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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To mention gifts in the christening invitation?

134 replies

Bankholidaybaby · 17/01/2014 01:51

Not the invitation exactly - the information sheet I'm emailing to people who say they are coming. I wasn't going to write anything about presents, as that's not why we're having a christening, but then I thought: people are going to bring gifts so isn't it sensible to try to steer them in the right direction so that we don't get (as happened at my son's birth and at Christmas) clothes that are too small or too big but inappropriate for the weather when he'll fit into them.

I was thinking about putting something like: please don't feel you need to get the baby a gift - we invited you because we want to spend time with you, and share our baby's special day. If you do consider giving him a present, however, clothes for 6-9 months suitable for the spring, or 9-12 months for the summer would be very useful.

Or maybe I just say - if you'd like any ideas for presents, please ask me.

Or perhaps I don't say anything and hope things that don't fit are returnable.

Advice greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
BigFatGoalie · 17/01/2014 19:15

I think you should mention ALL the gifts you'd like, preferably with item numbers, bar codes, photographs and directions to the nearest John Lewis. Have a "christening list".
Put all this into a poem.

Then come onto AIBU the day after your sent out the invites and looks for the thread entitled:
"Grabby christening invite! Can you believe it?!?"

Grin

In all seriousness though, don't say a thing and just enjoy the day. Figure out the presents later.

Mabelandrose · 17/01/2014 19:31

Surely you would be grateful for any gifts?

Kundry · 17/01/2014 19:33

Suspect you may get fewer Christening gifts than birth gifts. I had no idea it wasn't the done thing not to get Christening gifts if you weren't immediate family and would cheerfully turn up without one, but would have bought you a baby shower/birth gift.

Original poster
Bankholidaybaby · 17/01/2014 19:45

Mabelandrose I wouldn't mind if no one brought a present at all (I'm really keen on the charity donation idea which others have suggested) my thinking was that since some people will give gifts, I would rather they didn't waste their money on something useless.

OP posts:
Greenmug · 17/01/2014 19:49

Good grief no, please dont mention gifts.

HappyMummyOfOne · 17/01/2014 19:50

Tacky and rude. Having a baby christened is supposed to be about religion, not a party and gifts. I'd only ever take a bible but would think twice about going to a christening where it wasnt for the joining of the church but just a "do"

MissMalonex2 · 17/01/2014 20:14

We said no gifts please in christening invites. If I was told what gift to buy...I probably wouldn't go...

Mabelandrose · 17/01/2014 20:19

But if they thought they were wasting their money they wouldn't bother in the first place.

I think the charity donation is lovely.

newyearhere · 17/01/2014 20:44

"No gifts please" may translate to "You were going to get me a present, weren't you? I don't trust you to choose something nice that I'd like. You would pick tat that I will put in the bin. So don't bother."

PrincessWellington · 17/01/2014 21:53

Well I got loads of money boxes and bibles. I donated them all to charity

murasaki · 17/01/2014 23:33

Clothes for a christening would be odd, I got my 'odd-daughter' a locket with her full name and the date of the naming ceremony (non of us are religious, hence odd not god) on it.

I got her clothes for her birthday, but consulted the parents as to sizes. And was most gratified to run into them in the street the other day while she was wearing the cute duffle coat I got her. XMas was toys. But she's only just one...

missingmumxox · 18/01/2014 04:41

No, I come from a family which do Christening, unless I am the god parent I don't buy a gift.
And as a God Parent I am boringly predictable, the book of common prey

TheRealAmandaClarke · 18/01/2014 04:52

I wouldn't mention gifts. But I am fearful of people spending their hard earned cash on duplicate items tbh.
If gift- buyers don't consult with parent's/ other godparents then the time and money they put into buying a yet another silver plated money box is wasted.
But such is life.

CarlaVeloso · 18/01/2014 05:05

No no no no no!

Absolutely crass to mention gifts at all.

Unless of course you are saying no gifts - donations to charity instead. There's an idea for you Smile

Pitmountainpony · 18/01/2014 05:15

Why a book on birds of prey for a christening? I think that is more eccentric than boring.

Polyethyl · 18/01/2014 05:27

My baby got half a dozen silver spoons - which I just thought was funny and I use them - more stylish than tommy tippee spoons!

You end up with a random collection of presents - but that's half the fun.

wigglesrock · 18/01/2014 06:32

pitmountainpony I think it might be autocorrect gone wild Smile - perhaps it's meant to be the book of common prayer? God knows I love a falcon as much as the next person but I think it's a typo.

Primadonnagirl · 18/01/2014 06:52

"I love a falcon as much as the next person" ...brilliant! I laughed so hard I woke up DH!

Op...sighing over the waste...cmon ..over thinking things a bit?!

Oriunda · 18/01/2014 07:20

I don't know why everyone goes on about silver plated money boxes etc. I'd never give one of those as a christening gift as it stands to reason other people would. Hard cash or coins, perhaps diamonds for a girl if we are godparents, plus a religious icon. In fact, in Italy christenings are a huge thing (DS christened out there and more people came to christening than our wedding!) and more like a wedding (parents/god parents have new outfit, there is a reception for guests with sit down meal etc). We gave silver plated music boxes to all our guests as the favour to thank them for coming etc.

FamiliesShareGerms · 18/01/2014 07:25

Gosh, MN is a parallel world sometimes, insn't it? I can't believe that anyone would attend a christening / baptism / naming without taking even a small gift. It doesn't have to be a solid silver engraved tankard, but I think it's more rude to turn up empty handed than to mention gifts in the invitation.

The single best present DD got was actually a beautiful handmade card with thoughtful words inside from a not particularly close friend. But we had put inside the invite that we really really didn't expect presents but we were building up DD's CTF if anyone wanted to make a small contribution (can't remember the exact words ).

Maybe all our guests thought we were grabby, but the only declines were for family tensions rather than slights by invitation. But given that our rationale was that DD was recently adopted and we were trying to get her CTF up to the same level as DS's but with 18 months to make up if we offended anyone I'm not sure that I care too much.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 18/01/2014 08:05

I haven't seem "everyone going on about silver plated money boxes"
I mentioned them.
Once.
Because I personally wouldn't want a whole bunch of them and there are a fair few about.

Gifts are always such a sticky issue.
I choose not to mention them to ppl as I don't want ppl to feel pressured.
But conversely, I think it's a shame that recipients are expected to be grateful for receiving barrel loads of crap they don't like/ have to store/ have to get out when the tasteless giver arrives.
And yes, I knw that sounds awful. Blush
In my defence I have not slept so am a bit grumpy this morning.

Floggingmolly · 18/01/2014 11:08

I'd have thought you were grabby, Families.
Wanting to increase your child's trust fund is not a valid excuse for asking other people to donate to it. Hmm. If there's a disparity between your children's assets, it's for you personally to sort out.

WilsonFrickett · 18/01/2014 11:18

As a side note OP most shops will cheerfully exchange unworn baby clothes without a receipt - they are used to people being given wrong sizes/wrong seasons. You won't get a refund of course, but you should be able to get a credit note.

QuintessentialShadows · 18/01/2014 11:20

No please dont mention gifts, you will look a fool. It is crass and you will seem grabby in the extreme.

QuintessentialShadows · 18/01/2014 11:22

"my thinking was that since some people will give gifts, I would rather they didn't waste their money on something useless."

That is entirely up to them. A gift for a Christening is not mandatory, and there is no way you can tell people what to do gift-wise, without looking like grabby and ill mannered.