Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of people expecting their new babies to be sleeping through?

164 replies

IRCL · 16/01/2014 10:37

It is so frustrating.

babies are supposed to feed frequently and wake in the night.

even more annoying are the idiots who suggest putting solids in the bottle and trot out the never did mine any harm line...Angry Angry

OP posts:
cantthinkofagoodone · 16/01/2014 15:19

Op, tonight can you please weigh down your bra with bricks or something. Then cover yourself in a few bodily fluids.

At 10 pm get ready for bed but just as you're about to get in, get out and walk around for an hour or so. Get into your bed but set your alarm for 45 minutes time and try to sleep. Repeat at each interval. At every other waking try and cover yourself in some more bodily fluids.

Get up for the day at 5. Don't shower.

Repeat for 4 months to 3 years.

Don't complain about it.

FanFuckingTastic · 16/01/2014 15:20

My DS slept through at seven weeks as he was formula fed, but would wake loads during growth spurts, it was actually harder than being woken regularly because I had to wake right up and feed him, plus he pooped loads more and needed more regular nappy changes. We both woke up all the way, instead of the brief rousing to breastfeed.

Not only that, babies themselves vary and have different needs, so some will settle into sleeping sooner than others. There are loads of factors, and it's far easier to not expect them to sleep through, and then everything else is extra.

Lamu · 16/01/2014 15:27

I think Sirzy made a good point. Like adults all babies/ toddlers are different. The high expectations that your baby will sleep through definately contributed to my PND.

Dd was up ever 2 hours for a feed even at 3 months. I tried everything which didn't work and I felt like a complete failure. She's now 2.4 and still isn't the greatest of sleepers. But I am more confident in my parenting to know that she doesn't need much sleep and that's how it is. You either get a sleeper or an eater. Dd is very good eater so I'll cut her some slack with the rest. Smile

somewherewest · 16/01/2014 15:28

*God what unkind people there are here

Sleep deprivation is hell and talking about it ought to elicit sympathy not horrid horrid comments

I was properly unstable and depressed because of sleep deprivation and really didn't need patronising people telling me to suck it up*

God yes. The sleep deprivation nearly broke me and some of the 'suck it up, buttercup' stuff on MN was deeply irritating. I've never met anyone in real life who thought all babies should be sleeping through at three weeks or whatever. What I have encountered online is a weird sort of competitive martyrdom around the whole issue of baby sleeping and feeding.

exbrummie · 16/01/2014 15:28

I had a friend who swore her DC slept through from birth,I questioned her but she was insistent.
I just told myself she was deluded and had a bad memory.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 16/01/2014 15:29

Ds1,2 and 3 didnt sleep through until 2, 2.5. I was expecting the same from ds4, maybe worse as I planned to bf. He slept from 6ish weeks.

nevergoogle · 16/01/2014 15:42

YANBU. I used to respond to 'is he sleeping through yet' with 'No, he's a baby'.

I honestly couldn't tell you when they both started to sleep a full night, it never really registered as important with me. I assume it was around the same time as all those other mums who were trying every parenting book suggestion they could to achieve the same result but with extra stress.

They only woke for a feed though, so they had it and went back to sleep. It's not rocket science.

I like Bubblegoose's response to the good baby questioning.

notthegirlnextdoor · 16/01/2014 15:44

It is so frustrating.

babies are supposed to feed frequently and wake in the night.

even more annoying are the idiots who suggest putting solids in the bottle and trot out the never did mine any harm line...angry angry.

Can't agree more.

So bored of seeing it now. Also the whole "How do you know" crap. I have 3 kids. Thats how I know newborns don't sleep through. Not to mention: COMMON SENSE.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 16/01/2014 15:46

"I'm currently considering ttc with Dp and if we do I'll expect a baby that doesn't sleep/wakes many times, the same as I did while expecting my other dc"

I expected bad sleepers too (I was one) and got one pretty good sleeper and two great sleepers.

But am fully aware that if I had actually had to deal with a bad sleeper all my "expecting" that it might be so wouldn't have helped in the slightest with dealing with the lack of sleep.

I found the first eight or so weeks of broken sleep, usually no more than one feed per night, pretty hard going and I'm not a person who needs a lot of sleep.

I think the thing that is bad is that uncertainty of how much sleep you're going to actually get. You're falling to sleep knowing you might just drop off and then... "WAAAAAAAHHHHHH".

I have so much sympathy for anyone whose had to deal with that for months (or years!) on end.

And I include my own poor parents in that. Blush

Wow, look at me talking about this is the past tense - maybe I'm not having any more? :o

notthegirlnextdoor · 16/01/2014 15:49

Its more the silly -downright fucking dangerous- things people to do to try and get them to sleep.

Rusks/rice in bottles etc.

Moan away, I know the strung out exhaustion of a newborn, of a newborn and a 2 year old, a newborn, a 2 year old and a 5 year old.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 16/01/2014 15:50

People also do dangerous things in their insistence that women with non-sleeping babies should never get any help and just motor on through.

Women who haven't slept for more than an hour at a time for a week driving their children around in cars, for example.

Original poster
IRCL · 16/01/2014 15:51

can't think.. no thanks I have enough trying to juggle my new ds and four year old dd who doesn't sleep till gone 12 sometimes.

just to reiterate it's not about being sleep deprived it's about stupid people telling said struggling mum to put all kinds of shit in their 10 week olds bottle.

I'm aware my first post didn't make that clear though.Blush

OP posts:
notthegirlnextdoor · 16/01/2014 15:55

Join - drive? I could barely operate the toaster. (I also don't have a licence, so that would be illegal.)

IRCL - again, totally agree. Bad advice is rife on Social Networking.

I have several times sent my sister and sister in law up to my bed to sleep whilst I look after baby for a while. And will continue to do so when other family members have babies. Women should support each other near tear each other down.

notthegirlnextdoor · 16/01/2014 15:56

*not tear each other.

See, toddler was up and down last night, now I can't type properly.

ShitOnAStick · 16/01/2014 16:12

Yanbu. I have one who sleeps very well and one who doesn't. In my experience there is nothing you can do to make a baby a good sleeper. It's pure luck.

Bearfrills · 16/01/2014 16:29

I slept through the night from 2 weeks old. Was I some kind of abnormal freak then?

Nope. It makes your parents very lucky :o

DS and DD both slept through, DS from six weeks and DD from day one. I was always told by HV not to wake them as they appeared to be getting enough during the day - feeding lots, plenty of nappies, gaining weight/growing, etc.

DC3 is due soon and I'm hoping I can make it three in a row but I'm not expecting it. Friend of mine tells me I'm overdue for a 'real' baby that doesn't sleep :o

BlueberryWoods · 16/01/2014 16:43

My DD wanted feeding every two hours - they were a hard few months!

I think some people may ask "is s/he good?" because they can't think of anything else to say - babies don't do much. If you don't really know the mum/dad it's a conversation opener I suppose.

GuernseyTeddy · 16/01/2014 17:06

Re solids in the bottle: YANBU. That's just madness. When DM, despite DS sleeping 6pm - 7 am from 7 weeks old, suggested I put rusk in his bottle to cut out his 10pm dream feed...I was Shock . Needless to say I didn't follow the advice.

But re sleep..YABU. I've always had the expectation for DS to sleep through. I love him...but 4am cuddles ain't never gonna happen!

CruCru · 16/01/2014 18:49

Ugh. When DD was six weeks old a couple came round to see us and were sodding surprised that she didn't sleep through the night. They suggested I put rice milk in her bottle (I didn't, obviously). They also said that, as she had barely slept in the day, she would sleep well that night (she didn't, obviously).

Dawndonnaagain · 16/01/2014 18:51

Fair play Join but it's the faceache pleas of 'tell me my baby will sleep for five hours straight tonight' or similar, on a daily basis.

Stripeyshoes · 16/01/2014 18:59

I don't mind listening to people who have been up all night night with babies complaining, but I have very little sympathy for adults who complain they are tired as they watched a late movie, or had a dog barking outside their window. Ffs- I have not had more than 2 hours in a row for 19 months! I understand tired!

Babies are not supposed to sleep through the night. I don't know people get frustrated when they don't.

carovioletfizz · 16/01/2014 19:02

YANBU, there is such a lot of ignorance about normal new baby behaviour. Like the one about how they should be sleeping through at four months and if they're not they're broken and need fixed (usually with some horrible sleep training method).Just because some babies sleep through at four months, doesn't mean they all should!

I've been told smugly by mums before that X sleeps from 7 till 7, every night. What they don't mention but what I've known from other sources is the reason baby X does that is because he was left to cry himself till was hoarse and blue in the face then gave up exhausted and fell asleep. Night after night, till he 'learned'.

Bue · 16/01/2014 19:07

I had a new mum (3 hours postnatal!!!) tell me recently that they weren't going to pick up the baby when it cried since they had done that with their first and it had "spoiled" her and they had made a rod for their own backs. I tried to be very calm, gently explaining normal newborn behaviour and that perhaps 3 hours old was a bit young to be doing controlled crying, but I probably appeared shrill and horrified. I literally couldn't believe it.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 16/01/2014 19:15

Carovioletfizz that's not the case with everyone you know. My DD slept from 7-7 from 7 weeks but I never once left her to cry like you describe. Bit of a generalisation there.

GimmeDaBoobehz · 16/01/2014 19:18

YANBU.

DD woke up every 2 / 2 and a half hours up until 3 months old and I fully expected that no matter how tiring it was.

Now she wakes 1 time a night, sometimes 2 and she's 9 months. Again, I think this is normal and it's around 5 hours each time, so I don't mind in the slightest and will try and sleep when she does.

I find it hard to understand why someone would think a newborn who needs regular nourishment would be able to sleep for 7+ hours a night, it just seems bonkers.