To mention gifts in the christening invitation?

[Bankholidaybaby]

Not the invitation exactly - the information sheet I'm emailing to people who say they are coming. I wasn't going to write anything about presents, as that's not why we're having a christening, but then I thought: people are going to bring gifts so isn't it sensible to try to steer them in the right direction so that we don't get (as happened at my son's birth and at Christmas) clothes that are too small or too big but inappropriate for the weather when he'll fit into them.

I was thinking about putting something like: please don't feel you need to get the baby a gift - we invited you because we want to spend time with you, and share our baby's special day. If you do consider giving him a present, however, clothes for 6-9 months suitable for the spring, or 9-12 months for the summer would be very useful.

Or maybe I just say - if you'd like any ideas for presents, please ask me.

Or perhaps I don't say anything and hope things that don't fit are returnable.

Advice greatly appreciated.

Quintessential - we were genuinely happy for people to come to the christening and not bring a present at all. We were equally happy for guests to give DD small token gifts (and I have never been to a christening where most guests turn up without a present, and personally I would be embarrassed to do so). We were also happy for people to give cash - which admittedly not everyone is happy doing. But as, frankly, DD had a pretty crap start in her life and was unable to live with her birth parents, our family and friends understood why we wanted to do what we can so that our children have equal opportunities so far as possible in their lives. Including their "assets".

You can try an justify it in any way you want but the general consensus in this thread is that it is distasteful and off putting. You did ask.

Keep the invitation as a simple invite only. Yes you may end up with a million money boxes but so what, it's the thought that counts!!

agree you should not say anything about gifts, it looks too presumptuous.

Anyway, the only people who would be expected to bring present would be godparents.

Sorry my comment was directed at FamiliesShareGerms and not the OP. I just don't know why you keep trying to justify it with your DD's circumstances it's not right.

Wiggles rock - you are funny.

I'm really liking the idea of the book on birds of prey(sorry whoever posted I know what you meant but it's a great auto correct) and 6 silver teaspoons, but as the atheist parent of a 23 year old atheist it's a bit late now

Families sorry but " building of an equal ctf" that sounds really grabby, particularly as the first one was only 18 months old, it would not have taken long for you to equalise them yourself.

I've only been to one christening. It was just part of the usual Sunday service. The parents are close friends and are lovely people, very genuine about their faith. We had coffee and cake in the church side room afterwards but it was by no means a big party event. I gave a gold chain and pendant set with the baby's birth stone. It isn't meant for a child and she'll be a teenager before it will be appropriate to wear but I thought it would be nice for her to have a piece of real jewellery.

Greythorne why thank you, only at ridiculously early hours of the morning!

I don't know why I am coming back to this but...

My DS was 6 when DD was christening. My point is that rather than being able to start DD's CTF at birth, as with DS, we didn't have that opportunity with DD until she was 18 months. That's some disparity to make up,and we are trying hard to reduce the disparity between our children as much as possible, knowing full well we never really will be able to. I probably didn't put that very well first time - peril of MNing and trying to multi task.

We didn't ask for cash, and we didn't mention anything about presents - money or otherwise - with DS's christening, so to be written off as "grabby" (a word I only ever see on MN) is a bit galling.

And does no one else see the irony in the posts that say on one hand that no present is necessary for a christening but they actually take very expensive jewellery as gifts?

Families, its completely different to have a guest bring a gift of their choosing than to specify on the invite the type of gift that it acceptable.

Its tacky and grasping and asking for cash is akin to charging an entry fee. If you want your children to have equal in life, thats fine but its down to you not others to do that.

I might take a gift of a bible along and something special if god parent but then i only attend those that are true members if the church rather than doing it for the show, party and gifts. A christening should be about faith.

Oh goodness. It's hard. .i think one absolutely cannot reasonably go anywhere near the question of gifts on an invitation (especially perhaps a christening)
But I confess I am fed up with receiving crap (and sometimes expensive crap) on behalf of my DCs. It's so tiresome.
Sme ppl should be officially barred from gift shopping.

I didn't ask for cash!!!!!

You mentioned that you were building up your dd's CTF if anybody would like to make a contribution, Families... Bit disingenuous to deny that that's the equivalent of what the op was contemplating; ie "if you'd like any idea for presents, just ask me".
Except you didn't even wait to be asked!

Have a gift list at Tiffany, darling. That should sort the wheat from the chaff.

When DD was Christened, we put a very small print note on the bottom saying that in lieu of gifts we would welcome donations to the NICU that cared for her at the start of her life (she was minorly prem but very very poorly).

We raised about £300 that the unit used to improve the in unit parent accommodation.

I'm now right concerned that people thought we were grabby but I honestly thought it was a nice way to mark her baptism, which for us was as much as anything, a celebration of her survival and triumph over the odds.

Presumably almost if not everyone there would have known your DD had spent time on the NICU? So it sounds like an absolutely lovely thing to do and not grabby in any way.

Not grabby at all Welsh

Families the couple I gave the gift to made no mention of presents. They weren't expecting it.I have known the father a long time. He also knows that not having a daughter myself I like giving girly things to those who do.

As for irony,I really can't imagine anything more ironic than mentioning building up a trust fund in a christening invitation.

Welshmeanad no, that was a lovely idea.

I am gobsmacked that anyone would think it appropriate to ask for a contribution to their child's savings - whatever the circumstances! Still giggling about that...!

Just say you are inviting them to be part of the day & you request no gifts.

I'd have thought you were grabby, Families. Wanting to increase your child's trust fund is not a valid excuse for asking other people to donate to it. hmm. If there's a disparity between your children's assets, it's for you personally to sort out.

This ^^

If someone asks you what you would like, then feel free to tell them.

Otherwise, accept anything given graciously.

Eurgh, very tacky. I hate being told what to buy as a gift, or in fact not to buy, but donate instead. I don't give expensive gifts, eg for a christening I would source an old sixpence, polish it up and give it with a thoughtful card.
Its probably only a couple of £ worth so might not boost Families CTF much.

I agree, I would also not like to be asked for a specific donation. To a charity or a CTF.
So much depends on current circumstances. Whether it's a good or bad month financially. or the relationship one has with the family/child.
But I see no reason why ppl should feel the need to say "no gifts" entirely.
Just have to hope you don't get too much crap.
Love the sixpence idea.