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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To mention gifts in the christening invitation?

134 replies

Bankholidaybaby · 17/01/2014 01:51

Not the invitation exactly - the information sheet I'm emailing to people who say they are coming. I wasn't going to write anything about presents, as that's not why we're having a christening, but then I thought: people are going to bring gifts so isn't it sensible to try to steer them in the right direction so that we don't get (as happened at my son's birth and at Christmas) clothes that are too small or too big but inappropriate for the weather when he'll fit into them.

I was thinking about putting something like: please don't feel you need to get the baby a gift - we invited you because we want to spend time with you, and share our baby's special day. If you do consider giving him a present, however, clothes for 6-9 months suitable for the spring, or 9-12 months for the summer would be very useful.

Or maybe I just say - if you'd like any ideas for presents, please ask me.

Or perhaps I don't say anything and hope things that don't fit are returnable.

Advice greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 17/01/2014 08:38

If you'd like any ideas for presents, please ask me????

How is that anything other than a demand request for gifts? The expectation is certainly there.
Christening gifts are generally keepsake stuff anyway, not toys or clothes, if they're given at all.
They're not quite as "obligatory" as a wedding gift. Please don't embarrass yourself by any reference to presents whatsoever.

pigletmania · 17/01/2014 08:42

No dint mention gifts, it's bad manners

pigletmania · 17/01/2014 08:43

If people call you to ask then mention it, tats what we did

pigletmania · 17/01/2014 08:43

For our wediing

newyearhere · 17/01/2014 09:13

Don't mention gifts at all.

leeloo1 · 17/01/2014 09:14

It depends if you're hoping to get gifts?

If not (and I'd often rather get nothing then things I feel guilty about not using as wrong size/style etc), you could say about not expecting gifts yadda yadda, but if people would like to get something then suggest a card or book with a personal message so in years to come DS will know who came to his christening?

RedactedEdition · 17/01/2014 09:23

Please just don't mention gifts at all.
It really isn't polite.

Wedding lists are accepted nowadays, but the same does not apply to every occasion that people may consider giving gifts for.
It just looks somewhat grasping to effectively say "we know we shouldn't expect, but we know you probably will, so here is what we want".

Just accept what people gift to your child, with good grace.
Personally, the last thing I would give for a christening would be clothing - which has zero longevity and nothing memorable about it.

HoratiaDrelincourt · 17/01/2014 09:24

I agree with pps that the only permissible mention of gifts is "please don't bring any" or mentioning a charity.

Or maybe saying there will be a collection during/after the service to be split between the church and and any donations in baby's name very gratefully received.

I wouldn't take clothes to a christening on principle, I'm afraid. A christening gift should either relate to Christianity (Bible, prayer book, toy Ark, etc) or be a keepsake - silver spoon, first tooth box, shawl/blanket, birth certificate box, etc. Not something that would be used and washed and given/thrown away.

Pigsmummy · 17/01/2014 09:27

Don't mention it, you will likely get money boxes, bibles and photo frames etc

DeWe · 17/01/2014 11:18

Any mention of what you'd like for a gift immediately looks like you want one, however much you'd protest.

I think the only mention of gifts are "no gifts please" or "we'd like to do a collection for X charity, so if you were thinking of a gift, please give a small amount to X"

I give a nice Biblical gift for a Christening.

WaitMonkey · 17/01/2014 11:54

I would be embarrassed on your behalf if I received such an invitation. It's rude, greedy and grabby to mention presents. I'm amazed anyone thinks it's an acceptable thing to do.

brokenhearted55a · 17/01/2014 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nannynewo · 17/01/2014 12:03

I also wouldn't write anything about gifts, it sounds as though you are hinting for them (even though you aren't.)

I also wouldn't worry about types of clothes. Are you in Britain? because if you are then clothes can be worn all year round. T-shirts can be layered with jackets and coats in the winter. And warmer clothes can be worn in the summer when it's raining and cold, because weather changes all the times through seasons and isn't as simple as warm in summer cold in winter anymore! I am sure you can make use of the clothes.

Tabliope · 17/01/2014 12:08

Don't mention the gifts - as someone else said if they don't matter to you why mention them. Also if you were to mention children's sizes I think people who have bought you clothes previously will realise they got the wrong size, which might make them feel bad. All you can do is accept them graciously, make use of what you can, ebay some, recycle some or give some away.

Original poster

Bankholidaybaby · 17/01/2014 12:16

Thank you for confirming my suspicions - it would be horrible and sound grabby. There really isn't any way of mentioning it without it being awful. I feel bad even for thinking about it. I just hate the idea of friends spending their money on things he can't use as it seems such a waste. Sigh.

I was completely bowled over by people's generosity when he was born. I wasn't expecting gifts from anyone really (he's the first grandchild on either side and I have very few friends with babies). We received so many beautiful, thoughtful things. Sadly, a few of the gifts, including a gorgeous, thick, quilted pram suit for 9-12 months (he was born in August) will almost certainly go unused, and will likely be donated to someone who needs it.

OP posts:

Tabliope · 17/01/2014 12:28

I hated the waste of money in that respect too Bankholiday. Annoying all round but not much you can do unless you'd have said immediately in that instance could we exchange for a larger size.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 17/01/2014 12:33

Are you not planning on having any more kids then?

All these lovely clothes can be recycled in your family or your wider family at some stage....

WhenWhyWhere · 17/01/2014 12:59

Horatia's suggestion is really lovely.

Or maybe saying there will be a collection during/after the service to be split between the church and and any donations in baby's name very gratefully received

If you have already had gifts for the baby when he was born then maybe this would be a good idea. It depends on how religeous you are and how much importance you give to christening gifts.

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs · 17/01/2014 13:02

Don't mention it. It's unbelievably tacky. A christening is a religious step taken in a child's life, not an opportunity for gifts. Honestly, if people want to bring a small gift they can but raising the issue at all will make everyone think they have to bring something.

squoosh · 17/01/2014 13:07

Wowzers, it would be tacky in the extreme to mention gifts in a christening invite. Accept what you're given and smile and say it's lovely even if you hate it.

WeddingComingUp · 17/01/2014 13:18

Oh dear, that post made me cringe at the thought.

It is so tacky and crass to mention presents in a. christening invitation! I hate grabby demands gift lists for a wedding, never mind a Christening!

Original poster

Bankholidaybaby · 17/01/2014 14:30

I agree I shouldn't mention it. I just hate the idea of waste! There's a difference, though, between being grabby and realistically supposing that some people are going to give gifts. I just wondered if there might be a nice way of suggesting useful presents, but there really isn't. It sounds like people are unlikely to bring clothes, so I guess I don't have to worry.

I like the idea of a charitable donation or a collection at the service. My baby was born 7 weeks early, so Bliss is already in our lives, and it would be fitting to encourage our friends to support them.

I'm not likely to have any more children. I'm keeping most outgrown/unsuitable things in case my siblings or any friends with babies could use them, but we only have so much room.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 17/01/2014 14:30

Could you not mention gifts but put a note on the order of service that any collection on the day will be shared between the church and X charity?

Ragwort · 17/01/2014 18:44

Agree with ilove - but I would go further and put something like 'please no gifts - there will be a collection at the service to be shared with the Church and Bliss who supported babyBank when he was born - thank you'.

newyearhere · 17/01/2014 18:54

There may be some people who'd like to give your baby a special keepsake to remember them by when they are older, or something to inform them about the Christian faith such as a book of Bible stories. I think this is really the purpose of Christening gifts.

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