to be fed up of people expecting their new babies to be sleeping through?

[IRCL]

It is so frustrating.

babies are supposed to feed frequently and wake in the night.

even more annoying are the idiots who suggest putting solids in the bottle and trot out the never did mine any harm line...

Pandarific, just so you know, being woken multiple times at night when you are coasting on empty fumes of exhaustion from late pregnancy, childbirth and postnatal ward hell, makes every mother insane with frustration and yes, rage. It's not a case of 'oh well I personally neeeed sleep unlike some people...'

It's shit for everyone.
Hence the moaning.
It is however the deal unless you are lucky.
It would help parents-to-be no end if we were all a lot more honest about the reality.

pandarific,

"Ragwort that sounds reasonable to me! I don't have any babies, but I'd imagine you were outside the door and listening till he went off to sleep."

She was talking about a 1 day old baby. Does that really sound reasonable to you?

Sleep deprivation nearly broke me when DS was little. He was a miserable, colicky, tongue-tied baby who was always feeding, but never gaining weight, and some night I was feeding him every 45 minutes all night. I was expecting to have a baby that I needed to fed and looked after at night, and that I'd be tired, but what I wasn't expecting was the effect that exhaustion would have on my mental health. Which is why I can't understand this whole "that's what babies are like, suck it up" attitude. Everyone knows that's what babies are like, but it doesn't make it any easier, and surely you're entitled to have a moan about it? Especially to other women who have been there themselves!

We never needed to sleep train him - at 6 months I weaned him, finally gave up on the BF (as he'd fallen off the bottom of the centile chart ), started FF and he slept through in 3 nights. (Disclaimer: I don't think there is anything magic about FF, I just think he was just never able to ever really get enough milk from me because of the tongue tie! The only baby I know who slept through at 6 weeks was EBF).

To the poster who shut the door on her newborn - just, wow. I didn't like anyone else even holding DS at that stage, I used to just sit and sniff his head and often ended up crying when he cried! I thought that was normal for a new mum in the first few days. I can't imagine shutting him away like that. Poor little thing.

DD1 slept through 7 to 7 from 13 weeks. I always said it was 60% her and 40% the routine I did.

DD2 is 16 weeks and last night I fed at 10.45, 1 and 5.

I now know it was absolutely nothing to do with what I did with DD1, it's just the way they are.

One post upthread said their DD was still not sleeping through at 5 years old. That is terrifying.

Oh and YANBU but those of us who got a sleeper the first time are entitled to be a teensy bit exasperated when it doesn't happen the second time. Just a teensy bit.

claudeekishi I totally agree with you and sorry if I have annoyed. I wasn't trying to say 'I am special snowflake and need more sleep' just trying to express that seriously, lack of sleep seriously, seriously screws people up, so that I can understand how some people do certain sleep techniques with their (older) babies to try to make it all go smoother. Not that I have any experience in it all - stops derailing the thread.

referring to the original post, people just don't know what to expect.

bumbleymummy no. I'd misread, and was talking about older ones.

luck fluffyraggies - pure luck - judgement has fuck all to do with a 7 week old sttn

full term 9lb 7oz bf baby did not sttn till 2 yrs and 3 months - unlucky - he goes through most nights right now at nearly 3yo - was due some luck!

YANBU get with the program

I didn't even like going to the toilet and leaving dd at 1 day old, let alone leaving her in a room, shutting the door and letting her cry !!
Actually I was away from my dd the first night as she was in an incubator in scbu. Even then I only slept in my hospital room for a couple hours and then spent the rest of the time sleeping in a chair next to her incubator untill she could come into my room the next night.

Dd is now 11 weeks and beginning to have a better sleep routine, she goes down at 8pm, dream feed at 11pm, wakes at 6am for a feed and back to sleep till about 8.30am. I'm well aware that I'm lucky!! I still wouldn't leave her to cry to herself!

Sleep routines for older babies are fine and a good idea pandarific :)
I do wish that I hadn't spent so much of dd's early weeks railing against her bad - sleeping ways...I should have just kept her in bed with me. When I found out that other parents of supposed dream sleepers were actually getting up 4+ times a night to reinsert dodi, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. We need to be honest about our lack of sleep and acknowledge the fact that mothers need loads and loads of support to just get through the day.

This thread inspired me to re - read a chapter from Rachel Cusk's memoir, A Life's Work. The chapter is called A Valediction to Sleep and contains the absolute best description of exhausted motherhood I have ever read. Would quote but I'd want to quote the whole chapter!

My dd slept through from 2 until 8 months and that was it, she is now 3 and wakes regularly. There is no hard and fast rule as each child is an individual and what works for one, won't work for another.

Before pfb I'd been told that new babies wake in the night a lot at first, but nobody quantified that. I had a hazy idea that for maybe a month or so I'd be gently woken at around 2am for a quick bf, winding, nappy, back in bed, everyone asleep again by half past. And that would be bad enough compared to pre-children.

I got a bad feeder and bad sleeper. Feeds took half an hour, settling ditto, then I had to express the next feed. He fed every two hours, so I was lucky to get half an hour at a time at any time of day. I was delirious and bitter.

DC3 is a dream by comparison. It's 4am, he's 9wo and I've just finished his first (possibly only?) night which will have taken less than half an hour. I get plenty of sleep. If he were my first I'd probably still feel cheated, but since I know what it can be like I feel very lucky.

My dd at 9 months still doesn't sleep through, only very occasionally. A 'helpful' old school friend told me to put baby rice in her last bottle at night as " it helps them go longer" and she wished she'd known about it with her other two.

I told her I don't think I can get my boobs to produce baby rice and that you aren't supposed to put anything but milk in bottles. She's currently pregnant and I feel for that poor baby when it's born.

Depends what you mean by 'new' babies though. I'd be pretty pissed off and utterly exhausted if I was still being woken every single night to feed past the age of about 4 months.

As a new mum to a 6 week old, I am adding my 2 cents so to speak. I have asked the very question the op has put to us. The reason I ask is this, I'm sleep deprived and it's hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, yes I knew before having baby that it would be hard but I never imagined how hard I would find it, that said, I love my LO soooo much and she is worth going through anything for! I just ask in hope that it might get better, sleep wise. Whether she sleeps longer or not I will deal with it but in my head it helps to know that one day she might sleep for 6 hours straight or something, hope that makes sense. So yes I think you are being unreasonable to want to stop a new mum asking any question that she wants. ??

It might be luck, it might be because I was strict - who knows?

Well - I know. As does anyone who does a bit of light googling into newborn brain development. They don't understand cause and effect at that age, which is why you're told not to attempt sleep training until 6 months. Not because they're a bunch of lentil-weavers but because there's no point. I've started a consistent bedtime routine with both of mine by 4/5 months. I have spawned one epic sleeper (and I confess I was a bit smug about it) and one fucking awful sleeper who is now 15 months old and watching This Is CBeebies as I write. It's luck. Two identical approaches, two very different approaches. Pandarific - roll the dice. Because, seriously - that's what it comes down to. You can optimise the situation by keeping your bedtime / nighttime routine identical and keeping the light off all night / not getting them out of bed when they wake but you can't totally control it. You're a light sleeper - your child might take after you.

Newmummee

Most people are generous towards mums of newborns, don't worry. Because of course it's a massive shock. See the title of Mumsnet's book - why doesn't anyone bloody well tell you?!

I knew I would get the flaming for admitting I let my baby 'cry it out' but nowhere does it say in post that he cried for hours (& he wasn't one day old) - in my case he cried for a little while and then fell asleep - I do see and read so many times about people who won't put their baby down, pick it up the minute it makes the tiniest noise, expect a baby to sleep in a busy, noisy atmosphere. No wonder so many babies never learn to self-settle.

All I can do is explain what I did and worked for us - DS is 13 now and doesn't show any signs of being traumatised for life .

I hate these threads!

Newborns don't sleep.
Some babies sleep well from a young age, some don't.

Do the people who put it down to 'a good routine' think they are doing something wonderful other parents arent?

Babies and children are different (shocker!!!)

Ragwort, my baby self settles quite easily. Ill put her down and won't pick her up if she's grumbling and moaning, and even if she cries I will leave it just in case she stops straight away (she usually does) but if she's properly crying I wouldn't dream of shutting the door on her and walking away!!! And by saying first night, that's what made people assume your baby was a day old.

Why are people so down on the idea of giving older babies something a bit more filling before bed? Not rusks in bottles, but something like porridge, or mushy weatabix (from a spoon, when child is old enough to eat them anyway). Surely it's a logical thought process that if your child is waking up at 2am because they are hungry, then if you give them something that will take them longer to digest before bed then they might not be so likely to wake up hungry.

If they're not waking up because they're hungry then it's not going to work, but surely it's a sensible thing to try if they are? Worked for my DD when she'd slept through for a bit then started waking up in the night again.

Yes, I am also a fan of porridge before bed for older babies :)
Not that it made DD sleep all the way through, just encouraged a good long 'first sleep' of the night.

Because cinderella

The second people find out they are pregnant they have already decided baby is going to have nothing but milk for the first six months. That thy won't use a bottle. That they are going to do BLW.

They are so fixated on the labels and guide lines that a spoon ful of porridge To see if it helps help their five and a half month old or even their nine month old on the basis of age or the fact it's a spoon goes against everything thy had planned.

I'm
Not saying that's always a bad thing just sometimes it seems more about guide lines that the baby hasn't read and the obsession with doing things a particular way that these things aren't ever considered.

People do what they feel is best. Some will put up with the waking a up for months and months. Others will realise that thy might need to contemplate a different idea if their baby shows signs of needing it.

But no, nothing should be out in a bottle and it's totally the parents choice.