keen on her he should just see the kids at his mothers or something and spend his energy on building his new relationship - he needs to make a real go of it yes?

Sound mad?

From what you've said my dear, I would lay bets on this man being out of your children's lives within two years, sadly. Don't worry about the gf. I doubt she will ever meet your new baby. And it may not be a popular thing to say but your children might well be better off if you encourage this tosser to move into a more uncle type role and do that well, rather than play fucked-up Daddy with a different step mummy on his arm every whip stitch.

But don't get wound up thinking the worst. This woman is meaningless. And as for the new baby, it'll be a good 18 months before overnights should even be considered.