To dump someone over lack of job?

[nowoodenspoon]

Ive just started dating someone, who is rather artistic and is trying ( and failing) to earn a living from doing so.

Its too early for me to delve too deeply, but it seems money comes from gigs, functions and the odd bit of music teaching. He works in a shop one day a week.

This year he said hes really going to push it, last year he didnt. I dont understand how he affords to live, and while its none of my business its bothering me somewhat.

Ive been asking round about questions, like what hes been up to since i last saw him. The answer is ' not much' nothing that would have earnt him any money.

Im poor, im not juding him for that, its not about money, and i like him and his company but im finding it hard to reconcile in my own head and wondering how he gets away with it, because he cant be on benefits else he would be forced to work...

Do i give him a few dates more? or is it not important? or do i just dump?

I would happily date a non-materialistic, artistic dreamer. Even long term. What would worry me is the idea of having children with someone who couldn't or wouldn't contribute either income or childcare.

I wouldn't be too bothered which of those they were strong on but if they were wiffling around being artistic leaving me to do the paid income and the childcare organising, that would be an absolute no.

So that's what would concern me. But if children weren't involved I would be OK. I like arty dreamers.

I know a couple of men like this, they also drink quite heavily and smoke cannabis regularly. I'm not saying the guy you're dating does but it tends to go with the lifestyle he's leading and the lack of motivation. I don't you are being unreasonable, maybe keep him as a friend if he's a nice person.

OP, the man you are dating now is not your XP. Your XP ripped you off, which is a nasty thing to have happened, but you have not once mentioned that this current man has asked you for money or asked/expected you to pay for him to spend time with you.
His values and lifestyle choices (to be poor but only do work that interests him) may not be the same as yours, but you are not him, he is not you and he is certainly not your property to be forcibly upgraded. By the sound of it he is currently offering you pleasant company and (possibly) good sex. He's not offered anything more. You're not entitled to anything more from this particular man, because it's not on offer. You've also only had a few dates with him, he is not your partner. If you're not happy with him the way he is, move on. But you have no right at all to try to 'make' him turn into a mindless, passive wage slave.

Absolutely correct SolidGoldBrass, well put!

I get you OP.

There is a difference between being unemployed and refusing to ever do a normal job. Most musicians and artists etc that i know realize that they do need some sort of stable income to function in the adult world.

I think its all well and good "choosing" to live outside of the norm, but then you have to accept that your lifestyle will be incompatible with what most people want, and that usually includes some level of financial stability - which doesn't necessarily mean theyre money grabbing. You just need to know what sort of life you'd be in for. Especially when you have a child already to consider - If you were to get pregnant by this man OP and couldn't work during the pregnancy, or if you moved in together and you became too ill to work, would you be happy for the two of you to live on toast too? I doubt it.