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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To have expected this woman to move seats

610 replies

appletarts · 16/01/2014 21:05

I was on the train back from London, with a first class ticket. In the carriage there was one space available for a buggy with a seat facing it, also described as disabled access. I arrived just as a woman was putting her things on the seat, I said excuse me do you think I could put my buggy here? She goes yes but sits down in the seat opposite it. Uh... I said do you think I could have that seat so I can look after my child during the journey and she starts moaning saying she's booked in advance and wants to sit in her booked seat. I asked her does she have a specific need which means she needs this seat, she says no. I said well I'm sure you don't want to meet the needs of my child for three hours do you? How about you let me have that seat so I can look after my DD and if someone comes on a disputes you being in that free seat we'll deal with it then. She then moans more saying she's booked and why is she being made out to be in the wrong, lots of eye rolling and tutting on her part. I say she can sit in 99% of the seats available and I need this 1%, I need this one seat. Eventually she moves but behaves as if she's been evicted and sits with a cats arse face for most of journey sighing everytime my dd dared utter a gurgle. Seriously? Is this unreasonable of me?

OP posts:
LineRunner · 16/01/2014 21:54

If it is, it's one of the coolest reverses I've seen.

HyvaPaiva · 16/01/2014 21:55

Worra and Linerunner: Thank you both for understanding and reiterating just how insensitive, rude, and offensive the very asking for an explanation is to people like me.

picnicbasketcase · 16/01/2014 21:58

Not unreasonable to ask, very unreasonable to question her reasons and 'expect' her to move.

HuntingforBunting · 16/01/2014 21:59

I really can't believe how nasty people on this thread have been. It's like none of you have had to deal with a child of your own on a train. Of course the woman should have moved, and with good will. Op I do not think you are being unreasonable to have that basic expectation of other travelers. Shame on the lot of you.

Mim78 · 16/01/2014 21:59

Hmmm - it's just that there were lots of other seats available. It doesn't seem so wrong to me.

I'm not going to ask the OP for a plan of the carriage though!

Obviously none of us quite know the tone that either person used so hard to judge exactly but I think a polite enquiry is fine as it clearly made a lot of difference to OP's journey.

However, at 8 months pregnant I do concede that there are some days that I would cry if someone asked me why I wanted to sit down on the train (not the same situation - I wouldn't be in a specific seat but sometimes you don't want to be asked "why?")

UptheChimney · 16/01/2014 22:00

YABU. She was sitting in her booked seat. If you hadasked her politely & nicely if she wouldn't mind moving, then she might have done so. But from what you write:

I asked her does she have a specific need which means she needs this seat, she says no. I said well I'm sure you don't want to meet the needs of my child for three hours do you? How about you let me have that seat so I can look after my DD

you were rude to her, and you did treat her and speak to her as if she were in the wrong, when in fact she was perfectly entitled to siyt in her booked seat.

You know that you don't generally get to choose your seat when -- it's allocated automatically.

Then you have the nerve to say to us that:

a disabled space which is also for the use of parents with buggys

No it is not also for the use of parents with buggies. Parents with buggies may use it if a disabled person isn't using it, but the space is a disabled space. It is NOT there for buggies.

LineRunner · 16/01/2014 22:02

Ah, the inevitable 'shame on you all' post.

Only1scoop · 16/01/2014 22:04

Anyone Bbottsing later? Don't think I can contemplate the botched up labioplastys and penis surgeries inbetween Confused

DownstairsMixUp · 16/01/2014 22:04

Shame on me. Hmm I have a DS so yes, I have experienced life with a buggy (and I didn't drive as I had a disabled bus pass as I wasn't allowed a license) I didn't think I was entitled to go round asking people for seats and requesting their medical history.

Only1scoop · 16/01/2014 22:06

Oh no I'm so sorry I've posted on wrong thread....back over to big brother....ConfusedBlush
Ill get deleted ASAP

PenguinsDontEatKale · 16/01/2014 22:06

I am utterly baffled that you didn't think it appropriate to simply take your child out of the pushchair.

I would not have moved either.

If a disabled person boarded the train and wanted a companion to sit with them, that would be a different matter. I would move straight away, obviously.

Alisvolatpropiis · 16/01/2014 22:07

Yabu!

I'd have told you to fuck off if you'd spoke to me as you spoke to her. How entitled are you?! Christ!

skittycat · 16/01/2014 22:07

YABU, entitled and were terribly rude.

You didn't 'need' that seat in the slightest. Take your child out of the buggy and sit else where. I'm not surprised she had a 'cats arse face' after your attitude towards her. She thought ahead and booked a seat, you did not... your fault, not hers.

appletarts · 16/01/2014 22:10

The ticket inspector tells people with buggys to sit in that seat otherwise they're clogging up the rest of the carriage so some silly woman who is all uptight about what seat she sits in can stick to her guns. I stand by my sentiment, I think it's about being a decent human being and seeing that someone else's need outweighs your own. I suppose you lot wouldn't shift for an elderly person either, unless of course they'd booked a ticket. I don't believe it made any difference where this woman sat and fiddled about with her laptop. Before I had kids I would have moved without being asked.

OP posts:
LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 16/01/2014 22:10

I often read but rarely post on AIBU

But sometimes it just has to be said. YABVU
And entitled. And very offensive to question her about her reasons for wanting the seat. She did not owe you an ex

PenguinsDontEatKale · 16/01/2014 22:11

Of course your buggy can't clog the aisle.

You still haven't explained why your child couldn't be taken out of the buggy. Why did you expect him/her to sit in a buggy for a long journey anyway?

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 16/01/2014 22:12

Sorry.

Probably why I don't post here very often!

Last word meant to be 'explanation!'

AgaPanthers · 16/01/2014 22:13

Why in the fuck did you not book the seat you wanted?

thedogwakesuptoodamnearly · 16/01/2014 22:14

I would have told you to fuck off, OP. Had you booked your own seat, or just bought a ticket?

DragonMamma · 16/01/2014 22:14

Why post if you are adamant YANBU?

I'd move for anybody with mobility problems or the elderly, just not some self entitled fuckwit with a buggy (that is you, by the way).

Alisvolatpropiis · 16/01/2014 22:14

Yeah, you're coming across like a really well mannered, decent human being right op, well done Hmm

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 16/01/2014 22:14

And it's not about not being prepared to move.

I, like many on here, would have moved for you. Without any question. But you were wrong to co-erce someone to who didn't want to and even worse quiz her about her reasons.

Caitlin17 · 16/01/2014 22:14

If she was on a cheapo first class ticket it is only valid for that train and the booked seat.

SeaSickSal · 16/01/2014 22:15

I have never, ever heard a ticket inspector tell someone with a buggy to sit in those seats. Fold them up maybe.

You were not being a decent human being, you had no right to demand her medical history or that she account to you for her reason for being in that seat.

An elderly person who was struggling to walk would be counted as having a disabilty. You're not disabled, your'e just rude and entitled. You have no idea if she had a disability you couldn't see, and you had no right to demand that she tell you what it was if she did.

You have no idea if her needs outweighed yours, you're just so pig ignorant you can only think about yourself and your 'needs'. You have absolutely no consideration for other people.

You didn't 'need' to sit in that seat. You wanted to. There is a big difference. The fact that you can't even admit you made a mistake despite being roundly told you did just shows how arrogant you are.

coffeeinbed · 16/01/2014 22:15

some silly woman who is all uptight about what seat she sits in
Hmm
Nice.
Would you like a bigger shovel with that OP?