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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have expected this woman to move seats

610 replies

appletarts · 16/01/2014 21:05

I was on the train back from London, with a first class ticket. In the carriage there was one space available for a buggy with a seat facing it, also described as disabled access. I arrived just as a woman was putting her things on the seat, I said excuse me do you think I could put my buggy here? She goes yes but sits down in the seat opposite it. Uh... I said do you think I could have that seat so I can look after my child during the journey and she starts moaning saying she's booked in advance and wants to sit in her booked seat. I asked her does she have a specific need which means she needs this seat, she says no. I said well I'm sure you don't want to meet the needs of my child for three hours do you? How about you let me have that seat so I can look after my DD and if someone comes on a disputes you being in that free seat we'll deal with it then. She then moans more saying she's booked and why is she being made out to be in the wrong, lots of eye rolling and tutting on her part. I say she can sit in 99% of the seats available and I need this 1%, I need this one seat. Eventually she moves but behaves as if she's been evicted and sits with a cats arse face for most of journey sighing everytime my dd dared utter a gurgle. Seriously? Is this unreasonable of me?

OP posts:
hooochycoo · 17/01/2014 22:52

hello just jemima, you said i was disgusting earlier, if you could please tell me why and where exactly where did i say having a child and having a disability is the same thing?

hooochycoo · 17/01/2014 22:53

fair enough justjemina i agree.

it's not very nice to label and insult her though. just as i guess it wasn't very nice of her to label and insult the woman sitting in the wheelchair companion seat. but two wrong don't make a right and all that.

if you could tell where where i was disgusting though?

YouTheCat · 17/01/2014 22:53

I'm pretty sure if the OP had any additional needs herself she would have told us and the poor woman on the train.

I do agree that people should generally be nice to each other and be helpful where they can but OP has set that cause back imo.

bruffin · 17/01/2014 22:54

She didnot have to fold her buggy

nauticant · 17/01/2014 22:56

Out of interest OP, which rail line was it?

In case you don't want to answer, feel free to adopt you stance of I'm me and by definition I'm right.

nennypops · 17/01/2014 22:57

you cannot book that seat, it's the wheelchair companion seat. it's meant to be only bookable by wheelchair users and their companions. presumably she was sitting there by mistake or had been able to book it by mistake.

Not sure that's necessarily right. In addition to providing space for wheelchair users, those areas have other assistance for the disabled, notably assistance buttons. She may have had a need for that and might therefore have been permitted to book the seat for that reason.

merrymouse · 17/01/2014 23:03

She didn't need to fold the buggy assuming the space was free. The thread has been about whether she was entitled to the seat next to the buggy given that it had been booked by somebody else.

justjemima · 17/01/2014 23:04

I didn't say you were disgusting hooch, I said comparing having a child with a disability was disgusting thing to say. That's not the same as saying you are a disgusting person.

It was a couple of pages back, round about page 17/18. I don't know if I misunderstood you or not so sorry if I did and maybe you meant something else?

You're still ignoring the fact that she didn't need to fold her buggy. She could have easily left the buggy there and her and her child could have sat somewhere else. I assume that if the OP had a hidden disability she would have mentioned it in her OP as that would be relevant to why she wanted to sit there. In which case I would have hoped she would have booked a seat.

Can't you see that it was rude of the OP to keep asking the woman to let her sit there even though she'd said no? If she'd only asked once that would be have been fine but she kept pushing the woman to let her sit there even though she didn't want to move. That was rude and asking if she had any specific needs was also rude. I would be eye rolling and tutting too.

The OP could have easily just left the buggy there and sat somewhere else with her child.

nauticant · 17/01/2014 23:11

Where's the fun in not spoiling someone else's journey?

evelynj · 17/01/2014 23:12

Echo the sentiment that I hope you thanked her sincerely for her kindness since she didn't owe you anything and extended you a courtesy. That is what we call manners.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 17/01/2014 23:14

If she had that seat number on her ticket YABU. Turn the buggy the other way and sit on the damn floor if you have to. I've done it before, not ideal but hey life isn't always ideal.

hooochycoo · 17/01/2014 23:19

Thanks for the apology jemina, I appreciate that.

I'm afraid we're not going to agree with each other on the other points as I think the woman was sat in the seat incorrectly and can understand the stress of the situation for the OP. I agree too that she maybe didn't have PND or hypermobility. I was just playing devil's advocate as so many have assumed the other woman must have had a disability.

hooochycoo · 17/01/2014 23:25

Also , who are you to decide that the OP didn't need to keep her buggy undolded. i certainly need to. I find it very stressful and find it difficult to safe a safe comfortable journey when I need to fold it. Obviously not an impossible journey, which is why I am always ready to move if a wheelchair user takes precedence. But when the space is vacant then I'll use it. Usually on the advice if train staff.

Caitlin17 · 17/01/2014 23:26

Actually I didn't assume the woman who was sitting in the seat she had booked was disabled. It's not relevant to the OP's rudeness.

And what stress exactly was the OP under apart from that caused by her indignation at not getting the seat she hadn't booked?

YouTheCat · 17/01/2014 23:27

But, Hoochy, it's the attitude.

You seem really reasonable and you'd probably have approached the woman in the seat in a much more polite way to start with.

hooochycoo · 17/01/2014 23:27

I guess tho it could be considered rude to keep asking. Although it also be considered tenacious.

Caitlin17 · 17/01/2014 23:29

What gives the OP the right to "tenaciously" demand someone else's booked seat?

merrymouse · 17/01/2014 23:34

Again, nobody has said that she needs to fold the buggy if there is space to accommodate it unfolded. The disagreement is over the woman's seat.

hooochycoo · 17/01/2014 23:34

Yeah I would have been more polite definately. Bit then k wouldn't have got the seat.

It is a stressful situation. Maybe not for all, indeed many here have said it's not a problem atall for them. And that's great. But we're all different. We've all got different children. To be honest, I find travelling on a train with children horrendously stressful, and really need my buggy in order to keep the children safe. But I don't have a choice, I don't drive. So I cope, and I damn we'll try and get the wheelchair space as it makes it so much more manageable.

Glad that for some it's easy though.

Mordirig · 17/01/2014 23:34

At best it's arrogance at worse its just plain old entitled rudeness,,, tenacious my arse Hmm

YouTheCat · 17/01/2014 23:38

Hoochy, didn't you say upthread that your kids have additional needs though, or that you do (sorry wine addled brain)? You have a perfectly valid reason for using the area yourself.

hooochycoo · 17/01/2014 23:42

Because the seat comes with the wheelchair space. And is only book able by a wheelchair user's companion. So the other lady must have either booked it in error, sat their in error or was perhaps bluffing! I don't know!

And yes I concede that the OP could have left her buggy unfolded and sat with her daughter in knee nearby. I've had to do that before. It's annoying and stressful, but not as bad as having to fold completely. And mean spirited of the lady sitting in the wheelchair companion space.

So I conclude that the OP and the woman were both less than polite and kind to each other. Shocker!

But hey, with all the drudgery and broken dreams, it's still a beautiful world. Night x

hooochycoo · 17/01/2014 23:50

Yeah, now I do! Now DS is older and he's been diagnosed. Back when he was a baby and toddler his constant falling over wasn't unusual!

I'm not sure whether I could book the space though as he's not a wheelchair user. Or maybe they'd consider His buggy a wheelchair? Maybe I should try and report back.

I have tried to book this space for disabled clients ( I'm a support worker for adults with disabilities) and have always been told it's bookable only by wheelchair users . I've booked priority seating plenty times though.

Some one make me do my tax return please. This is a ridiculous amount of procrastination! Apologies all. This is what my yearly date with hmrc do to me. Of course some people find tax easy. Wish i did.

YouTheCat · 18/01/2014 00:03

Does he have a Maclaren Major or similar? If so, same applies as wheelchairs I think.

Moln · 18/01/2014 00:06

This is all very mixed up isn't it.

The train was empty / the train was full

The DC of the OP is a baby / the DC of the OP is a toddler

The seat was opposite the wheelchair space / the wheelchair was next to the space

The seat was the only one near the wheelchair space / there was a seat next to the on the lady had booked

The child gurgled occasionally during the journey / the child screamed and climbed during the journey