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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To have expected this woman to move seats

610 replies

appletarts · 16/01/2014 21:05

I was on the train back from London, with a first class ticket. In the carriage there was one space available for a buggy with a seat facing it, also described as disabled access. I arrived just as a woman was putting her things on the seat, I said excuse me do you think I could put my buggy here? She goes yes but sits down in the seat opposite it. Uh... I said do you think I could have that seat so I can look after my child during the journey and she starts moaning saying she's booked in advance and wants to sit in her booked seat. I asked her does she have a specific need which means she needs this seat, she says no. I said well I'm sure you don't want to meet the needs of my child for three hours do you? How about you let me have that seat so I can look after my DD and if someone comes on a disputes you being in that free seat we'll deal with it then. She then moans more saying she's booked and why is she being made out to be in the wrong, lots of eye rolling and tutting on her part. I say she can sit in 99% of the seats available and I need this 1%, I need this one seat. Eventually she moves but behaves as if she's been evicted and sits with a cats arse face for most of journey sighing everytime my dd dared utter a gurgle. Seriously? Is this unreasonable of me?

OP posts:
Jellytotsforme · 16/01/2014 21:22

Yabu and your attitude is shocking. Just because you have a child doesn't mean you can go around demanding things meet your priorities

Jemimapuddlemuck · 16/01/2014 21:22

YABU. Babies should go on laps and buggies folded up on trains. If child was sleeping and you didn't want to disturb them then appealing to someone's better nature and asking would they mind if you sit there please would be reasonable.

When you've booked a seat on a train, found said seat, started to put your stuff down etc it is a PITA to have to move. I have a sneaking suspicion you got her back up by asking in a bit of a stroppy way, which is probably why she dug her heels in. I see no mention of the word please in your requests.

And yes, she might well have been disabled, she might have needed to be near the loo because of a bowel disorder, all manner of private things she didn't want to discuss in front of the whole train!

quietlysuggests · 16/01/2014 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edwinbear · 16/01/2014 21:23

Why wouldn't you take your dd out of the buggy for a 3 hr journey and fold the buggy up? Surely that's the norm on long journeys? Confused But YABU first dibs on seats goes to the person who booked it - obviously.

BillyBanter · 16/01/2014 21:24

You were both unreasonable.

HyvaPaiva · 16/01/2014 21:24

How dare you ask her if she has a specific need Angry. It's irrelevant that she said 'no'. Plus she booked it. Who are you to ask?

I have a serious, lifelong, and very painful disability that is almost invisible. That invisibility makes people think they can ask me that question on public transport all the time. Forever explaining myself in terms of disability, need, and entitlement. How rude of them. How draining for me.

Sometimes I'm in the mood to say 'no' to the question you asked because - despite the answer actually being 'yes' - it's no one's business and I'm so very tired of having to define myself as a bloody disability.

'Did you specifically need to have a kid?' See how insulting and rude that sounds? Mind your own business.

Worried3 · 16/01/2014 21:26

YABU

She booked the seat in advance- she is under no obligation to move. Fair enough to enquire (politely) if she was happy to move, but once she had said no, you should have left it at that. Continuing to badger her was totally unreasonable. As for "will you be meeting the needs of my child"- although rhetorical, I'd have told you to piss off at that point.

Did you have a pre-booked seat, or only buy a ticket? If the former- why didn't you book the seat you wanted. If the latter, what would have happened if more people who had booked seat had got on the train, leaving no "free" seats- would you have given her the original seat back or decided that as you have a child, you need the seat more and are therefore entitled to it. Based on this, it sounds like the latter.

Although not the most likely explanation, for all you know she may have a condition which would make having the extra room provide a more comfortable journey- but didn't want to share that with a complete stranger.

Next time, if you need to have this specific seat, I suggest you book it to guarantee you get that seat without having to hassle complete strangers.

sherbetpips · 16/01/2014 21:26

Please also remember having a child is not a disability, you want more space book a seat and fold up the damn buggy. It isn't a free seat. Unless of course you want to stand in the corridor.

bruffin · 16/01/2014 21:26

When dcs were under 5 i paid for tickets for them so i could book seats. It didnt cost much extra. There is no way i would go on a long journey with little ones without booking seats.
YABU

Only1scoop · 16/01/2014 21:26

If you had pre booked an extra legroom seat on an aircraft, and someone taller got on EXPECTING you to move because they wanted that seat would you just move?
Your op sounds a little entitled and rather rude.

KareKare · 16/01/2014 21:27

Gosh, most unreasonable and cheeky of you, OP.

bruffin · 16/01/2014 21:27

When dcs were under 5 i paid for tickets for them so i could book seats. It didnt cost much extra. There is no way i would go on a long journey with little ones without booking seats.
YABU

flipchart · 16/01/2014 21:28

You are rude and unreasonable. If it had been me, the more you badgered the more I would have been stubborn with you and not disclosing why I had chosen that seat.

WooWooOwl · 16/01/2014 21:35

You don't know why she chose to book her seat or why she wants to sit in the seat she is allocated. Her reasons are as valid to her as your reasons are to you, and yours don't become more important than hers just because you have a child.

Whether you think it's reasonable or not, people should not need to be evicted from the seat they pre booked.

aderynlas · 16/01/2014 21:38

My dear mum has alot of mobility problems but likes to remain active and loves a train trip. She had settled herself for her journey home, when a young woman boarded with her child in a buggy. My mum started to get up to move. This really nice young woman wouldnt let her, folded the buggy, sat her little baby on her lap. Kindness much appreciated all round.

Mim78 · 16/01/2014 21:41

YANBU.

Can't understand why people have to stand on the letter of their "rights" quite so much.

What harm did it do her to move seat. I agree with zabelithe - why can't we all just be kind now and again?

DownstairsMixUp · 16/01/2014 21:43

I think everyone has told you yabu and I agree. Lucky it wasn't me as I would not have given up my prebooked seat and if you'd have asked did I have a medical need I'd say none of your bloody business!! You can't ask people that stuff!

Mim78 · 16/01/2014 21:43

PS - if I inadvertently book the disabled access seats in first class, I take it to mean that I will have to move if disabled person comes on. I would include person with buggy in this if there were other seats available.

If there were no other seats I might wonder why the Mum couldn't stand near the buggy rather than me having to stand but that wasn't the case here.

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2014 21:44

Mim78 If I were in the seat and I saw a parent with a buggy, they wouldn't even have to ask...I'd stand up and off it immediately.

However, if I had a real reason to sit there and an over entitled stranger thought they had the right to question any medical needs I might/might not have, they could get stuffed.

That's seriously crossing a line.

BigFatGoalie · 16/01/2014 21:44

People who say "I wouldn't move!" Are just downright bloody mean and nasty!
Yes, she booked her seat and yes, you should've booked if you'd wanted that seat but for crying out loud, why can't people just be nice to each other?!

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2014 21:44

*Offer...not 'off' Blush

ChippingInWadesIn · 16/01/2014 21:46

I don't think this is quite how the OP thought this would pan out Grin

LineRunner · 16/01/2014 21:49

I dunno OP, maybe like me she has nearly died of a fucking DVT and pulmonary embolism, has paid extra to follow medical advice on a long journey, and just didn't want to discuss it with a stranger.

hoobypickypicky · 16/01/2014 21:49

People are generally quite nice when they're spoken to with manners and respect, BigFatGoalie, not when they're spoken to as if they're something on the bottom of an entitled person's shoe.

FutTheShuckUp · 16/01/2014 21:53

This must be a reverse surely nobody can be this entitled in real life