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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To mention gifts in the christening invitation?

134 replies

Bankholidaybaby · 17/01/2014 01:51

Not the invitation exactly - the information sheet I'm emailing to people who say they are coming. I wasn't going to write anything about presents, as that's not why we're having a christening, but then I thought: people are going to bring gifts so isn't it sensible to try to steer them in the right direction so that we don't get (as happened at my son's birth and at Christmas) clothes that are too small or too big but inappropriate for the weather when he'll fit into them.

I was thinking about putting something like: please don't feel you need to get the baby a gift - we invited you because we want to spend time with you, and share our baby's special day. If you do consider giving him a present, however, clothes for 6-9 months suitable for the spring, or 9-12 months for the summer would be very useful.

Or maybe I just say - if you'd like any ideas for presents, please ask me.

Or perhaps I don't say anything and hope things that don't fit are returnable.

Advice greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

FamiliesShareGerms · 17/01/2014 07:16

Well,I disagree that mentioning gifts at all is grabby and entitled, but I don't like the wording about clothes sizes.

I genuinely don't see what's wrong with saying that you do not expect presents at all, but if guests want to give a small gift you are opening DSs child trust fund shortly, or similar.

FamiliesShareGerms · 17/01/2014 07:16

Well,I disagree that mentioning gifts at all is grabby and entitled, but I don't like the wording about clothes sizes.

I genuinely don't see what's wrong with saying that you do not expect presents at all, but if guests want to give a small gift you are opening DSs child trust fund shortly, or similar.

FamiliesShareGerms · 17/01/2014 07:16

Well,I disagree that mentioning gifts at all is grabby and entitled, but I don't like the wording about clothes sizes.

I genuinely don't see what's wrong with saying that you do not expect presents at all, but if guests want to give a small gift you are opening DSs child trust fund shortly, or similar.

FamiliesShareGerms · 17/01/2014 07:16

Sorry for multiple posts!

fluffyraggies · 17/01/2014 07:17

No.
I hate this trend these days for every invite to include details of what's expected as a gift if you're going to turn up! It's really bad manners IMO.

I know OP is trying to avert unwanted presents, but for me mentioning 'what i want if you're going to buy something' is just a bit - yuk.

Ragwort · 17/01/2014 07:18

I put 'please no gifts' on my chilld's christening invitation - probably a bit better worded than that, wonder if that was rude now . We had a fairly large christening, hired a hall etc for the tea afterwards and I really, really didn't want to receive lots of gifts - most people respected the request for which I was very grateful.

Ragwort · 17/01/2014 07:19

I think to specify what you would like as a gift is totally unacceptable, but hopefully it might be considered better to put 'no gifts please' .

AuntieStella · 17/01/2014 07:20

For a Christening, you don't need to state that you don't expect gifts, as that's pretty much inherent in the nature of the event.

If someone asks what they should give as a present (for a Christening or any other event) then of course you tell them.

Caitlin17 · 17/01/2014 07:26

Very crass.

WooWooOwl · 17/01/2014 07:28

No, you can't ask for gifts for a christening, which is what mentioning gifts essentially is.

Fantail · 17/01/2014 07:32

No, don't mention gifts.

To give ou an idea, we had a family and very close friends (15 in total) and DD was 1. She got silver bangle, silver photo frames, children's versions of bible stories such as Noah's Ark, child's Bible and also some lovely other books.

perplexedpirate · 17/01/2014 07:33

I see where you're coming come, but no. It would be crass and grabby.
Think about the 'money please' poems in wedding invitations; that's how this will look.

FetchezLaVache · 17/01/2014 07:33

I think the only acceptable reference to gifts in your info sheet would be along the lines of "please don't bring any".

FrankieStien · 17/01/2014 07:34

I once received an invitation for a christening with a request for money or Disney dvds in it. The couple who sent it had form for being extremely grabby.

capsium · 17/01/2014 07:39

I would not mention gifts in the invitation either. However all I would have to do regarding gifts is mention what would be well received to my mother and Dh to his and it would be on the grapevine so to speak. No list needed.

MetellaEstMater · 17/01/2014 07:42

When did Christenings become such big events? My parents went to one at the weekend attended by 150 invited guests (as opposed to the church being full of the regular congregation). The baby's parents are not church goers, they invited everyone they know.

As for the OP, please don't mention gifts at all. It will look grim. As others have said gifts are likely to be keepsakes or books (children's Bibles or prayer books etc.).

FamiliesShareGerms · 17/01/2014 07:46

I've never gone to a christening and not taken a gift. Who does that?

honeybeeridiculous · 17/01/2014 07:53

If I got a christening invite worded as you suggest I would be and think you were being greedy and entitled, don't mention gifts

Charotte31 · 17/01/2014 07:56

I think it sounds rude to mention gifts. It's not like a wedding! It would really pee me off if I got an invite like that.

rallytog1 · 17/01/2014 07:59

Our invitations asked people not to bring gifts. Our dd already had so much stuff and people were travelling long distances, staying in hotels etc, so we didn't want them to spend any more money!

We did add a sentence that said if people wanted to mark the occasion, we would love it if they would make a donation to the appeal for new facilities at the hospital where she was born, and where we both had our lives saved. Everyone seemed to like that.

notso · 17/01/2014 08:00

The thing is now most stores will exchange or give you a gift card without a receipt so it isn't really an issue.
My DC all lot's of clothes as Christening presents, as well as money, money boxes, bibles etc.

ExitPursuedByTheRoyalPrude · 17/01/2014 08:01

Christening gifts are traditional. Never clothing.

But I wouldn't mention it on the invite.

I am interested in the size of the occasion if it needs an information sheet!

ll31 · 17/01/2014 08:04

Crass and rude, don't mention gifts. Tho tbh I get iinfuriated by the absolute rudeness and ingratitude regarding gifts described by sone posters here.

Ragwort · 17/01/2014 08:31

We had a big Christening for our DS - we were part of the church congregation so invited 'everybody' from Church plus our DS had been seriously ill when he was born so we wanted to say 'thank you' to family, friends and neighbours who had been so kind & supportive. We did put 'no gifts' on the invitation and also stated (discretely) that the collection after the service would be shared between the Church and the hospital where DS was treated.

Mabelandrose · 17/01/2014 08:37

Please so not mention gifts.

I hate that line 'your presence is more important than your presents, but if you do want to buy a gift we have a John Lewis gift list' - er presents clearly are important then...

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